Getting in The Right State (2015)

Chapter 2 – What Affects Our States?

 

 

Endless factors keep you out of the right state. Mostly, all of these revolve around your environment and the people who are with you. Your loved ones, colleagues, and the random passersby you encounter? Their actions are what drive you towards the mentality you’re currently in. If they are, your sanity’s kept intact. On the other hand, when your mind’s laden with a variety of emotions, you are unable to think clearly to the point that when things work contrary to your expectations, you’re almost implying that it’s your doing.

 

  • At Home

 

When you’re just at home, it’s important that you’re in the right state. As the place is supposed to make you feel liberated in being who you are, you should recognize the little things that could hinder you in any way. Try not to let them get the best of you and cause you to act contrary to how you usually do. You may not have the choice when people in your surroundings affect you but the choice to react with a collected and rational head is yours.

 

SCENARIOS

THE CORRECT REACTION

YOUR REACTION

1.          Your sibling dismisses your attempts of initiating an argument.

You acknowledge the fact that she’s not in the mood to argue.

You think it’s you who’s being either unreasonable or disrespectful.

2.          You think you’re right as your little brother isn’t the elder between you.

You should consider viewing his opinions.

You insist you’re right.

3.         Your father ignores you so you think he’s angry.

To him, confide the fact that you find it strange that he isn’t talking to you.

You begin ignoring him.

4.         Your mother immediately pins the blame on you.

You propose your side of the story.

You sulk and hold it against your mom for a while.

 

 

 

5.          Your uncle suddenly changes the channel while you’re tuned in to your favorite show.

Politely ask him to change the channel back as you’re watching your favorite show.

You walk away.

 

Why Are Your Reactions Flawed?

 

  1. Keep in mind that in spite of not being handed the chance to initiate an argument, you’re not the one who’s at fault.
  2. As being older doesn’t make you inerrant, you should hear what your little brother has to say first. If he’s right, try to be level-headed and acknowledge it.
  3. As you’re not in the right state, you may think the simplest things that go differently than usual means you’ve done something wrong. For all you know, your dad may just be busy.
  4. Just because your mom says you’re wrong doesn’t mean you are. Based on previous events, she may have decided that the mistake was yours. With the current situation, however, she doesn’t so filling her in is a better approach.
  5. Your uncle may not be aware that the show that was on TV was your favorite. He may not even be anticipating a particular one that he had to change the channel on purpose. Rather than feel bad about the incident, talk to him.

 

  • During Your Free Time

 

Whether it’s something minor as embarrassingly humming the wrong words to a popular ballad, referring to your friend, John as Marcus, or losing almost $2500 as a result of providing the incorrect bank account number and other grand things, signs that you are committing avoidable mistakes mean that you’re not in the right state.  You’re not even put under any pressure yet you can’t think with a clear head.

 

 

SCENARIOS

THE CORRECT REACTION

YOUR REACTION

1.          A stranger cuts you in line.

You tell him off and insist that you’re ahead of him.

Though he’s wrong for doing so, you just let him stay in front of you.

2.          As you watch your favorite TV show, you can’t grasp what’s going on in an episode.

You replay the episode until the events are clear to you.

Despite not grasping what went on, you just proceed with the next episode. 

3.         During Saturday chess sessions, you’re in a losing streak.

You feel bad but are looking forward to another round.

You accept defeat, thinking that sometimes you things don’t go your way.

4.         The waitress delivers you the wrong order.

You complain and insist that you’ll be delivered the right food you ordered.

You just settle for the food given to you.

5.          While shopping for one, there’s no shirt that can fit.

You continue looking for a shirt that fits; the next time around, you’ll do it elsewhere.

You purchase a loose or a tight shirt anyway.

 

Why Are Your Reactions Flawed?

 

  1. If a stranger cuts you line, politely remind him that as it’s you who acquired the place, you deserve to check out your items before him. As you’re not supposed to waiver, wrong. Regardless of it being an isolated case, bothering to defend your stand is the better approach.
  2. Considering it’s your favorite TV show, you should be paying attention and while you’re at it, you’re supposed to enjoy. By proceeding to the next episode, it’s as if you’re anticipating the end; you’re simply watching how things turn out.
  3. Though it’s not wrong to lose graciously and be a good sport, there are things that can work in your favor. Regarding some matters, luck isn’t the lone element that comes into play; instead, outcomes depend on your strategies. In chess? It sure isn’t.
  4. Settling for what you’re given especially if you specified something else is somehow accepting the faulty order of things. As you paid for the service, you should be served the food you ordered.
  5. Mindlessly, you continue with the purchase. You might not even need a shirt that isn’t your exact size. Though you had a choice, you chose not to make it.

 

  • At Work

 

It’s best to be in the right state while at work. Not only do you have to deal with colleagues and superiors, you also deal with something that supports you on a daily basis. It’s better if you treat everybody the proper way – which you’ll only achieve if you’re in the right state.

 

 

SCENARIOS

THE CORRECT REACTION

YOUR REACTION

1.          Though you were employed as a typist, your superior makes you clean his office.

Politely, you should question him about it.

You got scared. You clean the office anyway.

2.          You overlook financial calculations.

You should modify your previous errors.

You proceed with your progress.

3.         Your coworker, who has been dinged for his tardiness, is once again late.

You should bring it to his attention and tell him that he should try being punctual from then on.

You just let it pass; after all, he’s the one who’ll be scolded, and not you.

4.         You failed in following a protocol.

You should go back and fix the mess you’ve made.

You cross your fingers hoping nobody notices.

5.          The instructions weren’t clearly relayed to you.

You should be humble and ask for assistance.

You assume and base steps according to what you find easiest.

 

Why Are Your Reactions Flawed?

 

  1. Your superior may be the one in authority but only if you’re in the right state will it dawn on you that assigning you to tasks unrelated to the job you signed up for shouldn’t be acceptable.
  2. As you know it’s wrong, you have to go back and correct your errors. Otherwise, the result will be wrong from then on.
  3. Regardless of him confiding reasonable points for his tardiness, remind him that what he’s doing could get him fired. By covering, it’s almost as if you’re passing on some encouragement.
  4. Despite the fact that it’s unlikely that anybody will notice, it’s still your duty to work with integrity. If you’re not in the right state, you tend to go for the easiest route to take.
  5. Assumptions often lead to avoidable mistakes. Though you may pose as a simpleton asking questions that seem to have obvious answers, have the courage to dare anyway.

 

  • Five Kinds of Personalities When You’re in the Right State

 

Being in the right state allows you to showcase the best of your personality. In turn, you also see the best in others. You tend to be more accommodating, collected, expressive, and open-minded. Hardly anything can get you riled up. Even if there are minor distractions around you, you’re not prone to giving in. As you are not consumed by heavy and negative emotions, you can focus on being as pleasant as you can.

 

  1. Convivial

 

When you’re a convivial person, you’re easily desirable. Due to your bubbly and cheery nature, random individuals won’t be disappointed upon approaching you. In times of gatherings, you’re not likely to be left behind as almost everybody won’t forget to send you invitations.

 

  1. Indefatigable

 

Another good thing about being in the right state is being almost indestructible. You recognize the fact that you have limitless potentials. After discovering that you excel in a feat, chances are you’d want to engage in more challenges.

 

  1. Magnanimous

 

With a clear head, you are more charitable, forgiving, and understanding, even if the other party is undeserving of your compassion. You’re willing to overlook previous misdoings by making it a point to always do more.

 

  1. Urbane

 

As you’re not focused on the bad side of things, you are well-mannered. You reciprocate the treatment of those who treat you right. In the case of you stumbling upon others, you gracefully tend to back away.

 

  1. Versatile

 

Apart from recognizing your capability of succeeding in multiple areas, you have no trouble believing that you are bold enough to accept even the most outrageous dares. Though you’ve already proven that you can participate in many fields, you remain optimistic for continuous learning.

 

 

  • What Happens When Your State Is Affected?

 

Have you ever observed that the manner you see the world is very much reliant on your mental state? Can you still recall how upsetting or even distancing everything around you can possibly be if you are not in the best mood, and how efficient you've become the last time when you were really drained of energy?

 

  • Mood Swings

 

When you aren’t in the right state, you’re troubled with mood swings. You suffer extreme bouts of emotional ups and downs and your perception of things tends to change rapidly. As you’re dealing with a heavy matter, you experience inconsistency with how you behave. While these can sometimes cause a positive impact on how events turn out, most of these mind swifts can be rather disruptive.

 

  • Basic Moods

 

Basic moods are what you normally feel on a day-to-day basis. It’s no longer surprising if you feel one of these moods. However it’s necessary to be able to control even these basic moods so that it’s easier for you to get into the right state.

 

  • Anger – the mood of being mad
  • Anticipation – the mood you’re in when looking forward to something
  • Disgust – the mood of reaction to unpleasantness
  • Fear – the mood of being afraid
  • Indignation – the mood you’re in when feeling you don’t deserve the unfair treatment
  • Joy – the mood you’re in when you’re happy
  • Pity – the mood you’re in upon feeling sorry for another
  • Sadness – the mood you’re in when things are going against your desires
  • Surprise – the mood you’re in when something unexpected happens
  • Trust – the mood you’re in when you feel confident about something

 

  • Social Interactions

 

As often it’s the people you stumble upon that affect your state, social interactions matter. Especially if they are around as you both were put in a similar situation, it’s up to you to get along with them. As they are the ones you’re currently with, they hold the influence on your actions. In the case of you dealing with heavy issues concerning them, you may have to get over the awkward feeling. If you are graceless with how you face them, chances are you’ll end up aloof having missed out on a load of possibly interesting moments with others.

 

Important Social Skills

 

  • Beginning a conversation

 

Being sociable means you are being open to the idea of meeting people, especially if you have something interesting to say to a random person. Don’t be afraid to be the initiating end. Ask for that person’s name and don’t forget to be amiable.

 

  • Effectively communicating feelings verbally

 

If, in a party, for instance, you’re feeling dehydrated, consider informing the host and maybe asking for a glass of water. Keeping your emotions locked up for fear of being demanding or of offending another is only counter-intuitive. Sooner or later, these feelings will be coming out. Instead of making the other end guess, try speaking up.

 

  • Listening carefully to what the other has to say

 

Don’t forget to pay attention to the person you’re talking to. Let your focus be on what he’s saying and not on what you’ll be saying next. While at it, note that there are perspectives other than your own. By respecting different viewpoints, you are learning to blend with people.

 

  • Understanding the difference between what is right and what is wrong

 

If an opinion was shared to you, regardless of the opinion-holder being dear to you, you should know better than to recognize it as the correct approach. Though the goal is to be likeable and meet a friend, leading another to the misconception of you believing in him is a different story.

 

Yes, you can always work alone, but it’s also good to be able to interact with other people. Some may not be too keen on making the first move with regard to socialization, so you might as well take the leap.

 

  • According to Evolutionary Psychologists

 

Psychologists acknowledge the importance of evolutionary psychology in achieving the right state. As defined, the field is a scientific approach that examines a roster of characteristics including language, memory, and perspective. It plays a role in how you interact with others. You react and treat people based on the information you’ve already gathered along with how you were raised to interact.

 

  • Random Fact: The Tragic Story of Sylvia Plath

 

Do you know who Sylvia Plath is? She was an American short story writer, poet, and novelist famous for her literary masterpieces that includes Ariel, The Bell Jar, and Winter Trees. This famous writer was known to have an affected state.

 

What caused her affected state? It was reported that she was severely depressed and was unhappy in her marriage. As she refused to seek clinical help, her mental health deteriorated.

 

Her end game? She was found to have died of carbon monoxide poisoning with her head in an oven.