Basic Witches: How to Summon Success, Banish Drama, and Raise Hell with Your Coven - Jaya Saxena, Jess Zimmerman 2017

Banishment: The Power to Avoid What Brings You Down

Fairy tales paint witches as consorts of the devil, vengeful agents of chaos intent on ruining the lives of those who cross them (or those who don’t, if the mood strikes) with devilish magic. But in these stories the witch is hardly a hero; her adversaries always win. From Medusa to the Wicked Witch of the West, many a fictional witch has met her end thanks to a mob of townspeople, a heroic prince, an innocent princess, or even her own demonic sidekick.

These days, we’re more likely to face down a metaphorical adversary than a literal one. Demons wielding pointy emotional pitchforks arrive at our doors every day: friends or lovers whose demands for love and loyalty conceal toxic motives, or a family member whose affection is conditional on our silence about our experiences, our opinions, or our true selves. Sometimes the demons scuttle into our brains even though we try to block them out. Sometimes they arrive in disguise, and we welcome them into our lives again and again without realizing. And sometimes we recognize them, but we welcome them in just the same.

Though we might think of magic powers as a way to transform external circumstances, they can be even stronger when used for protection against the negative internal demons caused by the world around us (and the people in it). Recognizing—and then eliminating—these damaging inner forces is classic magic: banishment. Banishment is also about empowering yourself so that you can stop those demons from plaguing you. More than just learning to say “no” (although that’s an important skill we’ll be talking about), this type of banishment is a holistic form of self-care.

The trick, as with many forms of magic, is to find a balance. Self-care can easily turn into self-indulgence, which can become a wellspring of negative energy, and recognizing the difference between the two is the heavy lifting of the banishment practice. For example, sitting on the couch eating ice cream every day may feel good because your life is stressful and ice cream is delicious, but it’s not a good long-term solution. No matter how blissed out you are on sugar, a voice in your head is telling you to take a walk, read a book, or at least invite a friend over to share the ice cream with you. But that voice gets quieter in more difficult situations, especially when your toxic feelings of self-defeat and worthlessness come swirling up.

Your adversaries and inner demons will come for you. There’s little magic that will change that. This chapter will help you confront them, protect yourself against their powers, be strong enough to fight back, and learn to grieve. You can teach yourself to rise above the mob when the pitchforks knock at your door, and you can learn to calm the demons when they rise inside you. The witches of fairy tales may have been tricked by those who hated them, but real witches get to defeat their own demons.

Expelling Social Toxicity

HOW TO CURE YOUR ALLERGY TO PEOPLE WHO SUCK

Witches were the original healers—“the unlicensed doctors and anatomists of western history,” as Barbara Ehrenreich and Deirdre English put it in Witches, Midwives, and Nurses: A History of Women Healers. The witch had to be a bit of a scientist, keenly observing which remedies helped, which ones harmed, and which ones didn’t do anything much. And when it comes to self-care like food, sleep, and beauty treatments, a lot of us keep up that empirical tradition. Think of all the times you or your friends have said things like “I get so hungry by noon if I have anything sugary in the morning,” “Oil cleansing makes my skin go crazy,” or “If I nap for longer than 20 minutes, I’ll be a zombie.”

Rarely, though, do we apply that same scrutiny to the way we feel around other people. If a food reliably makes us sick or tired, we quit eating it. But if a particular person makes us feel crummy every time we interact with them, we often think, “Maybe I’m just not trying hard enough.”

Nobody wants to hurt someone else’s feelings, and women in particular are socialized to be obliging. But you also have a limited amount of mental and social energy—wasting it on people who bring you down is like being lactose intolerant but eating so much cheese every day that you’re too full for anything else. (Okay, that sounds wonderful, but you can see how it wouldn’t be the greatest idea.) It’ll only leave you feeling worse—and leave less room for something nutritive.

So how do you figure out which people bring you down and then limit the effect they have on you? Doctor Witch might prescribe the same thing that healers recommend for diagnosing sensitivities: an elimination diet, followed by gradual reintroduction. And, if necessary, careful avoidance, plus soothing remedies to help you when avoidance is impossible.

Elimination

How long can you reasonably go without seeing this person? The answer depends on your situation; you can’t avoid your boss for as long as you can a casual acquaintance or a parent who lives out of state. Pick a plausible time period, and avoid that person consciously and deliberately throughout. Notice your reactions during this “detox.” How do you feel when they’re not around? Did you relax as soon as you gave yourself permission not to talk to them for a while? Conversely, do you miss them or regret their absence?

Reintroduction

After your elimination period, plan a controlled, finite exposure to the person—something where you have an excuse to leave after a set span of time. Notice how you feel after interacting with them, compared to how you felt during the elimination period. If you immediately feel tired, bummed out, annoyed, angry, self-critical, or some other negative emotion—and you weren’t feeling that way previously—you may have isolated this person as the source of your mental funk. So what to do now? There are two options: avoidance and fortification.

Avoidance

Unless you truly think that this person is unwittingly doing a specific hurtful thing—and that calling them on it will make them stop—there’s no reason to tell the person explicitly what they’re doing wrong. You are under no obligation to explain that you don’t want to hang out because their attitude makes you feel bad. Sometimes people just don’t mesh, and gently drifting apart is an adequate (and less aggressive) solution. Give yourself permission to decline invitations or requests, firmly but nonspecifically: “Sorry, I won’t be able to!” No further explanation needed.

Fortification

If there are aspects of the acquaintance that you still value—for instance, if you’re happy spending time with the person in a group, but not one on one—perform the boundaries spell on here to insulate yourself against their negative effects. If this is a person you can’t avoid, don’t despair—you just need the mental magic equivalent of Lactaid to tolerate their toxic crap. Designate a preventative “treatment” for when you can’t avoid them. For instance, if it’s a coworker or a boss, keep a bowl of M&Ms on your desk and take one when you’re forced to encounter the person. As you chew, tell yourself, “I am fortified and strong.” Give yourself permission to end the encounter as swiftly as you can, before the remedy wears off.

A RITUAL TO

Move through Loss

Sometimes, there is no such thing as a quick fix. When you’re experiencing loss and grief (and not just following a death; this could be the toll of someone leaving your life), only time and, well, feeling your feelings will make you feel better. Still, the stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—do not happen linearly. You may feel them all at once, or you may think you’ve hit acceptance only to find yourself angry moments later. This ritual will help you calm and center yourself in the storm of grief.

Place the photo or memento on the table in front of you. Tape the ends of the three pieces of string to the table’s edge, and begin braiding them.

As you braid, contemplate what each of the three colors represents: black for death, white for life, and red for rebirth. Voice every feeling that comes to you, no matter how simple. If none come to mind, ask yourself these questions to get your thoughts flowing: Do you miss this person or thing? Do you feel guilty that you don’t miss them? Are you angry that they’re gone or that they weren’t kinder to you? Are you scared of what will happen next?

When you’ve finished braiding, knot each end of the braid while speaking the name of the person, animal, or concept you’re mourning. Tie your new bracelet around your wrist and wear it for a week. Then cut it off, wrap it around the photo or memento you used while making it, and store in an envelope or box wherever you keep things safe.

The Dark Magic of Emotional Abuse

HOW TO REDISCOVER YOUR STRENGTH

Being in an emotionally abusive relationship can feel like living under a curse. An abusive partner has the power to rewrite your sense of reality—to convince you that they’re the only one who could love you, that you’re helpless without them, that you’re crazy for objecting to how they treat you, that they’ll change.

Even the most powerful witches are susceptible to the dark wizardry of abuse. There’s no shame in being enchanted or imprisoned, but you must—and can—escape. Truly overthrowing this evil magic, not to mention recognizing the full scope of its effect, can take all your powers and the powers of your coven. If you’re in immediate danger, don’t try to tough it out with magic. Call on family, friends, or therapists to help, or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.

After you end such a relationship, the curse tends to linger. You may hear your abuser’s voice in your head long after they’re gone, or find yourself seeking out similarly destructive situations because you’ve been enchanted to believe you don’t deserve better. A ritual can help you solidify a clearer state of mind and banish the aftereffects of your past relationship so that you can make room in your life for positive friends and partners. Here are some abusive spells that can have long-lasting effects and quick, silent counterspells that can help clear away those toxic feelings for good.

Illusion

Abusers conjure phantoms—and can even convince you that you can see them, too. They may be jealous of imaginary rivals (“Why were you talking to your coworker for so long last night?”) or blame imagined behavior for their emotions (“I wouldn’t be so angry if you weren’t being so irresponsible”). They may chastise you for things you haven’t done, belittle you for decisions you didn’t make, or overreact to “mistakes” that aren’t serious.

Counterspell: Take a moment alone, if possible. Pass a hand over your face as if lifting a veil. (If you aren’t alone, imagine yourself doing this action.) Find the most brightly colored or cleanest white object in your field of vision and fix your gaze on it. Then say in your head, “I see what I see, you cannot deceive me.” If you wear glasses, contacts, or sunglasses, wear them while performing the ritual to charge them with this feeling of clarity. The next time you put them on, their stored power will enable you to fight back even harder against the abuser’s fantasies that you’ve internalized.

Binding

Abusers may try to make you financially or emotionally dependent upon them and may try to isolate you from your family and friends—so that you have no one else to lean on and no one to give you a reality check about your partner’s behavior. Recovering relationships with loved ones and reestablishing a support network after the abuser is out of your life can be precarious and scary.

Counterspell: Envision an unbreakable cord of light extending from you to the people who love you. Anytime you recall your abuser convincing you to disconnect with those people, or saying that they don’t love you, imagine tugging on the cord to send a signal: Are you still with me? Then imagine receiving a tug in reply: Yes, I am. To remind you of this unbreakable bond, keep a symbolic bit of string in your pocket or designate a necklace or bracelet for this purpose.

Wall of Ice

Abusers may seek revenge for perceived slights or disobedience by freezing you out—pouting and sulking, giving you the silent treatment, withholding sex, or neglecting you emotionally. Even after you’ve chosen not to interact with them, the chill can remain for a long time afterward.

Counterspell: Turn the wall of ice into something you can control. Imagine the abuser’s criticism and insults as a raging fire surrounding you. Breathe in for a count of five, and imagine the fire being blown away and extinguished by a freezing wind. Say in your head, “I thank you for the gift of your absence, and the space it has made for me.”

Mind Control

If you spend enough time being blamed, yelled at, mocked, insulted, criticized, or ignored, you may come to believe you deserve it—especially if you’re socially isolated. Some abusers will even tell you outright that you’re crazy or question your memory of events (“You never told me no”) and it can feel impossible to put your perception to rights.

Counterspell: Hold your breath for a count of five, and imagine sinking down through shifting water and laying your hand on the solid ocean floor. Touch the nearest solid natural material (preferably stone or wood, although metal will do). If you can’t do this without attracting attention, touch your own hand, elbow, or knee. Say in your head, “I am grounded and solid, I know what is true.”

Abusers often cast self-perpetuating spells, enchanting you so that you’ll keep casting the spell on yourself over and over, telling yourself that you’re worthless and don’t deserve better treatment even after you’ve escaped the relationship. These counterspells can help you fight that enchantment, but remember that you don’t have to do it alone. If you ever need to draw on your coven (or outside help like a therapist or hotline), don’t hesitate to do so.

The Joy of Hex

Hexing had a moment in the spotlight back in June 2016. When a judge sentenced Stanford University student Brock Turner to a mere six months in county jail for sexual assault—an appallingly light slap on the wrist that infuriated women everywhere, especially after the victim wrote a heart-rending letter about her experience—angry witches tried to even the scales the best way they knew how: with a mass hex.

A Facebook event titled “The Hexing of Brock Turner,” created by a witch named Melanie Hexen, instructed would-be hexers to wrap a photo of Turner with a black string and then burn it in a black candle while reciting a spell that called for impotence, nightmares, and “constant pain of pine needles in your guts.”

Did the hex cause Turner to suffer impotence and pine-needle gut pain in perpetuity? Probably not. But it gave the 600 or so women who RSVPed something active and symbolic to do about an outrageous miscarriage of justice that otherwise made them feel small and helpless. This symbolic hex, inspired by Hexen’s ritual, can do the same for something in your personal life.

Hold or rest the picture in front of you, and say aloud the hurts and wrongs that the person has done. Address the picture directly, saying, “I accuse you,” for each accusation.

Light the candle, saying, “What you have done to me, may it rebound on you tenfold. I curse you to suffer the consequences of your ugliness and cruelty.” As the candle burns, picture the person getting smaller and smaller.

Carefully pick up the candle and drip black wax onto the picture. As you drip, say out loud, “I condemn you,” one time for each of the accusations you spoke earlier. Continue until the picture is obliterated completely.

THE DIFFERENT TYPES OF PERSONAL DEMONS

If you’re plagued by bad brain habits but can’t quite articulate just what is making you feel so down, try envisioning your mental patterns as demons you can fight. Once you know who they are, you can banish them by name. You may want to invent and describe your own, but here are a few we conjured up. Maybe they’ll seem familiar.

1. Laab and Lassura: These twins work together to make you feel worthless, no matter what you do. Laab is the demon of apathy, convincing you that no matter how hard you work and how much you try, you will always be worthless and undesirable. Lassura attacks from the other side, telling you that the minute you stop working and ease up on yourself, everyone around you will see you for the fraud you are.

2. Ostriax: This demon is a trickster who can use its powers to alter your perceptions of reality. Its favorite way of playing this game is by persuading you that all your friends are mad at you, don’t like you, or are laughing at you behind your back (or all three, if it’s feeling playful).

3. Desponon: This demon feeds off of positive energy and self-esteem. Sapped of those qualities, you think of yourself as inherently unworthy of good things and are willing to settle for what is in front of you, because you have no right to expect better.

4. Vindicar: This demon thrives on the misery of others and encourages you to view others’ sorrow as your gain. It makes you see success (professional, personal, or emotional) as a ladder, with room for only one at the top, and blocks your access to empathy, forcing you to revel in the failures of others.

5. Avarixas: This demon also enjoys feeling bigger than others but puffs itself up by acquiring new things—luxury goods, grand experiences, even desirable people—not for the pleasure or usefulness of those things, but merely for show. By taking the best things, Avarixas believes it is bettered, when all it really does is mask its own insecurity.

6. Culpazion: This demon at once convinces you that you are more powerful than anything and that your power only causes pain and suffering. It convinces you that everything bad that happens is your fault, while anything good is a fluke that has nothing to do with you. Culpazion thrives on false feelings of guilt.

7. Frank: Frank’s just a dick. Don’t listen to Frank.

A Personal Exorcism Spell

When a romantic partner, family member, or boss has treated you badly for a long time, sometimes you internalize their criticism, disapproval, or blame and direct it against yourself even when that person is long gone. It’s like they left behind a mean little parasitic demon copy of themselves living in your brain to do their dirty work. Or maybe your internal negative voice isn’t a copy of someone, but has been living in your head for as long as you remember, telling you that you’re worthless and bad. Either way, an exorcism will take care of it.

On the piece of paper, write in black pen the negative things your inner nemesis tells you about yourself. Be as specific as possible. Maybe you can even write the story of a specific experience that haunts you. Then use the red pen to draw your demon on top of your words. Make it as ugly and vicious as you feel it is.

Fold the paper and place it in the bowl, then light it with a match. As it burns, recite these words:

You hold no power

You are not welcome

I am not what you say I am

Mix the ashes with a few drops of perfume. (If you don’t have a favorite perfume, use a bit of olive oil or coconut oil instead.) Dip a finger in the ashes and draw two Xs on yourself, one on your forehead and one on your chest. Recite the incantation again, then shower and wash away the curses. For extra power, mix the remaining ashes into your shampoo, and wash those demons right out of your hair.

FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS, the word demon has connoted a being of pure evil. In texts describing the persecution of accused witches, such as the Malleus Maleficarum, demons were consorts of the devil, either controlled by witches to do their evil bidding or sent by the devil to possess them. Sometimes the witches themselves were demons.

However, demons haven’t always been evil—and other definitions of the term are much more useful to the modern witch. The word is derived from the ancient Greek δαίμων, or “daimon,” meaning a guiding spirit. A daimon could be benevolent or evil; essentially it was a powerful force. In Plato’s writings, Socrates talks about having a “daimonion”—a little daimon—which operated as a kind of spidey-sense, a consciousness that would tell him if what he was about to do was dangerous. According to Plato’s Symposium, love, too, is a “great daimon” that mediates between humans and gods.

That guiding spirit can be interpreted either as an inner soul or a literal spirit that exists outside the body. Judaism, Hinduism, Zoroastrianism, and many other ancient religions have daimon-like creatures in their mythologies: part-human, part-divine characters that meddle in human affairs, with varying degrees of success. In the Old Testament they were the false idols that the Pagans worshiped and that held no real power.

When the term was imported into the New Testament, it took on the meaning of a malevolent, and real, force. In Acts 16:16—24, the apostles Paul and Silas come upon a slave girl possessed by a demon that allowed her to read fortunes and predict the future. Paul declares: “In the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to leave her!” And the demon leaves, much to the chagrin of the girl’s owners, who were profiting from her powers.

In Mark 5, Jesus heals a man possessed by demons who declares, “My name is Legion, for we are many.” Jesus drives the demons from him, but the message is clear—demons make you not yourself. They are there only to harm, not to help.

Nowadays, we often spell daimon (or daemon) and demon differently, to distinguish between the two concepts, but they’re still easy to confuse (especially if they are spoken aloud rather than written). But the idea of a friendly, if mischievous, spirit that follows you around and tries to help you sounds much more fun than being possessed by an evil monster, and it’s an idea that exists in modern culture. Jiminy Cricket, a fairy godmother, and the daemons in The Golden Compass are contemporary fictional examples of the guiding spirits we all wish we had.

Listening to your inner voice can take a lot of effort. But thinking of that voice as your guiding daemon, you might find it easier to hear: you’re listening not to yourself, but to a trusted confidante who has your best interests at heart. (Or you can listen to an evil demon, but if bad things happen we had nothing to do with it.)

A SPELL TO

Break Negative Patterns

A bad habit is essentially a commitment—an inadvertent, hurtful commitment of either convenience, fear, or laziness. We procrastinate when we know we should be getting work done. We call the same guy again and again even though he’s been passive-aggressive and mean. We keep saying yes to that one friend even though we know we mean no. We commit to doing the same thing over and over, and the pattern becomes harder and harder to break. Change is hard, but not impossible, and symbolically freeing yourself with a spell is a good start.

Loosely tie the blue string, which represents wisdom and clarity, around your neck. Think of the pattern you are trying to break, such as always saying yes to a friend’s repeated requests for favors. Imagine a specific example, something you cannot do every single day, like drive them to their soccer practice or spend three hours talking about their relationship. Envision a calendar and, one day at a time, fill the calendar with their requests, until every day is full.

Pick up the bubble wrap, and say:

I release myself from this connection, and I banish it to where it cannot bind me

Pop the bubble wrap one bubble at a time, moving row by row, while repeating the enchantment, until you’ve popped all the bubbles on the square. Each time you pop a bubble, imagine that day’s habit puffing into thin air. When you are done, roll up the bubble wrap, tie the string around it, and throw it in the trash (or recycle it if that’s available where you live).

A SPELL TO

Counter Impostor Syndrome

The spell is designed to make you feel a little silly while you’re doing it. (It involves toilet paper, after all.) Impostor syndrome—the unshakable feeling that, no matter your achievements, you’re an undeserving fraud who’s going to lose everything once people catch on to your inherent insufficiency—may be a profound and genuine source of anxiety. But if we’ve learned anything from Harry Potter, it’s that the best way to deal with fear is to laugh in its face.

With your eyes closed, wrap the toilet paper around your head so that it covers your eyes. (Wrap it loosely, so that you can open them when you want to.) Continue wrapping until the toilet-paper blindfold is several layers thick. As you wrap, say out loud the things you tell yourself when you’re feeling insecure: “You can’t do this.” “You don’t belong here.” “Eventually they’ll realize you’re incompetent.”

Once your vision is fully blocked, open your eyes. Imagine a glowing figure becoming dimly visible through the layers of paper. This figure is your best self; concentrate on your achievements, talents, and positive qualities and envision the figure glowing brighter. When the imaginary figure is bright and you feel suffused with warmth and positive energy, rip the blindfold in half and crumple the tissue into a ball.

Examine the crumpled ball, then draw a squiggly line on your paper or index card that represents the shape of the discarded blindfold. Keep this card with you, and trace the line with your finger when you need to wipe your vision clear of undeserved self-doubt.

The Greatest One-Word Spell: “No”

During the Salem witch trials, judges and witch-hunters were most suspicious of defiant women: those who refused to answer questions, who called their accusers liars, and who refused to implicate other women. For example, accused witch Sarah Osborne refused to cave to leading questions about her supposed witchy activities. When asked why she hurt children, she said, “I do not hurt them.” In transcripts, this appears to infuriate her accuser. In a 1720 essay by Francis Hutchinson, another woman on trial named Sarah Good is quoted as having told interrogators that “I am no more a witch than you are a wizard, and if you take away my life, God will give you blood to drink.”

In short, “no” is the word of people who do not obey. It’s often said that “no” is a complete sentence, and it’s true: those two letters together make one of the most powerful spells that exist. The power of “no” is that it lets you stand up for what you believe in. “No” lets you get what you want. But “no” may also be the hardest sentence in the English language to say.

Although there are many dark and nebulous forces pushing back against your use of it, “no” also contains the ultimate power to defeat them. It can become your Patronus, a bolt of defiant confidence. Here are a few of those forces and how to use your one-word spell to stop them in their tracks.

The Blazing Light of Positivity

The implication of the word no is, obviously, a negative one. There is a dominant cultural assumption that fulfilling lives are full of yeses and only yeses. (Remember that movie where Jim Carrey discovers how fun life can be once he’s forced to say “yes” all the time?) Yes is the word of people who are chill, who can go with the flow. Only killjoys say no. Just say yes! But saying no to one thing means saying yes to another. Saying no to a night out could mean saying yes to a much-needed night in, or vice versa. Of course it’s important to push your boundaries and try new things on occasion, but by incorporating no into your vocabulary, you have more control over when and how you choose to let that positive light shine.

The Sharp Edge of Rudeness

“No” is also considered a rude response, especially for women, who often are taught to be accommodating and pleasing above all else. If you internalize these beliefs, saying no may seem downright offensive. But think of all the times you’ve said no and it was perfectly polite. No, you didn’t want any more mashed potatoes, even though the presence of mashed potatoes did not deeply offend you. No, you didn’t feel like going to the movies that night, but you went the next time. No, you didn’t like that book, and nobody was mad. “No” may be definitive and strong, but it doesn’t have to be inherently sharp.

The Dark Fear of Negativity

Most people are afraid to say “no” because they’re worried about the consequences from whomever they’re refusing. It’s one thing to summon the courage to pass on going on a date or doing a favor, but quite another to deal with the fury and disappointment of the person you turned down. But by using “no” more often, you invoke your power to be in charge of your actions. You are not just agreeing to whatever is presented to you. You’re a person with wants and needs, with texture, who knows how to take care of herself in any given moment. Even if you do say “yes” to a chore you don’t really want to do, that “yes” is still a choice, rather than something you agree to in order to avoid hurt feelings. Ultimately, saying “no” prioritizes your own feelings over any (real or imagined) reactions from someone else.

Embracing “no” doesn’t give you free rein to be a jerk. This spell is as useful for its practical, immediate effects as for its introspective ones. By practicing no, you’re paying attention to your own desires, and in turn you can examine whether you’ve actually meant all the yeses you’ve said over the years. Maybe by saying no, you’ll discover you’ve actually hated ice skating every time you’ve gone, or that you like having your weeknights free from not-so-exciting social obligations, or that you’d rather be alone than go on a lackluster date. “Yes” allows you to be giving and nurturing, but the magic of “no” summons your other positive qualities. With it, you can be assertive, protective, or discerning.

Like a lot of spells, invoking “no” can have a profound effect on others. Some may respond with frustration or anger, but in our experience, the spell will turn many friends, partners, and family members into gentler, more understanding people who are better attuned to what you want to say yes to. And that makes your yes even more powerful and special.

OTHER WAYS OF SAYING “NO”

“That won’t be possible.”

“Can I propose a different idea?”

“That’s not really my thing, but you have fun!”

“I just need a night in, you know?”

“I appreciate you asking, but I can’t.”

“My plate is full right now.” [This may be a white lie, but it’s an acceptable one.]

A SPELL FOR

Rejection

Maybe you’re on a date, and before dinner is over you can tell you just aren’t connecting. But after saying goodnight, you receive a “When can I see you again?” text. Maybe a friend did something to hurt you deeply, but they keep inviting you to coffee despite your repeated excuses. Use this spell to make the “Thanks, but no thanks” conversation easier on you (which will make it easier on them, too).

Grasp the honey in your dominant hand and draw a heart in the open palm of your nondominant hand. Visualize the face of the person you need space from. Say aloud:

I respect your feelings, but I am not responsible for your feelings.

Carefully, without crushing the heart, cover it with soap and turn on the faucet. Rubbing in careful circles, completely wash the honey away.

Backfire!

WHEN SELF-CARE SPELLS GO WRONG

If you’ve read any fairy tale or watched any movie about magic, you’ve seen a wish or spell backfire. Maybe someone wishes that everything he touches turns to gold, then finds he can’t pick up a burger without turning it into metal. Maybe someone wishes the goblins would steal her baby brother, but is horrified when they actually do. Magic sometimes works a little too well.

Spells for self-care can backfire this way, too. Finally giving yourself permission to put yourself first may feel like a dream come true, but once you start treating yourself more kindly, it’s a slippery slope into plain old selfishness. Have cookies for breakfast again? Sure, treat yourself! Skip the birthday party you said you’d go to? Hey, you could use a night in. Demand praise and soothing from your friends? Listen, you deserve it. Self-care seems decadent, but that’s just because you’re not used to it—right?

Well, maybe, but maybe not. If your self-care magic goes rogue, you become some person who always puts herself first, which defeats the purpose of the spell. Lax, permissive self-care—slacking, overindulging, pushing your responsibilities onto others while pampering yourself—may feel good in the moment, but in the long run it saps your energy and seals you off from the people you care about. By that point, it may be too late to stop; self-indulgence can operate like addiction, where you need bigger and bigger hits to feel anything. And the crash gets worse every time.

To avoid going off the rails, tap into personal strength—not just leniency, but self-reliance. Ask yourself a few questions before engaging in self-care, to make sure the spell won’t blow up in your face:

What do I gain from this? What does someone else lose? How do those two compare?

Can I differentiate what I want from what I need?

Who am I depending on for help right now? When did I last ask for their support? Do I always seek their help, or do I rely on others, too? Have I offered equivalent support to this person in the past? How long ago?

Will this spell, ritual, or treatment address the symptoms of my troubles or the cause? If it treats only the symptoms, will it make the cause worse?

What is the purpose of relaxing now? Does it let me rest up for future progress, or does it create a block to that progress?

If you notice that any particular self-care spell tends to go awry, try re- directing its energy toward something positive. For instance:

Instead of impulse shopping, buy a gift for a friend, find a homeless shelter’s Amazon wish list, purchase something from an organization that donates proceeds to charity, or contribute to a crowdfunding effort. You’ll still get the endorphin rush of shopping, but you’ll also be giving back.

Instead of sugary comfort food, try hydrating with water, coconut water, or herbal tea. Dehydration sets in quickly when you’re distracted, like when you’re harried or sad, and makes it harder to cope physically and mentally. Add a little honey for extra sweetness.

Instead of asking for support, offer it. If you’re feeling a bit down but aren’t dealing with a crisis, you can call your go-to agony aunt, or broadcast your unhappiness on social media, and get enough love to feel better for a day. But remember: reaching out to a friend with words of pride, love, and encouragement makes you feel good and strengthens your relationship instead of wearing it down.

A SPELL TO

Break a Curse

Many people like to believe that life has some sort of order: actions have reactions, and decisions have consequences. Logic dictates that good and bad things should happen at roughly even intervals.

But that’s not how the world works; there is no pattern or constantly balancing scale. The randomness of the universe means that, inevitably, misfortunes will sometimes clump together, with no fun or happy things popping up to compensate. At times like these, you might wonder if you’re under a curse.

Clearing away your hopelessness can be the first of many good things to turn your luck around.

Light the candle and let some wax drip into the bottom of the bowl; then use that wax to secure the lit candle upright. The candle should be long enough that the wick extends an inch or two above the bowl’s rim.

Fill the bowl with water, and then close your eyes. Imagine the negative events in your life coming together to form a shape of a specific color and size. Maybe it’s a tiny red triangle, or a bright yellow rhombus. Hold that shape in your mind long enough for the image to become clear.

Cup your hands in front of you and imagine the shape pouring out of your mind and into your hands, then cascading out of your hands and into the bowl. As this happens, imagine your feelings of inevitability flowing out, too. It’s a cliché, but repeat to yourself, “This too shall pass.” You’ll be surprised how much you need that reminder sometimes.

Once you feel like your negativity has drained, pluck the candle from the bowl and extinguish the flame in the water. Then take the bowl to a sink and wash your hands with the water in the bowl, watching everything that poured into it flowing away.