BALANCE: THE FEMININE STRENGTH MALE AND MASCULINE STRENGTH FEMALE - Balance Existing Relationships - The Bingo Theory - Mimi Ikonn

The Bingo Theory: A revolutionary guide to love, life, and relationships - Mimi Ikonn (2016)

Part VI. Balance Existing Relationships


THIS BRINGS ME to another kind of relationship, one that is increasingly common in today’s world, and one that I am in with my husband, Alex - a Masculine Strength Female and a Feminine Strength Male.

Later I will share more about my relationship but at this point I’d like to tell you about Gemma and Simon.

Gemma was attracted to Simon the first time she saw him. She was at a friend’s birthday party and he was in the kitchen making drinks. He was tall, good-looking and well-dressed. He was smiling and talking to everyone. He was confident and seemed fun. Gemma went straight up to him. “So are you going to make me a cocktail then?” she asked him.

Her friends laughed at how obvious she was, but Gemma always went after what she wanted. She was pretty and confident; she didn’t see the point in messing around. For the rest of the party, she didn’t leave his side. She thought they had fun but she was annoyed that he didn’t make a move at the end of the night. Didn’t he like her?

The next day she called up the birthday girl and asked her friend to pass on her number. He called a week later and they went out to a hip bar where Simon seemed to know everybody. It turned out that Simon was a part-time DJ there. In Gemma’s mind he was getting cooler by the minute.

They danced all night and he made her laugh. They had fun.

Five years and two children later they are still having fun, but Gemma sometimes wonders if fun is enough.

Soon after she began dating Simon, she realized that he didn’t earn a lot of money. Gemma had spent her twenties working ferociously hard at a marketing company. Simon, on the other hand, spent those years working in bars and travelling. Gemma saved hard and was able to buy her first property when she was 25. Simon had never owned his own place. When they first met, that didn’t matter. She loved how fun and free-spirited he was. He made her lighten up and do things she’d never do—but now that they had a family, the financial pressures were showing.

Simon made a huge effort to become financially responsible once they got together. He quit the DJ gig and worked at the bar full-time. He made his way up to manager and then became the manager of a chain of bars. With both their salaries they earned a good living, but for Gemma it wasn’t enough. She wished he was more successful. She was fed up of being the main earner. Simon didn’t understand why she wasn’t happy with what they had. In his eyes it was already more than most.

Now Simon wants to start his own bar, but Gemma tells him they can’t take the risk financially. Simon knows there’s a risk, but he feels sure that if she would help him they could do it. He wishes Gemma would have more faith in him. He finds it demoralizing when he tries to be more of the man she wants him to be, and yet she continues to put him down. She doesn’t even seem to want him to touch her any more. It’s not that he wants sex all the time, but he feels rejected when she always says no. Worse than that, he feels emasculated.

Gemma doesn’t mean to make Simon feel this way. It’s just hard to muster up the energy and desire for sex when she’s juggling a big job, a house and two kids. When they do have sex, she just wants to get the job done—to have an orgasm and move on. She loves Simon. She loves how kind, sweet and patient he is with the kids. She loves how he cooks her dinners and always buys her imaginative presents and leaves her little notes. She loves that he’s happy to change diapers and get up in the night. But sometimes she gets resentful of him. She wishes he was more of a provider; she wishes she didn’t always have to be the boss.

Gemma and Simon’s relationship is increasingly common these days - it’s often referred to as the relationship between an Alpha female and a Beta male.

Historically, men were the breadwinners and women suppressed their ambitions to support their man in his career. That’s no longer the case. Today, Masculine Strength Women can use their natural confidence, assertiveness and ambition to excel in every area of life. Meanwhile, Feminine Strength Men are allowed to embrace their natural gifts, such as their kindness, creativity, and ability to communicate.

It sounds like the perfect, modern, union. And in lots of ways it is.

Gemma and Simon have so much going for them. She brings the masculine drive and ambition. He brings the feminine fun and lightness. He’s a wonderful, hands-on father who makes her stop and relax when she’s doing too much.

But there are challenges too.

At first, Gemma loved that Simon was fun and spontaneous, but she’s come to disrespect him for his lack of ambition. Likewise, easy-going Simon was turned on by Gemma’s energy and drive when they met but he has come to feel disempowered by it after five years together.

To make this union work, they need to meet in the middle. They each need to balance their masculine and feminine energies.

Until Gemma learns to embrace her own free-spirited feminine energy, she will resent that energy in Simon. Until Simon learns to take charge and stand up for himself by using his masculine energy, he is going to resent Gemma’s strength.

Gemma says she wants Simon to take charge but the truth is that she doesn’t let him. He’s already stepped up by working harder and becoming more successful, but now that he wants to take the next step and open his own business she doesn’t trust him enough to help him do it.

Her masculine energy makes her cynical and judgmental. She says she wants someone else to take control but she holds on tight to the reigns. She still wants to be the one in charge. She doesn’t trust him to be the leader. And how does that make Simon feel? It makes him feel like a child. A lot of Feminine Strength Males feel this way because their partner does not allow them to be the boss at least sometimes.

The best thing for Gemma to do right now is to encourage Simon. He just wants to hear that she believes in him—then he can fly.

When Gemma encourages Simon, she uses her masculine strength—because she’s being his rock—but she also uses her feminine energy of caring, trusting and encouraging. She needs to be softer, kinder and more accepting. When she becomes more feminine, he will have no choice but to step up his game and take the next step.

But Gemma must remember something else. She needs to hold on to the reason she fell in love with Simon in the first place. She loved his playfulness, his joy, his sweet and loving character. If Gemma married someone as driven as her, would they ever see the children? Would they ever have the same amount of fun?

Gemma has to remember that life is about much more than money and success. It’s about love and family and enjoying the small moments.

Simon also needs to step up to the plate. He needs to take responsibility for his end of the finances. He needs to learn how to bring his dreams to life instead of living in a dream world. In other words, he needs to embrace his masculine energy. And the more he does this, the less Gemma will feel like she’s with a boy and therefore treat him that way.

How to Balance This Relationship


There’s a good chance that the Masculine Strength Female will be the main breadwinner in the relationship. This is not something to be ashamed of or to apologize for. Take pride in your success and in your ability to contribute to the family’s well-being. The Feminine Strength Male also needs to own his strengths. You bring warmth and fun to the relationship. You work but you’re not a workaholic. You support your partner in her goals. You’re secure enough in yourself to not be threatened by her strength. You’re a wonderful, present parent.


If both partners stay set in their masculine and feminine roles, there’s a good chance that they will resent each other further down the line. The Masculine Strength Female has to learn to relax, trust and have faith in her partner. She has to learn to let go of control—at least some of the time—otherwise she will emasculate him. Likewise, the Feminine Strength Male has to take charge on occasion by using his masculine energy. He can’t be afraid to push back when she’s controlling. He needs to speak up and stand up for himself in this relationship, otherwise his Masculine Strength Female will slowly lose respect for him.


If you’re a Masculine Strength Female and you’re the main breadwinner, do not be afraid to ask your partner to take on a greater share of childcare or housework. Many women have tried to do it all and then became resentful. That doesn’t help anybody. And the chances are that your partner will love being more involved at home. It’s playing to his strengths and he will gain power from feeling useful and important.


Money can end up being a big issue in this partnership. As difficult as it is, you need to discuss finances honestly. Both sides need to say what they can provide and what they expect. The masculine energy often wants more money, status, and property while the feminine energy is happy with less. What kind of compromise can you come to?


A lot of Masculine Strength Females have big jobs and are in control of every aspect of their lives; the bedroom can be a good place to let go of that role. If the Feminine Strength Male can take the lead when it comes to sex, it will bring out his masculine energy and her feminine energy. Also, wearing some sexy lingerie will help the Masculine Strength Female bring out her feminine energy. Believe me, your Feminine Strength Male will appreciate it, as he is highly aesthetic.


Many Masculine Strength Females see sex as a means to and end; they want to have the orgasm and skip foreplay. This is the exact opposite of how the Feminine Strength Male approaches sex. He wants to take it slow and make love. The Masculine Strength Female needs to slow down and embrace the intimacy and sensuality of foreplay. Try introducing massages, stroking and kissing before you have sex. And before you make any excuses, yes, you do have time.


Masculine Strength Females and Feminine Strength Males make wonderful partners, but they don’t fit into the traditional model of a relationship. Some people will wonder why—as a bright and successful woman—you don’t find someone as successful as you. They don’t see that your partner provides emotional and practical support that allows you to be yourself. The Feminine Strength Male is emotionally open, respectful and nurturing. Far from being someone you settle for, he’s a catch—and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.