The Power of Not Caring (2015)
Chapter 3: Why Do I Care?
It may not be possible to completely stop the constant worrying about what other people think or say about you, but there are ways to keep it within a healthy amount. Quit obsessing about other's opinions, or else you will find yourself lost in a negative cycle.
When caring hurts more than it helps you, it must stop. Steer yourself to the right direction, and turn your life around by following this advice.
You are not the center of the universe. Your loved ones may treat you like you are the most important person in the world, but not everyone shares the same opinion. Not everyone will take the time to scrutinize your personality and analyze your flaws. They probably have other and more important things to do than to be a judge in your life.
If you still do not believe it, you are encouraged to put it to the test. Try to make a change in yourself. It could be anything physical that is out of the ordinary. Now, check people's reactions. Your family, friends and other people you spend the most time with will probably notice the change, and are likely to share some comments too. However, it is very unlikely that a complete stranger will care.
When you start the pattern of over-thinking, stop yourself immediately. To counter attack the negative cycle, recognize the positive aspects of your life or your personality. This practice can at least help boost your damaged self-esteem.
Finding the right perspective.
Are you paying too much attention to the details and end up completely missing the big picture? That is exactly what you do when you care too much, and this makes life more stressful than enjoyable. Instead, try to put things in proper perspective.
Life is too short to spend time worrying about nonsense. You simply cannot have everything you want, and you definitely cannot have everyone's approval. Instead of focusing on what we don't have, we should be focusing on what we already have and be thankful for it, because gratitude is the real way to happiness.
You can also make a list of the things that you are thankful for. This list becomes tangible proof that things are in the right place. Also, it will show you that your life is not as bad after all. Appreciate all the things that life throws at you, because what matters the most is living your life with your own purpose, not other people's.
Quit second guessing yourself. While you do need to make sure that your decisions are well thought out, you also need to find a way to build your confidence. This will make you more comfortable about your decisions and actions.
When you feel too conscious about something, people can sense that. Take for instance, someone who is wearing something outrageous, like a hat too big for their head. People will probably turn their heads away. They may even giggle or whisper to one another. But if that person wearing a big hat does not seem to care, eventually the people around the person will stop caring too.
Everyone is insecure. And some people are just vultures waiting for someone who has much less self-confidence to take down. That is when you are more likely to be attacked. But if you have confidence they will sense it, and that can make you almost untouchable.
So how exactly do you build your confidence? Try smiling more often. As the saying goes, smile and the rest of the world will smile with you. Adopt a more positive outlook in life. Instead of anticipating failure, visualize your success. Finally, break down your life goals into smaller ones. Take one step at a time. And do not forget to celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small or minor they may seem to be.
Take control of your emotions.
Mixed emotions can put you through a roller coaster ride that will make you feel nauseous and overwhelmed. A simple solution for taking control is to separate yourself from the emotion. Recognize what you are feeling and observe it. The mere act of putting the emotion under observation can help separate you from it. That can also make the emotion fade into thin air.
Accept yourself for who you really are.
How can you expect to have other people's approval when you do not approve of yourself in the first place? To save yourself from the limbo of negative emotions, constant fear and worrying, you must first learn to accept yourself for who you are.
Make a list of all the things you do not like about yourself. Separate the things you can change and those you do not have control over. Change for the better, but do not even attempt to make impossible changes in yourself, as you will only end up more frustrated. You will soon realize that you have been worrying about unimportant things and it has been a complete waste of energy and time.
Enjoy your individuality.
You are unique, and you should celebrate your uniqueness. There is nothing more boring than being ordinary or being like everyone else. Sure, you may have some flaws, but these are all part of your individuality - so accept and celebrate it.
Imagine a worry-free life.
It may be a little more challenging to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you feel like your life is in a rut, but it may help to think the other way. Imagine what kind of life you will have if you are not constantly worrying about what others are thinking.
Imagine getting rid of the burden of your fear of rejection. You will find yourself free from expectations. Don't you want that kind of life? Imagine all the things you could do if you do not care too much about opinions and expectations. You could be unstoppable!
Other people worry as well.
The funny thing is that other people may have the same concerns as you do. They spend 90 percent of their time worrying about what they are doing or what they are wearing, and if other people think that they look ridiculous. That means they have less time to spend criticizing you. Now though, it is time you leave that boat and steer your own ship.
Do not allow other people to trample on you or take you for granted. Recognize your worth as an individual and do not let others treat you as less of a human being.
Surround yourself with positive people.
Negative people will drag you down no matter what. They suck your energy and motivation away. Avoid these kinds of people. If they are putting you through a great deal of stress, then it is a good sign to block them. Instead, surround yourself with positive energy. Be with positive people. The energy can be contagious.
Stop being submissive
Take pride on who you are as a human being. Do not follow others blindly. Question if you must. Stop being a pushover. Stand up for yourself. Show them you are not the type of person that can be pushed around and treated like an inferior human being.
There are many things you can probably change about yourself for the better, but do not change just because other people tell you to. When you start a change, make sure you are doing it for yourself, and not for other people.
Never be afraid of your own true colors. You are beautiful in your own way. You are absolutely good enough!
Taking back control over your life starts with making a conscious decision. You have to stop caring too much about other people's opinions. You do not have to be mean. You do not have to compromise your values and beliefs.
You can be yourself without being offensive. Try and stop caring about getting other people's approval and worrying about not fitting in. There is no one else like you and that is a blessing. Be yourself. This can be the best contribution to the world.