The Bingo Theory: A revolutionary guide to love, life, and relationships - Mimi Ikonn (2016)

Part II. The Four Types

Chapter 5. FEMININE STRENGTH MALE

THE FEMININE STRENGTH MALE is one of my favorite kind of people - I even married one! Fun, creative, romantic, stylish—they are great guys to spend time with. But what’s behind the cool outfits and easy smile? Let me tell you about my dear friend Chris…

Chris is a graphic designer and works for a small company. He likes his job but it’s not what he wants to do forever. In fact, he has a couple of business ideas - they just haven’t gotten off the ground yet. For now, the job helps him earn enough money to pay the bills.

Chris is popular at work. Everybody loves him. He’s funny, sweet and lighthearted. He’s the one to cheer people up when they’re stressed. He sends them silly emails or draws them little pictures. He makes them tea. All the women in the office love him - and he loves them. They joke that he’s one of the girls and he’s fine with that.

Even as a kid, Chris was very relaxed with women. He was very close to his mother and his two sisters—and was scared of his bullying, aggressive father. In fact, he decided early on in life that he was going to be nothing like his father.

At school Chris was never one of the jocks who was into girls and ran around the football field. His guy friends never understood how he was so comfortable with girls—but none of them were his girlfriend. “Are you gay?” they’d tease. He wasn’t. Not at all. He just liked female company and didn’t see what the big deal was.

For a while Chris tried to be more like the other guys. He started smoking and drinking. He even got into weight lifting to feel more manly. He’s naturally very slender but he tried to bulk up because that’s what girls seemed to like. He drank protein shakes non-stop.

Now he’s given up on all that. He accepted who he is and now gets by on his wicked sense of humor and great style. And he really does have great style. He knows the pale blue sweaters bring out the color of his eyes. And he’s living testimony to the fact the modern men moisturize. He also has no problem having a cocktail or a glass of wine—beer never really did it for him.

Despite the fact that Chris has so much going for him—he has moments when he’s quite insecure. He doubts himself and he over-thinks things. He can feel down and overwhelmed. His biggest struggle is that he doesn’t know what he wants out of life. It feels like there are so many paths he could go down and he doesn’t know which one to pick. He finds it hard to stick to things and to follow through. He has lots of great ideas but rarely makes any of them happen. His father always said he was a starter, not a finisher—and he was right.

Chris is single at the moment but he’s usually in a relationship. He broke up with his last girlfriend (of four years) about a year ago and hasn’t dated anyone since. He finds it hard to make the first move and usually ends up in the friend zone.

Today’s world is more embracing of Feminine Strength Males than it used to be. These days it’s acceptable for guys to take care of their appearance and to enjoy the finer things in life. That said, there are challenges.

A lot of Feminine Strength Males have a tough childhood. They’re accused of being gay and get teased for being sensitive; for not living up to the stereotype of the Real Man. Their natural sensitivity and creativity is stamped out of them. This is heartbreaking because the Feminine Strength Male has many amazing qualities.

Here are some of his traits:

Charming

As we can see with Chris, the Feminine Strength Male is typically charming. He walks into a room and makes it come alive. Like the Feminine Strength Female, he finds it easy to talk to people and to get them to open up. He loves to communicate and can talk for hours. He’s also playful and fun—although because he’s shy it may take a bit of time to see this side of him. Unlike the Masculine Strength Male, the Feminine Strength Male has no desire to dominate situations.

Caring

The Feminine Strength Male is thoughtful, considerate, caring and gentle. He’s patient and a natural peacemaker. He has an innate ability to be empathetic for what other people are going through. He’s happy to open up and be honest about his problems and emotions. He’s prepared to be vulnerable and he shows affection openly.

Stylish

The Feminine Strength Male is usually image-conscious. He loves dressing up and takes care of his appearance. He is the kind of guy that plans his outfit before he goes out. There’s a good chance his socks match his sweater or his shoes have been handmade in a little place he knows. In other words, he is the classic metrosexual guy. His home is full of cool touches, such as retro film posters, great art, and even the occasional scented candle.

Cultured

The Feminine Strength Male like the arts, film and music. He’s often a big reader-not of the sports pages, but of literature and poetry. He’s intelligent, considerate and appreciates beauty in all its forms. He likes the finer things in life. He would rather sip on one beautiful glass of wine than neck down bottles of beer. He’s likely to be a foodie.

Slender

Testosterone causes the jaw and eyebrow ridges to become prominent, it also causes a more muscular frame and broad shoulders. It’s possible the Feminine Strength Male does not have such high levels of testosterone as the Masculine Strength Male, which may lead to finer features such as a rounder jaw and slim wrists. He might be on the slender side—although diet and exercise patterns will obviously influence that.

Impeccable Hygiene

The Feminine Strength Male is better scrubbed up than the average Joe. He is the kind of guy who has expensive bath oil and is living proof that real men exfoliate. He might even make an occasional trip to a spa. As for his hair, he won’t just walk into any barber-shop. He will go to the trendiest hair salon his wallet can afford because he doesn't want just any barber fooling around with his hair. If there’s a bit of head massage offered as part of the experience, so much the better.

Likes Female Company

The Feminine Strength Male loves female company - both for friendship and romance. He tends to be drawn to stronger women, though; ones who know what they want and take charge. He loves it when other people take control.

Creative

Creativity is where the Feminine Strength Male shines. He has great ideas, a strong design eye, and an intuitive sense of what people want. This makes him very good at predicting trends. He’s an idea machine, with his finger on the pulse.

Disorganized

The main problem is that the Feminine Strength Male finds it hard to actually carry out his great ideas. It’s a struggle for him to plan and to make decisions. He gets overwhelmed by options and doesn’t know which way to go. When he starts something, he often loses interest half way through - something else catches his attention. He’s a starter, not a finisher.

Insecure

A lot of the Feminine Strength Male’s difficulties stem from his insecurity. He doubts himself in a way his Masculine Strength friends don’t. He doesn’t have confidence that what he does will succeed.

Talks Big

To disguise his self-doubt, the Feminine Strength Male may carry on with a lot of big talk. He draws everyone in with his exciting ideas, but the more he talks, the less likely he is to actually do anything. In extreme cases he can be quite delusional: To meet him you might think he is a multi-millionaire investor, when actually, he only has a couple of shares in his friend’s company.

Needy

Deep down the Feminine Strength Male seeks approval. Instead of building himself up, he looks to others to do it. He can easily fall into victim-mode. Like the Feminine Strength Female, he may be prone to ups and downs.

Friend Zoned

The Feminine Strength Male’s lack of confidence can be a big issue when it comes to dating. He has an extremely hard time making the first move. He’s scared of rejection and of the embarrassing moment when he puts himself on the line. He talks himself out of it - telling himself that the woman he likes is out of his league. Instead he becomes her friend and they hang out. She’s blissfully unaware that he is romantically interested. After all, if he liked her, surely he’d have asked her out by now? Right?

Can You Relate?

Do you share some of Chris’s strengths and struggles? Are you a stylish guy with a load of friends? Are you busting with ideas but find it hard to follow through? Do you doubt yourself?

You may be reading this as a Feminine Strength Male and think “Slow down! I have a successful business. I know how to execute a plan and make things happen.” That’s great.

A lot of very successful entrepreneurs are Feminine Strength Males. They have the ideas, the charm and the intuition needed to make their business a success.

However, if you look at the Feminine Strength people who are successful, you will usually find that they work with a Masculine Strength business partner, manager or producer. They team up with someone who keeps them on track and on-budget; someone who keeps their feet on the ground. Is this the case with you?

Remember also that not all Feminine Strength Males are the same. There is a spectrum of femininity - just as there is a spectrum of masculinity. You might fall on the extreme end, as Chris does, or you might be more balanced.

As I have said before, it’s important to understand that we all have both masculine and feminine energy in us. You don’t have one or the other energy - you have both. It’s just that most people have one of these energies more developed - whether through nature or conditioning. I will keep repeating this point throughout the book because it’s very important to understand.

The purpose of this book is to balance your masculine and feminine energies so that you can draw on both energies equally in order to lead a full, healthy and balanced life.