Original Magic: The Rituals and Initiations of the Persian Magi - Michael M. Hughes 2018

Calling Bullshit
The Magical Activist’s Spellbook

This all-purpose antibullshit spell may be used against individuals or groups (perhaps a certain bullshit-spewing “news” network) who are creating, weaponizing, or disseminating lies, baseless conspiracy theories, propaganda, or “fake news.”

Best performed during the waning or new moon.

Components

White candle

Hyssop Oil or Power Oil (see pages 143—144)

Small piece of paper with written name, printed photo, or logo of target

Piece of jet, obsidian, or quartz crystal

Sage bundle, sage leaves burned on charcoal, or copal or frankincense

Ashtray or cauldron (for burning paper)

Inscribe the word TRUTH on four sides of the white candle and anoint it with Hyssop Oil or Power Oil.

Place the piece of paper on your altar, face down. Put the gem or crystal on top of the paper. Place the candle behind them.

Light the candle and your incense and do the Centering Ritual.

Point at the name or logo paper or photo and say, with as much vitriol as you can muster,

I call bullshit on you, (name of target)

Spreader of poison

Mouth full of shit

May your tongue burn

With every lie

Pick up gem or crystal and say,

This rock will draw your lies

And bind them within

So that your bullshit

Will fester and rot

Hiding from the light of Truth

Place it back on your altar and hold up the paper. Say,

I call bullshit on you, (name of target)

And may the fierce fire of Truth

Burn away your deceit

And turn your lies into ash

Light the paper from the white candle. As the flames consume it, chant with increasing vehemence,

Bullshit!

Bullshit!

BULLSHIT!

Allow the paper to burn out in the fireproof container.

Bring your hands into prayer position across your chest and say while gazing at the white candle flame,

Bright light of Truth

Fire that burns away lies

May you prevail in times of confusion

And illuminate all deception

Give voice to the honest

And clarity of mind to the people

So mote it be

Blow out the candle, ending the ritual.

When it’s safe, take some of the ash from the burned paper and rub it on the gem or crystal. Then place the crystal somewhere related to defecation, such as in a bag of dog feces before disposing of it, next to your cat’s litter box, hidden in a public bathroom (the grosser the better), inside your toilet tank, or tossed into a portable toilet.

Finally, donate money or time to an organization fighting the spread of bullshit (a term I prefer over the ambiguous “fake news”).