Basic Witches: How to Summon Success, Banish Drama, and Raise Hell with Your Coven - Jaya Saxena, Jess Zimmerman 2017

Enchantment: The Power to Make Choices about Love and Sex

Unabashed sexuality has always been part of a witch’s terrifying power. The witch danced naked. She consorted with lusty demons. She had untrammeled appetites. She took control of her reproduction and helped other women do the same. She “rode around” on a “broomstick,” if you know what we mean.

Today, women who are secure in, happy about, and in full command of their sexuality are still regarded with suspicion. Our right to control our bodies—from who we want to sleep with to whether we want to get pregnant—is as much a political battleground as it ever was. You’re a lot less likely to get burned at the stake, but you’re still up against some persistent punishing attitudes about sex. “Slut” is a common insult. Affirmative consent is still somehow a contentious concept. Rape survivors too often are dismissed—even demonized—because of what they were wearing when they were attacked or what kind of social lives they have.

But the power of the witch, the power of the unruly woman who laughs at society’s rules, is also the power to transcend all this nonsense by believing unshakably in her right to sexual and romantic expression. We can’t tell you how to make everyone else respect your choices, but we can help you respect your own choices so strongly that you don’t care what they think.

It can be hard to home in on your own needs and desires with everyone else’s expectations whirling around. Whether you love sex or shrug about it or are somewhere in between, at some point you’ll either date or be asked why you aren’t dating. You’ll sleep with those dates or decide you don’t want to. You’ll meet people who want to sleep with you and decide how you feel about that. You’ll be in a relationship or stay single. You’ll fall in love or you won’t. In all these cases, your inner witch can help get you through.

Conjuring Your Perfect Mate

Dating often feels less like looking for someone who has exciting qualities and more like systematically ruling out anyone who doesn’t—especially now that Tinder’s a thing. No shirt: swipe left. Dumb name: swipe left. “Loves to laugh”: swipe left. Ugh, beard: swipe left.

But in our hypervigilant search for red flags—does he list only male authors on his OkCupid profile? Does she hate dogs? Does he smoke?—we sometimes forget to pay attention to what we do want. It’s not enough to know what you won’t put up with. You also have to know what might make you happy. Take it from a couple of ladies who goofed up a few times before finding love: “A person, and not wrong for me” is emphatically not the same as “the right person for me.” This is where positive visualization can make a huge difference.

By now you know that stating your desires out loud (or at least on paper) is a powerful way to manifest your will in almost every situation. Conjuring up a mate (or date) is no exception. If you find yourself constantly compromising in love, looking for someone without many problems instead of someone with the ability to fill you with joy, you can benefit from the time-honored technique of conjuring a lovingly detailed imaginary friend.

Jess accidentally discovered this method of attracting romantic connection about a million years ago, when she was 22 and in love with someone emotionally unavailable. Tired of banging her head against that particular wall, she wrote a truly exhaustive description of a hypothetical ideal mate.

He reads everything and remembers the facts and the words he reads well enough to use them in conversation. He’s smarter than I am, in a field I find interesting. When I initially overreact to something he says that pushes my buttons, he doesn’t immediately counter my defensiveness and turn it into an actual argument—he has a way of making me calm down, step back, and be rational without making me feel like a basket case. He likes doing nice things for me, and he’s willing to ask for help when he needs it, but he doesn’t take advantage of or take for granted the fact that I like doing nice things for him. He asks my advice on things and then listens. He gives me advice, but not until I ask. He’s devoted to his friends. He calls his mom. He’s incredibly funny, sardonic, great with wordplay, great deadpan. He knows how to do playful antagonism—he’s just generally playful—but he doesn’t make jokes that are actually at my expense. He’s excited about the things he loves, but he’s not a particularly driven person and he doesn’t get worked up easily. He often has good ideas for something to do, but sometimes he just wants to curl up together, and he’ll say so.

Then she asked her friends to help give him a name, and she wound up calling him Park (no idea why). Naming her desired partner and enumerating what she wanted from him helped put things in sharp perspective. Every so often she would look at her current Unsuitable Real-Life Fellow—really look at him—and think: “Well, he’s no Park.” She knew that flings, fun as they were, didn’t have to go anywhere because…well, they were no Park. And when she finally found the right relationship, the one that felt good everywhere, she looked back at the description she’d written more than a decade before and thought, “Holy shit, this guy is Park.”

Jess’s friend Kirstin hilariously calls making such a list the “Build-a-Boy Workshop.” This method isn’t literal magic, of course: detailed contemplation won’t conjure your ideal beloved out of thin air. What this exercise can do is remind you that your ideal beloved should be more than just a warm body who isn’t too mean to you. And by training your focus on the specific qualities you want, you’ll naturally keep your eyes open for their manifestation in the real world, which will, eventually, help you summon that kind of person into your life. Here’s how to get started.

Go deep.

As you list the positive qualities of your ideal partner, try to go deeper than superficial traits. Rather than all the “favorites” you and your partner have to have in common—favorite band, favorite book, favorite food, etc.—focus on values or emotional traits instead. (In other words, don’t be like teen Jaya, whose ideal partner had the same favorite band, but different favorite songs by that band. You know, so they weren’t too similar. Needless to say, this person never showed up.) Think about what you truly value—not just what you like.

Interview your imagination.

Don’t know how to divine the meaningful qualities of your ideal partner? Imagine the questions you’d ask at a low-key interview for the position of “my significant other,” such as:

How do they respond when they disagree with their partner? And when their partner disagrees with them?

What kinds of activities do they prioritize?

What is their preferred relationship with other friends? With family?

What personal life goals are important to them?

What does “success” mean for them? What about “happiness”?

Know how you want to be loved.

Not everyone shows love the same way. Some people like to have heart-to-heart conversations, give compliments, and otherwise express affection with words. Others like to do favors, buy thoughtful gifts, and perform actions that make life easier for their beloved. When you get involved with someone who expresses love in a different way from you, you may feel smothered or abandoned and pressured to either vilify your partner (“he never buys me presents, what an asshole”) or convince yourself to ask for less (“she doesn’t express love verbally, so I just have to do without hearing ’I love you,’ even though that makes me feel anxious and lonely”).

It’s important to be open to your partner’s ways of expressing love—but it’s also okay to need what you need. When you envision your ideal mate, consider what makes you feel loved and cared for. Compliments and verbal affirmation? Cuddling and physical affection? Pampering when you feel down? Sometimes it’s embarrassing to admit what we need, but stay firm: witch hearts want what they want. Being upfront with yourself about how you express and experience love will help you recognize people who operate the same way as you—and help you stay compassionate and communicative if you fall for someone who operates differently.

Don’t get too dreamy.

Like many powerful forms of magic, there’s a flip side to this conjuring practice. Resist the urge to become so absurdly devoted to this imaginary person that real people have no hope of measuring up. Instead, let the ideal partner act as a beacon, a reminder that “good enough” isn’t good enough—that you can move toward something you truly want instead of merely dodging the worst.

A SPELL TO

Focus on What You Want

You can do this ritual anytime, but it works especially well if you have a date coming up. Fill the bathtub and immerse yourself, or lie in the bed. Focus on the sensation of being cradled and supported. Get out of the bath (and dry off) or get up from the bed, and repeat the following incantation:

As now, so forever. As alone, so with others.

After you’ve said the incantation, fold one piece of paper three times to seal that feeling.

Put on the glove or shoe. Focus on how it fits comfortably without constricting, chafing, or binding. Repeat the incantation, and then fold the second piece of paper to seal the feeling.

Do seven jumping jacks (or seven sit-ups, or seven cartwheels, or seven reps of whatever physical activity is comfortable for you). Focus on the sense of being energized and excited. Repeat the incantation a third time, and fold the third piece of paper.

Slowly eat the food. Focus on the feeling of being pleased and nourished. Repeat the incantation once last time, and fold the final piece of paper.

After the date (or the next day, if you don’t have a date planned), hold the folded pieces of paper between your hands close to your heart. Contemplate the feelings of support, comfort, energy, and pleasure that you are able to access on your own. Consider whether you experience these same feelings when in the presence of the other person, or whether any conflicts prevent you from being supported, comfortable, energized, or happy in the ways you are by yourself. Keep the papers inside a diary or favorite book so you can check in with these feelings in the future.

The Waxing and Waning of Desire

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU DON’T WANT TO HAVE SEX

Some witches believe in white and black magic not as performances of good and evil but as representations of magical energy. White magic is done when your energy is high, when you feel loved and happy and fulfilled, and it creates more of those feelings in the world. Black magic is performed out of fear and anger, a final thrashing of panic in order to survive, and it creates more fear and uncertainty.

This has to do with sex, we promise.

When Jaya was 12, she felt like the last person in the world who hadn’t kissed anyone. Her friends had started going on dates and were making out in movie theaters, and, once they realized she was being left out, they huddled together and schemed over which boy they could convince to initiate her. Which basically made her want to die.

Jaya would eventually get her first kiss, and many more, but what plagued her then wasn’t just that nobody seemed to want to kiss her. It was that, if she really thought about it, she didn’t feel like kissing, either. There was a bud of sexuality inside her and she knew that, someday, it would bloom. But she wasn’t ready for sex. Not yet. And she found it annoying as hell that her friends thought that was weird.

Growing up, most of us are bombarded with conflicting messages about sexual behavior. On one hand, it’s what our species is designed to do, and we’re treated as if there’s something wrong with us if we don’t want it. But on the other, we’re not supposed to want it too much, or want it at the wrong times, or consider it supremely important. Many people get angry at these mixed messages and let that anger provoke a reaction. But by reacting with energizing white magic instead of damaging black magic, we can neutralize both kinds of pressure and relieve our anger at the source. Here are some places the black magic can get you, and the white magic you can do to get it off your back.

When you’re single and happy

Black Magic: Caving to pressure to couple up by going on unfulfilling, unwanted dates. Assuming that being romantic is the only way to be social and becoming a hermit in response.

White Magic: Finding romance-free ways of being social, like seeing friends and family or joining clubs. Deflecting about your dating life by talking up all your activities and interests. Showing the people around you how fulfilling single life can be.

When you crave physicality but don’t want a partner

Black Magic: Dating someone you don’t like just for the cuddles and orgasms.

White Magic: Seeking friends who appreciate a little physical affection, like hugs or couch snuggles. Getting a massage. Spending all the money you’re saving on dates on sex toys.

When you’re in a romantic relationship but aren’t feeling a spark

Black Magic: Staying silent out of fear that your partner will be mad at you.

White Magic: Being open about your feelings and working together to find a solution. Are there things you and your partner can do to remain physical that you still feel comfortable with? Is this a sign of deeper issues within the relationship? Whatever the answer, addressing the situation will be much more nourishing than pretending it’s not happening.

When you want a romantic relationship but don’t want sex

Black Magic: Pretending you want sex to attract someone, who will inevitably feel disappointed when they learn the truth.

White Magic: Being upfront about your wants, and knowing that whoever comes into your life will be there because they know and accept you.

One final note: Given that many a witch and woman has been punished for thinking, talking about, or (gasp) having sex at the wrong times, or for enjoying it too much, it’s easy to conflate an embrace of your inner witch with an embrace of sexual promiscuity. Throwing away the shackles of sexual oppression is not the same as performing aggressive sexuality. Rejecting those expectations assumes you have sexual desires that need releasing in the first place, and maybe you don’t—and rejecting for rejection’s sake can quickly become a draining form of black magic. Making sexual choices for yourself, not to conform to or rebel against anyone else’s ideas, is what creates power. In turn, the beneficial white magic comes from acting on what you want, whether that’s freely accepting who you’re attracted to or finally admitting that you’re not at all interested in sex. Whatever the answer, you’re no less magic.

FLIRTING WITH RUNES

Runes are letters from ancient Germanic alphabets that are thought by many to possess magical charms. Casting runes can supposedly tell you about your future, or at least symbolize deep truths that mere words cannot reveal.

You know what else are cool-looking symbols that can say more than words? Emoji.

Witches are skilled at utilizing the deeper powers of glyphs and marks, whether by recognizing multiple meanings in a single symbol (for instance, if you text your crush an eggplant emoji, you’re probably not trying to suggest stir-fry for dinner) or simply by getting the person on the other end to pick up on the vibes.

Here’s how to use these modern-day runes to reveal deep truths while texting your crush.

Food

The food emoji are some of the most sensual: eating involves our mouths and our hands, and some food emoji look suspiciously like certain body parts. But if you don’t want to get as “explicit” as texting a banana or a peach, you have lots of other options. An ice cream swirl or lollipop are cute and sweet, and nothing says “I want to devour you” like a fork and a knife. Followed by a playful wink, of course.

Animals

Animal familiars are often used by witches for spying. Their familiar can hide in plain sight, gathering information about enemies, and relay it to their witch without anyone being the wiser. If an emoji exists of your animal familiar, text it to your crush and see if it elicits any new information about their deeper feelings. Or if it sparks a conversation about why on earth you just texted them a snake.

People

The dancing woman may be the flirtiest emoji out there, and depending on how you use her, she can mean either “I’m here to have fun!” or “BOY, BYE.” Images of people kissing can reveal your inner intentions, once you’re on that level, and lips or a tongue can reveal even more.

Spooky Things

The skull, candle, or crystal ball emoji can help you slowly reveal your darker side and also determine who spooks too easily to be worth your time. If you want to imply that you laughed yourself to death at a joke, text your crush a laughing face next to a coffin. If you’re exhausted from studying, send a book and a skull.

Hearts

Use the hearts to cast spells corresponding to their colors: for instance, red to inspire passion and sex, or pink for friendship. Yellow can inspire a deeper mental connection, while green gives vibes of good luck and harmony. It’s up to you which of those emotions you want to be the catalyst of your connection—just don’t use the broken heart unless you mean it.

Random Symbols

The lesser-used characters of the emoji alphabet offer lots of creative possibilities. A gift box might symbolize that you’ve got a surprise waiting. The thought bubble can mean that you’re thinking of your intended. And the “no one under 18” symbol could be a heads-up that you’re about to say some very grown-up things.

The Magic Circle of Consent

Witch spells can’t universally protect you against people who don’t respect your desires, but your personal relationship with witchery can help remind you that, at every moment in every encounter, your consent matters.

We often talk about consent as if it’s something handed over at a particular moment, when in fact it’s something two (or more) people build together over the course of a relationship, however brief or lengthy that relationship might be. Consent isn’t just something you grant or deny, it’s also something you manifest, in the way that you manifest your will when performing a magical ritual. We think will is probably a better word than consent—consent implies giving in to something or someone, whereas will is more about actively wanting something and making it happen. Sex shouldn’t be something you merely agree to; it should be something you will into being with your partner(s). (As the Wiccans say, “if it harm none, do what thou wilt.” Do what you will, not just what you agree to!)

Many rituals begin with a kind of traditional magic circle, the symbolic space created (often with salt or chalk, as on here). Standing inside the circle may offer protection or allow a witch to tap into and contain magical energy. But magic circles are fragile and should be exited carefully; breaking the circle disrupts the spell. Sexual consent—or sexual will—operates much the same way. Working with your partner, you can inscribe a metaphorical circle of safety and energy around your encounter, which collapses if it’s not maintained.

Drawing the circle

You may want to draw the circle verbally, by asking your partner what they want to do or requesting permission, but of course manifesting consent doesn’t have to be a formal exchange. Listen carefully, tune in to signals of enjoyment and enthusiasm, and signal your own desires clearly. But make things explicit if necessary—if you’re not sure they’re having fun, ask! If you’re uncomfortable or you want something to change, say so! Talking will only strengthen the circle, not break it.

Working the magic

A strong circle of consent, once drawn, can be self-sustaining. Instead of keeping your wits about you, constantly checking in to make sure that everyone is having fun, a firm circle lets you get a little more heedless. In fact, sex is used in a lot of magical practice specifically precisely because it has this power to remove your self-consciousness and ego—you should feel like you’re able to let go. Nevertheless, it’s important not to let the circle become an impermeable barrier: when you move on to a new activity, check back in momentarily with yourself and your partner. Everything still good? Then feel free to get lost again.

Breaking the circle

As with any cooperative magic, the moment one of you taps out, the spell of consent—of will—is broken. One person alone cannot create this circle, but one person can—and should be able to, if they choose—destroy it; it exists only as long as you’re both willing it into existence. With any luck, the circle will disappear naturally after everyone’s satisfied with the encounter, but sometimes the spell is broken before you (or your partner) anticipates. The key is to notice this crucial moment and not to ignore it—persisting despite a collapsed magic circle is a recipe for negative energy at best or emotional and physical damage at worst.

If the circle and your connection with your partner are strong, you may feel able to speak up in no uncertain terms when one of you wants to break the spell. But unlike many spells, this magic circle can dissolve without an explicit command. To use this magic responsibly, both you and your partner should also be attuned to nonverbal and physical signals—if the other person feels tense or resistant, that’s a good sign that the circle has disappeared. You may want to talk about it afterward, or you may prefer to conclude and part ways without obligation.

A SPELL OF

Yes and No

Your “yes” and “no” are already powerful. Even leaving aside everything they can do for you outside the bedroom, they’re the only thing—not someone else’s feelings, not what you “should” do, not what everyone else is doing—that should determine what kind of sex you have, and when, and with whom.

Sit or lie in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and concentrate on your heartbeat. Picture yourself as an immovable wall with a door set in it that only you can open and close. When you’re ready, say these words:

In earth, in water, in air, in fire

I am the master of my desire

As you say the incantation, picture a ball of green light and energy collecting around your right hand and a ball of red light and energy around your left.

Raise your right hand, and say aloud, “Yes.” Picture the green light shooting forth and emitting waves of pressure in the air. Raise your left hand, and say aloud, “No.” Picture the red light doing the same.

Touch your right hand to the floor or ground, and say aloud, “Yes.” Picture the green light shaking the earth like a tiny quake. Touch your left hand to the floor or ground, and say aloud, “No.” Picture the red light doing the same.

Repeat the incantation, focusing on the water; as you say “yes” and “no,” imagine the surface rippling like the glass of water in Jurassic Park.

Repeat the incantation again, focusing on the candle, and imagine it guttering and flickering in response to the power of your “yes” and “no.”

Say the incantation once again, and picture the red and green lights receding from your hands into your body, where it will stay until you need to use it.

Choosing the “Broomstick” for You

The image of a witch riding a broomstick has a secret meaning…which is pretty obvious when you think about it. A woman straddling a long, hard object is a threat not just because she can spit on you from the sky. She’s a threat because she’s straddling a long, hard object.

Modern Western society is still generally uncomfortable with masturbation, so imagine how uncomfortable we were in the days when the dominant culture was so strongly religious that witch hunts were considered a social good. For many, the idea that a woman could feel complete by herself, without a man, was shocking and shameful. (Honestly, for many, it still is.) The broomstick symbolized the heretical act of a woman taking physical pleasure into—literally—her own hands.

The witch on her broomstick is proud, not ashamed, of her body, and she doesn’t need to ask permission to tap into her sexuality. Orgasms are serious big-time magic—it’s no coincidence that many occult traditions incorporate sex rituals, and some occult scholars even believe you can harness orgasmic energy and use it like a battery—and the witch wields that power all on her own. (Of course, toys—a broomstick or an easily cleaned silicone equivalent—can be used with a partner. But you can use them alone if you don’t have a partner, if your partner isn’t around, if you’re tapping into the power of orgasm for a practical spell, if you really want to freak out a Puritan, or for whatever reason you like.)

You don’t know for sure which sex toys will work for you until you try them out, and many are too expensive for much comparison shopping. Figuring out what sensations you like can help you narrow down your options. (All of these can be used regardless of your anatomy, though some may be better suited to people with a vagina. We’re omitting toys that are designed to be penetrated, both because those aren’t as universally useful and because the broomstick metaphor has to be good for something.)

The Elfin Wand

Some people want a lot of control over where they direct sensations. A small vibrator is perfect for this, and some can be strapped onto your finger, so you don’t have to worry about hanging on to something small and fiddly. If you have a vagina and also enjoy penetration, many penetrative vibrators have a little external prong that delivers focused vibration, though it’s harder to direct than smaller nonpenetrative options. For extra control, choose a vibe with multiple speed settings.

The Thunder Goddess

If you prefer a more distributed, strong vibration, which covers more ground but is less easily directed, you may want a vibrating wand with a large head. These aren’t designed for penetration but can be used in combination with a G-spot or prostate toy. They’re great for people who find very focused sensations distracting or even painful. Try to find one with multiple speeds, because the really powerful wands are…well, really powerful. Vulva-havers who have a hard time reaching orgasm report that the classic Hitachi magic wand can work wonders, but some feel that Hitachi vibrations are too strong to be sexy.

The Devil’s Finger

Though G-spot (for vagina-havers) or prostate (for prostate-havers) stimulation doesn’t always lead directly to orgasm, it can significantly enhance your experience. Every body is different, so figure out where your spot is manually before you go shopping, so you can get a toy with the right proportions. Pay attention to what kind of stimulation does the trick for you; some toys with targeted penetration also vibrate, and others don’t. You may find that vibration is key, or that it’s too weak and you prefer a toy that is rubbed or rocked against the target spot.

Or, if nothing but an actual literal enchanted flying machine will suit your needs, you can do what historical witches reportedly did: ask for help from demons.

POPULAR IMAGES OF WITCHES depict them soaring through the sky on broomsticks to terrorize innocent townspeople (or play quidditch). But if a witch is powerful enough to fly on her own, why the arbitrary accessory? Just where did the broomstick come from?

The answer boils down to the two major themes of witch paranoia—drugs and sex. Humans have long experimented with hallucinogenic plants. As John Mann writes in Murder, Magic, and Medicine, humans discovered in medieval times not only that eating things like deadly nightshade and mandrake may make you intensely nauseated, but also that absorbing them through the skin, especially the thinner mucus membranes, produced effects that are significantly…trippier. Psychedelic self-medication figured in some of the earliest accounts of witches with brooms: in 1324, an investigation of Lady Alice Kyteler for witchcraft produced a “Pipe of oyntment, wherewith she greased a staffe, upon which she ambled and galloped through thick and thin,” according to Robert C. Fuller in Stairways to Heaven: Drugs in American Religious History. Brooms were a handy way to get that “oyntment” flowing through your body.

However, the notion of witches flying on broomsticks didn’t come for another three hundred years or so. Between 1668 and 1675, hundreds of women in Sweden were accused of stealing children on the Sabbath to worship the Devil. According to child witnesses, the women would make their escape by flying on poles. Reports of these Swedish trials went the seventeenth-century equivalent of viral. Soon thereafter, the Puritan townspeople of Salem, Massachusetts, began to accuse witches of flying, which the witches themselves corroborated. In Farther Account of the Tryals of the New-England Witches, minister and witch-hunter Cotton Mather wrote that one Martha Carrier “confessed that the Devil carried them on a pole.” Other members of Carrier’s family were charged with flying, and according to another account, cited in Stacy Schiff’s The Witches, nearly seventy witches descended on a meadow flying on various poles.

By 1711, poles had given way to classic witchy brooms. In his History of the Ridiculous Extravagancies of Monsieur Oufle, published that year, the French abbot and philosopher Laurent Bordelon balks at the supposed power of witches: “What probability is there, that as often as a silly old Woman is pleased to mutter two or three Words out of the Grimoire, or Black-Book, and clap a Broom betwixt her Legs, that Satan should be oblig’d to transport her thro’ the Chirney whither she pleases?” (Good question.)

Although we can’t be sure what prompted the switch from pole to broom in the popular imagination of the witch-fearing public, there are a few theories about the connection between unruly women and sweeping implements. Jumping on brooms was part of some Pagan planting rituals, and a broom may have seemed like a suspiciously convenient place for a witch to conceal a wand (pretty much every preindustrial woman had a broom, after all—it’d be a great hiding spot). Regardless of the origins of the association, some modern-day Wiccans have chosen to incorporate brooms into their (non-transport-related) magical work, especially (fittingly!) for spells of cleansing and purification—because nothing is more magical than chores.

Saying the Magic Words in Bed

We talk a lot in this book about the power of speaking your goals and desires out loud, and nowhere is this power more important than in the bedroom. But that doesn’t make verbalizing during intimacy easy: we may absorb the idea that good girls don’t talk about naughty things, or that only pushy women ask for what they want. Such fast-acting incantations may take a little practice.

Here are a few topics of bedroom communication and some magic words you can practice saying to get the conversation going.

Pleasure

“What feels good” is the most obvious topic to talk about when you’re engaged in an activity that’s supposed to make both of you feel good. Because bodies are so varied, and what feels pleasurable to someone else might not suit you, communication is the only way to have truly satisfying sex. You don’t have to jump right to graduate-level dirty talk, but practicing a few key phrases will help you feel more confident directing the action.

Magic words: “I want you.” “That feels good.” “Faster.” “Slower.”

Pain

Women are often taught to be “polite” about sex, and sometimes in intimate situations we avoid speaking up about discomfort that keeps us from fully enjoying ourselves. Maybe your partner is leaning on you painfully, or you’re falling off the bed, or you don’t think having your boob honked is sexy—but you think mentioning it would ruin the moment. We promise: it won’t. You never have to put up with unpleasantness, pain, or even minor discomfort just to avoid awkwardness.

Magic words: “Can you move a little?” “That hurts.” “Don’t do that.” “Gentler, please.”

Contraception and STI prevention

We don’t have to tell you how important it is to use protection during sex. But we can give you permission to be really annoying about it, if you want to be—even if doing so is awkward, even if it ruins the moment, even if it gets on people’s nerves. Insist on a condom if you want to, even if you’re already on the Pill or have an IUD. If you can get pregnant, don’t hesitate to tell a partner who can get people pregnant your views on abortion before anything goes down. And if your method of protection isn’t working for you, you can—and should—stick up for yourself, both with partners and with medical professionals. Recent research has shown that hormonal birth control is linked with depression in a way doctors have long ignored, and there are other side effects that doctors may not take seriously. Put your foot down if you need to.

Magic words: “When were you last tested?” “You’ll need a condom.” “These side effects are not okay with me and I need an alternative.”

A SPELL FOR

Talking about Sex

Once, Jaya hired a witch to cast a spell on her marriage. On Etsy, you can find no shortage of self-described witches promising to make someone love you or offering to hex your ex. So, after blithely sending her full name and birthday to a stranger on the internet (don’t do this, folks!) Jaya received confirmation of the spell a week later: photos of her and her husband’s names written on a red envelope full of herbs as it was burned over a candle, presumably with a witch behind the camera chanting for the magical sex they would soon be having.

So, did it work? Sort of. After the spell was cast, Jaya felt a palpable sexual energy (she didn’t tell her husband what she had done), and their interactions were great. But around the same time they both caught a horrible stomach virus.

To avoid any adverse results, we recommend this at-home version of the spell. Try doing it on a Tuesday or a Friday. Tuesday is ruled by Mars, who rules over sex and lust, and Friday by Venus, who rules over love and passion.

Light the candle and sit in front of it, and take a moment to focus on the flame. Then hold the thyme between your fingers and in front of your face. Start rubbing the thyme in your fingers, enough so that you begin to smell it strongly.

Once the herb releases its scent, rub it on the center of your forehead, your lips, and your chest. Breathe deeply, and picture twin paths of light traveling from your head and your heart to your lips. With every breath, imagine those paths growing brighter and stronger, drawing your thoughts and feelings out of your brain and heart (respectively) and toward your mouth.

Breathe this way until you feel the connections getting stronger. Then place the remaining thyme in the envelope and carry it with you for at least a week. Whenever you find yourself thinking of sex, hold the envelope in your hands, remembering those paths to your mouth to encourage your thoughts and feelings to flow smoothly.

IN 1484, INNOCENT VIII issued a papal bull authorizing church inquisitors to investigate claims of witchcraft. The bull was written at the request of Inquisitor Heinrich Kramer, who would go on to cowrite the Malleus Maleficarum—the explicitly misogynistic witch-hunting guide. Kramer believed there had been an outbreak of witchcraft in Germany and wanted permission to prosecute it to the fullest extent of his power.

The papal bull granted that permission. It officially recognized the existence of witches and described their crimes, some of which it explicitly related to sex, abortion, and contraception: witches “have slain infants yet in the mother’s womb,” and they “hinder men from performing the sexual act and women from conceiving.”

The Malleus Maleficarum talks about witches preventing conception and causing abortions—or, when those failed, eating babies or offering them to the devil. The authors recognize that not all contraception is witch-induced: “a man can by natural means, such as herbs…procure that a woman cannot generate or conceive.” When a woman does it, though? There’s something real suspicious about that.

As John M. Riddle writes in Eve’s Herbs: A History of Contraception and Abortion in the West, women have been finding ways to limit childbearing since basically the dawn of civilization. Often they used brute force, either by blocking the cervix to prevent impregnation with a device similar to a modern diaphragm made of wool or bamboo (or another material available in a pre-industrial society), or by inducing miscarriage through physical exertion or applying pressure to the abdomen. Ancient Egyptians made a kind of contraceptive sponge out of honey, dates, plant matter, and acacia gum (which breaks down into lactic acid, an ingredient used in modern spermicides). In ancient Greece, a midwife might have administered silphium, a fennel-like herb that was so effective an abortifacient that demand for its use may have led to its extinction. Herbs like pennyroyal and Queen Anne’s lace are still occasionally used to induce abortion today, though they are neither safe nor reliable.

None of these contraceptive methods require actual magical power, of course; they’re just science, folklore, or often a little of both. But for the Catholic Church and its agents, women controlling their reproduction was inherently devilish. By assigning malign motives to contraception and abortion, they condemned women’s bodily autonomy.

Well, fine. If birth control and abortion are witchcraft, then all women (and all people with uteruses) should get to be witches. Eating babies is a problem, but otherwise, we get complete control over what we do with our wombs—and no inquisitor can tell us otherwise.

A SPELL TO

Feel Sexually Powerful

First, put on your outfit. (Alternatively, be naked. This and most spells work great when performed unclothed.) Next, look at yourself in the mirror. Pose, move, maybe take a selfie or two, whatever it takes for you to recognize your body and start enjoying what you see. Then lay the blanket on the floor and light the candle. Lie down on the blanket and place the candle on the floor just above your head. (Make sure it’s in a candleholder or other sturdy base to keep it from falling over.)

Close your eyes, keeping the image of yourself in the mirror in your mind’s eye. Start moving your hands up and down your body, being aware of every inch of your skin and how it feels against the fabric and the blanket. Then let your mind drift to your sexual desires. If you don’t know what you desire, use your imagination to put yourself in different sexual situations. How does it feel? What do you find that interests you?

Breathe deeply as your body starts to feel warmer. When you’re ready, recite the following three times:

My body is fire

And I am deserving

Of all my desires

Slowly get up and blow out the candle. Sleep under that blanket that night.

A TAROT RITUAL FOR

Accepting Singleness

The idea of the balanced pair is important to a lot of spiritual and magical systems: the dark and light, the yin and yang. But singularity also has magical significance. We greatly value things we have only one of, things that are indivisible and irreplaceable: the sun, the earth, our bodies.

Remove the following cards from the deck and stack them in this order: the Lovers, the Hermit, the Fool, the Magician, either the High Priestess or the Hierophant (choose based on preference, gender identity, or coin toss), either the Empress or the Emperor (ditto), the Chariot, the Star, the Moon, the Sun, the World, Strength, Justice, Temperance, Judgment, the Wheel of Fortune.

Lay the Lovers and the Hermit in front of you. The Lovers will represent partnership and couplehood. The Hermit will represent who you are when you’re solitary.

Then contemplate each of the cards in turn before placing it on the Hermit. For the Fool, think about your sense of humor and wonder. For the Magician, think about your knowledge and intelligence. For the High Priestess or the Hierophant, think about your wisdom and morality. For the Empress or the Emperor, think about your leadership qualities. For the Chariot, think about travel and adventures you’ve had or are planning. For the Star, think about your connection with the spiritual or the scientific. For the Moon, think about personal sensitivity and connection to your body. For the Sun, think about the radiance of your personality. For the World, think about your goals. For Strength, Justice, Temperance, and Judgment, think about each of those qualities. These represent the qualities you possess whether you’re single or coupled, the qualities that make you whole.

When you reach the Wheel of Fortune, place it on top of the Lovers. This represents the only thing you have while in a couple that you don’t have on your own: the luck to have encountered someone compatible.

The ritual is complete. You may reshuffle the tarot deck to use again. If you don’t plan to use it for a while, though, you may want to keep the cards you assigned to the Hermit in an accessible place like a bedside table, to look through if you feel down.

A SPELL FOR

Healing a Broken Heart

Heartbreak is so agonizing because it infiltrates every part of your life. You reevaluate your opinion of yourself—are you less worthy and lovable than you’d thought? You are forced to reimagine your days—all the time you used to spend with someone else feels empty and meaningless. You let go of all your visions of what your future would be like and face the void of a life without the other person. It destabilizes your daily life, your confidence, your plans, and your sense of identity. A centering ritual can be the first step to reclaiming stability.

Sit on the floor or ground in a quiet, secluded space with little or no breeze. Lean forward and place the picture on the ground as far away from you as you can reach. Place the jar at your side.

Pluck the outer petals off the rose and lay them around you in a semicircle, with at least a foot of space between the petals and your body. Move the picture just inside the semicircle.

Pluck the next layer of petals off the rose and lay them around you in a semicircle closer to you than the previous semicircle. Move the picture just inside this new semicircle. Repeat once more, making a third semicircle and placing the picture right in front of you.

Hold the heart of the rose between your hands, close to your heart, and concentrate on all the qualities you possess that have nothing to do with the person you lost. What do you love doing by yourself? What are you like when they’re not around? What essential qualities are inherent to you and unchanged by your heartbreak? Place the heart of the rose in the jar.

Collect the petals from the innermost semicircle, and move the picture to just inside the second semicircle. As you pick up the petals, think about the positive aspects of having your living space to yourself, exactly the way you want it. Put the petals in the jar.

Collect the petals from the next semicircle, and move the picture to just inside the final semicircle. As you pick up the petals, think about the strongest parts of your social life without your former flame—spending time with friends, clubs you belong to, and activities you like doing on your own. Put the petals in the jar.

Collect the petals from the outermost semicircle, and again place the picture as far away as you can reach. As you pick up the petals, think about positive plans for your future that do not involve the person you’ve lost. Do you have a trip coming up, or can you plan a solo journey in the near future? Are you poised for a success in work or school? Put the petals in the jar.

With the scissors, cut the picture into three parts and bury it in the ground, in a flowerpot, or in a trash can. Keep the jar of petals until you feel stronger, and then scatter the dried petals in a place that is meaningful to you but where your former beloved has never set foot.