Doable: The Girls' Guide to Accomplishing Just About Anything (2015)

STEP 4: DEVELOP SUPPORT SYSTEMS

Have you ever gone on a road trip? If you have, most likely you knew where you were going (your destination) and exactly how you were going to get there (your route and your transportation). But it takes more than a plan, a set of wheels, and the open road in front of you for a road trip to be successful. There is a GPS or map, the occasional pit stop for gas and snacks and bathrooms along the way, a cell phone charger, an iPod playlist, a spare tire in the trunk, and maybe even a AAA card handy in case you run into any problems.

In the past three chapters, you’ve learned the importance of getting clear on your concrete goal, you’ve developed a solid plan you can follow to achieve it, and you’ve considered the possible roadblocks to your success and strategized ways to get past them. But even if you’re Little Miss Independent, finding different ways to support yourself is a key component to a successful outcome. This support can come in various forms, but its purpose is always the same: to get all the energy moving in the right direction so you’re more likely to reach your goal.

This is the sentiment behind step 4 of the Doable process—Develop Support Systems—and in this chapter, we’ll take a look at what exactly that means as well as how you can tap into all the support already available to you.

A New Definition of Support

When people think of support, their minds tend to go right to financial support (such as borrowing money from our folks) or people pitching in to help someone (feel free to break into an a cappella version of “Lean on Me”). But there are many more ways you can connect with available support to bolster your chances of completing your To Do—you just have to think creatively and ask yourself this question: what support already exists that can help me achieve my goal?

When Sarah Cronk first got The Sparkle Effect up and running, she had a partner in crime, a copresident named Sarah Herr. The girls had different strengths that helped them balance one another out.

“[Sarah Herr] was an incredibly talented cheerleader and was the perfect instructor, so whenever we were working with teens, she knew exactly how to run the most effective training possible,” Sarah Cronk says. “She was great at working with kids with disabilities—you know, on the spot like that—but my stronger areas were more behind the scenes. So that really worked out for us in the beginning, and we learned how to play off of each other’s strengths.”

Sarah Herr left the organization after she graduated, but Sarah Cronk has continued to get the support she needs from those around her. “We wouldn’t have gotten anywhere close to where we are now without our amazing corporate sponsors who do things like help us with free advertising and promotional pushes, and our board of directors who bring valuable insight and direction to the organization, especially with regards to nonprofit management, ability activism, and legal responsibilities. And we now have an entire team of trainers, and we’ve been sending people to different locations all summer long. So we’ve grown into this incredible team that also has different strengths in different areas.”

For go-getters on a mission like Sarah, other people—aka human resources—are probably the greatest source of support. And the good news is, most people truly like helping other people. In fact, science shows that being someone who helps others is one of the biggest predictors of happiness. In the book Why Good Things Happen to Good People: The Exciting New Research that Proves the Link Between Doing Good and Living a Longer, Healthier, Happier Life, authors Stephen Post and Jill Neimark quote a study which found that “teens who are giving, hopeful, and socially effective are also happier and more active, involved, excited, and challenged than their less engaged counterparts.” The evidence just gets stronger as people get older. The bottom line is that helping others is good for people.

Whether your To Do involves helping others or not, don’t hesitate to accept support. By letting others help you, you’re helping them be happier! Even the smallest To Dos can be supported with a little outside personal help. But to tap into this form of good-for-the-soul support and make it work for you, you have to know who to ask and what to ask for.

The Who

Let’s start with the Who. Chances are, potential help is everywhere. Just look around and you’ll likely find some of these types of people, who would love not only to see you succeed but also to be a part of helping you get there:

Mentors: Mentors are people who volunteer their time and energy to advise, guide, and steer others in the right direction when it comes to school, work, relationships, future dreams … life. Whether you connect with a formal mentor through an organization like the Girl Scouts or Step Up or the Fulfillment Fund, or you’ve simply identified someone you admire who plays that role in your life, your mentors have an emotional stake in whether or not you succeed. They’re mentors because they want to be. They want to have an impact; they are often driven to give back as a way of honoring their own personal mentors, and, chances are, they’ll be eager to step up to the plate and support you however they can.

“I think it’s really important to find adults outside of your family who are supportive,” says college student Anna Gallagher, “so I go out to tea or for a walk with one of my neighbors. She’s in her late forties and she used to be a high school counselor, so she’s quite interested in my age group. She was someone I would talk to throughout the college admissions process. She doesn’t have the same attachment as a parent, so it’s sometimes more honest. An outside voice is good to hear, and I’ve found her to be a great support system for me.”

Teachers: Hopefully you have at least one of those teachers who is the stuff movie characters are modeled after—you know, the ones who would walk through fire for their students and whose passion for helping students is abundantly clear by the way they teach their classes and connect with their kids. If you have one of those, even if it’s a former teacher from another year, you’re good to go.

For Sahar Osmani—college student, Air Force ROTC member, and president of SDSU’s chapter of the Coaching Corps—that teacher is her freshman English teacher. “Even when he became assistant principal, he used to pull me out of class just to check in on me, and I would sit and talk to him. I would have lunch with him every once in a while. After I graduated, he was the one person that I still kept in touch with via email. Or when I go back home, I have lunch with him and just catch up. He’s constantly asking me about, you know, how my grades are doing, how everything’s going down here in San Diego. And it’s really cool. Really positive,” she says.

Friends: True friends want to see you succeed, and if you need extra hands to tackle your To Do, enlisting the help of your friends is a no-brainer. Depending on what you’re doing, more hands can mean quicker results, or at the very least, a better chance of succeeding.

Recent college graduate Cammy Nelson has created a little support posse of five close friends whom she reaches out to for feedback and guidance on all her schemes and dreams. “When I come up with an idea, I send it to them and get their feedback. And if they say, ‘Well, you know, it sounds cool, but it needs a little more work,’ I’ll work on it.” For example, while coming up with fundraising ideas for her student organization in college, Cammy shared an idea with her friends, an idea she believed was, in her words, genius. But her friends stared back blankly, one of them ever-so-kindly saying, “Um, Cam, I don’t really see the hook in that.” And so that idea was scratched. Cammy goes on, “They’re not afraid to tell me the truth and just say, ‘I’m totally confused about what you’re talking about right now.’ They’re people who have seen me through the highs and lows of almost everything, so they know how to deal with me.” Wow, who wouldn’t love a posse like that?

Parents or Caregivers: The people charged with raising you are an organic part of your support system, whether they explicitly help you on your big To Dos or work behind the scenes to meet your basic needs of food, clothing, and shelter while you’re busy kicking ass in your own life. And don’t underestimate their desire to help you move toward your goal in any way they can!

Coaches: Whether you’re on a sports or academic team or you have your own life coach, coaches are passionate about getting the best performance out of the students they work with. And depending on the goal you’re working toward, they may be directly involved in helping you reach it. Coaches, like mentors, do what they do because they love to play a role in inspiring, motivating, and supporting others. Why not take advantage of that?

Librarians: If you’re looking for help researching pretty much anything, librarians are an often-overlooked source. Librarians are masters of information—they generally know exactly where to look to find what you need to know. And if they don’t, they’ll work tirelessly until they can get you answers. (It’s what they love to do … who knew?)

Tutors: If you’re working toward a specific academic goal—getting better grades, making honor roll, scoring high on the SATs—there are people out there whose very business is helping you reach your goals. You can find tutors for just about any subject, so by enlisting their help, you give yourself the gift of powerful, specific support. And who wouldn’t want that?

Hopefully by now you have some ideas about who you could reach out to as you work toward your own goals. If you want to take it a step further, you can create a shortlist of your to-turn-to people—that way, anytime you’re feeling like you’re on your own trying to reach your goals, you can whip out your list and be reminded of the support team that’s just a text message away.

The What

So we’ve covered the Who. Now let’s look at the What—as in, what exactly are you asking people to do for you?

Of course, much of the time, this depends on what you’re trying to do. For example, if you’re having trouble finding sources for a term paper, you might ask your local librarian for strategies to uncover more research. If you’re running for student council president, you might ask your friends to help you campaign, or ask a mentor to give you feedback on your debate strategy. Sometimes it’s just extra muscle—able bodies to help you lift or lug or move or do anything that requires physical, tangible help. And sometimes it’s just emotional support—someone to be your personal cheerleader and keep you going even when you start to lose faith.

When you ask for support from others, be sure to tell them exactly what you need them to do. For example, if your friend offered to help you put up decorations for your end-of-the-school-year party, give her the supplies and show her samples of how you want it done. Otherwise your visions might clash, and come party time, you’ll be wondering why your backyard is full of candles and flowers instead of tiki torches and leis. Without direction, well-meaning helpers may end up creating more work for you or getting you off track, which will only result in frustration all around.

There is another way others can help us accomplish what we set out to do. It isn’t as apparent as tangible help, but it’s one of the most effective tools you can have in your Doable arsenal: accountability. Accountability is essentially making yourself responsible to someone or something. For some people, being accountable to themselves is all it takes—they set goals and work toward them without any problems because they don’t want to let themselves down. But for the rest of us? Being accountable to another person can be a tremendous influence in helping us reach what we’re after. It’s based on the idea of social expectations: when another person or a group of people expects us to do something, most of the time we feel compelled to meet that expectation. While I’m not one to give too much weight to what other people think about what I do, I’ve found accountability to be an incredibly powerful tool for getting stuff done.

Building accountability into your To Dos doesn’t have to be a big deal. It might be as simple as asking someone to check in on your progress with the occasional friendly nudge. For example, you could say to a mentor or teacher or friend, “Hey, I need to finish my resume by May 1 so I can apply for a decent summer job. Can you ask me about it by April 25 to see how I’m doing?” Boom—instant accountability. Or at the very least, a reminder system that will allow you to still hit your deadline, even if you haven’t taken action by the time your friend checks in.

There are also many organizations that have their own built-in accountability component, like Junior Achievement, the Girl Scouts, and Step Up. By showing up for regular meetings where you’ll be asked to report your progress, you’re providing yourself with a framework for accountability.

Marni Bates uses accountability a lot in her day-to-day life, especially as a way to tackle her procrastination tendencies. She is part of a small community of writers who keep everybody honest as they work on their respective books. She explains, “One of us will say, ‘Hey, we’re each going to write nine thousand words by Wednesday, and if you don’t make it you’re not allowed to read romance novels,’ or ‘you’re not allowed to watch the Disney Channel.’ We try and come up with punishments that will make us want to keep going with our stuff.”

My favorite form of accountability is a go-big-or-go-home approach: publicly declare on social media exactly what you plan to do and ask your online community to help you stick to it. For example, say you’ve signed up for your first 5K, but you regularly struggle getting your training runs in. You know that if you don’t put in the time to train, race day isn’t going to feel so hot. You could post an update on Facebook like, “Don’t feel like heading out for my run today … rain, cold, bleh. Need a little push … can you help me out?” In no time, your Facebook friends will be urging you on and you’ll be further fueled to lace up and get out there. There’s nothing better than reporting in after your run with a “Thanks all … killed it!”

As you map out your plan of attack for plugging ahead toward your goal, think about who in your network of people—from family and friends to acquaintances and authority figures in your life—might be just the perfect person to step up to the plate, have your back, and maybe even give you a metaphorical kick in the pants if and when you need it.

YOUR SUPPORT PLAN: PART 1

For each goal you’re working toward, support yourself by getting clear on your Who and What when it comes to how others can play roles in your pursuit. Grab your journal or flip open your Doable workbook and fill in the following.

1. Your Goal: Write down the name of the goal you are working toward.

2. Your Who: Write down the names of your go-to people … those people who will always go out of their way to help you anytime you need support. Of your go-to people, whom do you want to reach out to for help with this goal? Is there anyone else outside your circle who is perfectly positioned to support you and might be willing to help?

3. Your What: What kind of support would best help you achieve your goal? Describe your ideal support for each of the following categories:

■ Emotional (confidence boosts, pep talks)

■ Physical (hands-on, tangible support)

■ Accountability (check-ins, deadline tracking)

4. Put It All Together: Go through your list of people you want to reach out to and write down the specific kind of help you plan to ask each person for. For example:

■ Denelle James: Design the logo and poster for my photography stand at the art show

■ Kevin Ellis: Help me hand out flyers after school

■ Ms. Boyle: Advise me on the color corrections of my photo proofs

Organizations and Clubs

No matter what you’re looking to do, I’d bet good money that you could find a related organization, website, or community that just might be an ideal resource. Whether you’re working on starting your own business, designing a website, finding the perfect volunteer gig, or learning how to parler français, find out what kinds of resources already exist that can put you on the fast track to your final destination. Here are just a few ideas to get you thinking about the types of sources of information and motivation you can tap into.

SPECIALTY ORGANIZATIONS AND NONPROFITS

Like-minded people who share a passion or interest often join forces and create formal communities. Sometimes these are small, local grassroots efforts, and sometimes they’re mega-global movements.

There are, as I mentioned earlier, the biggies—large national or international organizations designed to support young women in pursuing their dreams. Girl Scouts, Girls Inc., Step Up, Girls for a Change, Girl Talk, and others like them have tools and programs specifically designed around the types of goals you might be pursuing. As a bonus, they often have built-in accountability in the form of mentorship, and some have reward systems to spark your motivation (earn a Girl Scouts badge lately?). And then there are smaller local or regional organizations or nonprofits that might be a perfect match for what you’re trying to do.

For example, say Ariel lives in Los Angeles and dreams of being a professional screenwriter someday. She already has tons of ideas for screenplays she’d like to write, and she’s read (and practically memorized) the bible of the screenwriting industry, the book Story by Robert McKee. But Ariel needs help applying what she’s read to her actual script writing. Plus, through her self-discovery work in step 3, Ariel has recognized that while she’s really good at starting screenplays, one of her typical obstacles is not finishing any of her projects.

After a little poking around online, Ariel discovered WriteGirl, an LA-based nonprofit that partners women writers with teen girls for creative writing and mentorship. A quick look at WriteGirl’s website shows that the organization offers a workshop on character and dialogue, and many of the mentors are screenwriters, so there is a good chance Ariel could be paired with a working Hollywood screenwriter for one-on-one mentoring. Now Ariel has found the ideal support partner, and before she knows it, she’ll be typing the words The End for the first time ever!

But organizational support extends beyond those groups designed specifically around mentoring and supporting girls. Organizations and movements exist around pretty much any interest, and tapping into the resources they already have in place can buoy you toward success.

Say McCauley is passionate about bringing clean water to villages in sub-Saharan Africa. Making an impact on her own would be incredibly difficult, unless her mom is an ambassador and she has direct access to aid organizations who need her help. But what if she’s recently learned about Charity: Water, a global nonprofit whose sole purpose is bringing safe drinking water to every person on the planet? Now McCauley can focus her efforts on creating a campaign or raising funds to sponsor a well in the developing country of her choice. McCauley’s To Do list just got more streamlined and concrete. She only has to do her part and Charity: Water, will do the rest, using 100 percent of the money McCauley raises to fund water projects.

CLUBS

Informal clubs that get together over shared interests are another way to connect with people and gain support as you work toward your goals. You can find Meetups in every city and town, based on any area of interest you can imagine. These groups bring together people for anything from learning obscure forms of exercise to reading similar books, from singing show tunes or participating in flash mobs to cleaning up the beach. (And if you can’t find a Meetup that suits your needs, you can always form your own!)

Depending on the To Do you’re tackling, consider whether or not surrounding yourself with people working toward the same goal might give you the extra oomph you need to reach a successful conclusion. Then set about to finding your people. Besides Meetups, you can see if there are clubs—at your school, in your community, or online—built around your thing. Want to participate in a poetry jam? Join a poetry club. Want to enter the Google Science Fair? Hook up with the Science Club for Girls. You get the point.

VIRTUAL HANGOUTS

Some people say being continuously plugged in—to our smartphones, our tablets, our computers, our iPods—has made us disconnected as a society. Me? I think our society and communities just look different today than they did in generations past. Today, with one click of a button, we can connect in a very real way with people from around the world, united by a cause, an ideal, or a passion. As of the writing of this book, there are 620 million groups on Facebook. There are 10 million LISTSERVs on Yahoo! Groups. That’s a lot of groups. And that’s just two social networking tools. Add Twitter, Pinterest, and the millions of online-only environments rich in content, information, and connection, and anyone looking for support in making a goal more doable doesn’t have to go far to find it.

TECHNOLOGY AND SYSTEMS

Have you ever heard of the saying, “You don’t need to reinvent the wheel”? That adage is the friend of would-be Doers because it reminds us to take advantage of existing technology that can specifically, and efficiently, move us closer to our goals. For example, if your goal is to start a blog, why not start a Tumblr or grab a free plug-and-post template from WordPress? All you have to do is add your content and you’re off. There’s no need to write your own HTML code for a brand-new website. Or if you want to add a half-mile distance to your run each week, MapMyRun does all the work of measuring out a route for you. Maybe you want to eliminate Monsanto foods from your diet. There’s an app for that too—rather than research all the manufacturers of the food you eat, scan the barcodes on food labels with the Buycott app, which lets you know if the food is in the clear.

While it would take me a very long time to name all the different technological resources available that might support you in doing what you want to do (and I would definitely miss my deadline to my publisher if I tried to do so), my hope is that the following list will help get you started thinking creatively about how you can use existing technology, systems, and applications to help you reach your goals. Here’s just a taste:

■ Reminder and Tracking Apps: There are hundreds of thousands of smartphone apps available, many for free and others for just a buck or two, and lots are designed to simplify your life in some way, shape, or form. Thousands of apps help you track your progress as you work toward goals, while others send you reminders about just about anything. For example, apps like 30/30 help you set a time limit for any activity so you can balance your chill time with your getting-down-to-business time. For the health-conscious Doer, MyNetDiary tracks your meals and workouts, and even makes sure you drink enough water each day. There’s even an app that sends you reminders for when it’s time to water your plants (perfect for the student with no green thumb who volunteered to babysit the class plant over summer break). Whatever you’re looking to do, chances are, there’s an app for that.

■ Auto This and That: If your goal has multiple tasks that need to be repeated frequently, see if you can eliminate the amount of time you spend on them by using automated systems. For example, could setting up auto replies through your email account get you closer to your goal of cleaning out your email inbox by the end of winter break? Could a shopping cart widget on your website automatically handle orders and payments from the people who purchase your cool, homemade products?

■ Software and Websites: Software for your computer or tablet, along with specialty, service-based websites, has made it much simpler to do what used to take days or weeks to accomplish. Graphic design programs like Photoshop and Fireworks are ideal if you’re designing posters, T-shirts, websites, logos, and more. Book organization software like Scrivener takes the chaos out of novel writing. Rosetta Stone DVD language programs have made mastering another language a totally doable solo venture. Translations and conversions can be done in a nanosecond for free through Google or online conversion calculators. As you lay out all the little steps you need to take to accomplish your goal, ask yourself: are there existing sites, platforms, or programs that would speed up or simplify my process?

■ Free and Cheap Technology: Even if you don’t have your own computer, tablet, or smartphone, you can still access tech goodness by tapping into local services and organizations that provide free or low-cost hardware and software. For example, you can drop in at a local library to get online—all you need is a library card and you’re good to go. If you’re looking for specialized tech tools such as high-cost graphic design or animation programs, look for local organizations or community centers that offer training as well as access to expensive programs for free or for a low annual membership fee.

PRODUCTS AND SUPPLIES

Okay, I’ll fess up. I love me some office supplies. Set me loose in a Staples or OfficeMax and in no time my basket will be overflowing with funky-designed folders, a plethora of notebooks, multicolored pens, and neon Post-its. I’m not sure why I love office supplies so much, but I know part of it is that they make my life easier. Not only do my file folders, notebooks, and related office supplies help me get organized and create structure around my To Dos, but because I buy supplies with designs I love, the very act of using them becomes more enjoyable.

Of course, the specific products and supplies you might need for your To Dos will vary greatly depending on what it is you’re taking on. But here are just a few ideas for the kinds of things many goal getters use to help make their tasks more achievable:

■ Books: Are there any books out there that could help you plan, figure out, or execute your To Do? Check out your local bookstore, the school or public library, or Amazon.

■ Notebooks and Journals: Would dedicating a notebook to your goal help you be more organized in taking the steps you need to take?

■ Pens and Writing Implements: What kinds of writing instruments would support you in your project? Highlighters? Different colored pens or markers? Mechanical pencils?

■ Whiteboard: Would keeping track of your schedule or progress on a giant whiteboard mounted to your wall keep you motivated and on task?

■ Post-Its: Could you benefit from scribbling reminders, brain dumps, and daily To Dos on sticky notes and posting them on your bulletin board, desk, or bedroom wall?

Getting the Support You Need

So let’s take a step back. We’ve covered the Who (who to ask) and the What (what to ask for). But there’s still the How, as in, how should I ask for help? This is where many people get hung up, as the actual asking-for-help part can be difficult, especially for people who are super independent or like to do it all themselves.

Why is asking others for help so challenging to so many? There is a misguided notion floating around out there that asking for help is a sign of weakness … that it makes us vulnerable by letting others see that we can’t do everything on our own. Well, yes. It may make us vulnerable, but who says that’s a bad thing? Author and researcher Brené Brown has spent years discovering the key to living a “wholehearted life,” which she describes as a life in which one has a strong sense of love and belonging. Much to her surprise, she found that vulnerability is actually at the core of such a life. She says wholehearted living is “going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.” So by asking for help, we’re actually improving the quality of our lives.

The truth is, asking for help doesn’t make us weaker … it makes us stronger. We learn from our supporters, and that makes us more capable, more empowered, and more likely to reach our goals. There’s no way we can all be good at everything—even the most powerful people in the world have support teams to back them up and pick up the slack where and when they need it. So let’s just put the ridiculous idea that asking for help is a sign of weakness to rest once and for all, shall we?

When you do ask for help, whether you’re looking for moral support, advice and guidance, or hands-on manual labor, here are some guidelines for how to do so in a way that will yield the most positive results but also allow you to feel good about it, no matter how the person answers:

■ Be authentic: When you’re asking for help, let people know what’s really going on with you—why reaching your To Do is so important to you. Authenticity connects with people on an emotional level, and the emotional part of the brain is where all the decision-making processes are centered. So allow yourself to be vulnerable and authentic when you’re reaching out for help, and people who identify with what you’re trying to do will feel compelled to support you. For example, if you’re organizing a neighborhood art walk, let people know why you’re doing it—to get exposure as a painter and connect with other artists—and tell them how you feel about the goal—nervous about pulling it off, excited to follow your passion, or scared no one will show up. Let people in and they’ll be more likely to get behind you.

■ Be transparent: Let people know exactly what you’re asking of them and why you chose them. For example, if you’re targeting someone because of her connections, that’s okay … just be honest and up front about it. For example, for the neighborhood art walk, you might reach out to your mom’s colleague who is totally connected to the local art scene and ask her if you can drop her name when you’re talking to galleries about participation. When you’re transparent with your requests, people can respond knowing what they’re getting into, and you’ll know that if they say yes, it’s because they really want to.

■ Be bold: The best way to ask for something is to just ask. It’s not necessary to sugar coat, prep, include disclaimers, or come up with fancy ways to convey what would be most helpful. You know what you need—like the Nike ad says, just do it. Or in this case, just ask. Bold requests start with words like: “I need your help,” or “Can you do _____ for me?” For example, “Can you call five galleries and personally invite them to attend my art walk?”

■ Be creative: Sometimes the person you want to ask is a professional—for example, a graphic designer or a coach—who would typically be paid for this … which you may not have the money to do. If that’s the case, think creatively about how else you might be able to secure this person’s assistance. For example, you could offer to trade one of your original paintings in exchange for someone’s help setting up an art walk website.

■ Be okay if they say no: Placing expectations on others sets ourselves up for disappointment. Even if we think someone owes us or should help us when we ask, the great thing about being an individual is that we all get to decide what we want to do and how we want to feel about it. So part of that means being okay if others say no. When people decline to help you, try not to make it about you. (Watch for thoughts that sound like, She must not like me, or If he were my real friend, he would do anything for me, and so on.) People are dealing with their own stuff, and the decisions they make always reflect what’s going on in their own minds and worlds. It’s not about you.

■ Be grateful and respectful when people say yes: As you ask for help, people will undoubtedly step up to the plate to support you. Sometimes this help is exactly what you asked for, and other times it might not be what you originally had in mind but the helper’s intention is still to see you succeed. However people support you, be respectful of their time and make sure they know how much you appreciate their help. Assume they’re helping you because they care about you and want to see you thrive, and thank them with a handwritten note, a thoughtful email, or even a heartfelt personal thank-you.

YOUR SUPPORT PLAN: PART 2

Earlier in this chapter, you determined Who to approach for support and What exactly to ask for. Now it’s time to come up with a plan for How to ask for that support in a way that not only moves you toward your goal but also feels positive and stress-free. Take a few minutes to answer the following questions and come up with a plan that works for you.

1. Authenticity: Why is achieving this goal so important for you on a deep, cellular level? How can you share your personal motivation in a way that will connect with those you are turning to for help?

2. Transparency: What are your reasons for reaching out to the people on your list? What makes them your ideal supporters as you work toward this goal? How will you communicate this to the people you reach out to?

3. Boldness: What is the exact language you will use in making your request? What is your plan for asking for what you need without any disclaimers, excuses, or wordy buildups?

4. Creativity: If you need professional support, what creative ways can you come up with to secure this person’s help? Is there an opportunity for a trade or barter?

5. Ready for Anything: How will you respond if people say no? How will you respond if people say yes?

In her book The Gifts of Imperfection, Dr. Brené Brown quotes her friend, author Katherine Center: “You have to be brave with your life so that others can be brave with theirs.” So be brave. Ask for help. It’s not just good sense … it’s good all around. Good for those you ask, good for your goal, and good for you.

STEP 4 SUMMARY

In today’s world of complete and utter interconnectedness, one thing is for certain: we are not alone. This is good news for anyone tackling a To Do, and embracing this notion will take you far. You just have to be willing to ask for, and be open to, the different forms support might take. When you are, who knows just how easy your Doable task might become?

Step 1: Define Your To Do

Step 2: Detail the Little Tasks

Step 3: Defend against Obstacles

Step 4: Develop Support Systems By soliciting support in various forms—hands-on, emotional, technological, organizational—we are effectively harnessing the resources available to get all the energy around us moving in the same direction. And we want that direction to be one that greatly increases the chances that we will reach our goals. Here are a few tips for connecting with that energy and taking advantage of other forms of support:

■ Tap into the people around you who can play a role in helping you succeed. These include mentors, teachers, friends, coaches, parents, librarians, and tutors. Make a short-list of your go-to people so you are ready to reach out when the time comes.

■ Be specific about the kind of support you need. Make sure well-intentioned helpers know exactly what you need them to do, or you might end up running behind schedule or find yourself further from reaching your goal.

■ Find ways to build accountability into your support process. You could be accountable either to yourself or to someone or something else. Ask a friend to check in with you, report to an organization or club, or go public and rely on your social media community for accountability.

■ Explore and connect with organizations and clubs whose missions and purposes are in alignment with what you’re trying to do. Look for specialty organizations and nonprofits, virtual and otherwise, perfectly positioned to bring you closer to your goal.

■ Take advantage of existing technology and products that can efficiently move you closer to your goal. From free blogware, reminder apps, and goal-specific software to books and office supplies, opportunities abound.

■ Get comfortable asking for help and know that doing so is a sign of strength, not weakness. Be authentic (people who identify with what you’re trying to do will feel compelled to support you), be transparent (let people know what you’re asking and why you chose them), be bold (just ask), be creative (consider trades and barters), be okay if they say no (it’s about them, not you), and be grateful and respectful when people say yes (thank them).