The Bingo Theory: A revolutionary guide to love, life, and relationships - Mimi Ikonn (2016)
Part V. Bingo Dating
Chapter 14. DATING TIPS FOR THE MASCULINE STRENGTH FEMALE
REMEMBER CHLOE, the lawyer who was passed up for a promotion and used it as an opportunity to get work-life balance? Well, her life changed in every single way the day she decided to take some time off work. It started with her love life.
While Chloe worked the crazy hours on her mission to become a partner, she also tried to date. Not surprisingly it did not go well. She terrified most men she met, telling more than a couple of them to “just get to the point” with their stories.
One guy joked that he felt like he was on a job interview. Another one accused her of being a “ball-breaker.”
She thought men were intimidated by her success and intelligence but she was damned if she was going to play down her achievements.
She looked for her Alpha male match - someone with his own place, a good job, and a good body - but these guys didn’t seem interested in her. The way she saw it, they just wanted a bimbo.
She went out with a couple of sweet guys she met online, although she was more successful than they were career-wise. She liked talking to them but they didn’t have the guts to make the moves, and that annoyed her. Did she have to do everything?
She went out with one guy three times and he was sweet but he still didn’t have the courage to kiss her. In the end she got fed up of waiting. She texted him to say it wasn’t working. He texted back to say that he was really disappointed, but what did he expect? He missed his chance.
When she got passed up for the partnership at the firm, Chloe reassessed everything.
She took a three-month long sabbatical and went to Asia.
For twelve perfect weeks she lived in a sarong, laid in hammocks and hung out with the kind of people she would not have met in her normal life. She had a lot of time to think - which wasn’t always fun. She could see how out of control she had become - no wonder men were terrified of her.
About two weeks before she was due to go home, she met Jed, a landscape architect. They were worlds apart. He spent all his time in nature; she spent all her time in an office. He wanted nothing more than a simple life; she… well, she didn’t even know what she wanted anymore.
One night they ended up on the beach, just the two of them. He asked her about her life back home and she told him everything. He didn’t seem put off by her success, he seemed impressed. “I can see why you need some time off though,” he said, “It sounds like you push yourself too hard! ” She felt herself soften every minute she was with him. It was like she could finally relax. She could breathe.
She kept waiting for him to kiss her but when he didn’t, she thought “to hell with it,” leaned in and kissed him first. He looked surprised but when she pulled away, he pulled her back in.
The next morning he left flowers he’d picked on the pillow next to her, along with a note that said - “Shall we watch the sun set tonight?” It was the most romantic thing she’d ever experienced.
For years, Chloe looked for a man who was even more driven and successful than she was. She looked for someone more Alpha than her, but this never worked out well.
Those guys - Masculine Strength Males - were not that into her. They didn’t want competition; they wanted someone to care for them, someone to have fun with—in other words, they wanted someone with a lot of feminine energy, which Chloe was not showing—at all.
Chloe was treating dates like business meetings. She was basically saying, “Here’s what I bring to the table, what about you?” There was no room for spontaneity or romance. She’d ditch guys before she ever got a chance to know them properly.
The right match for her is a Feminine Strength Male but she dismissed them because most of the ones she met weren’t financially successful or confident enough. But there is more to life than financial success. And just because the Feminine Strength Guys are slower in making the moves, doesn’t mean they don’t feel passion.
Chloe was used to doing everything on a timetable but love doesn’t work like that. The Feminine Strength Males like to move slowly; they are not in a rush—especially for sex.
Taking time off work changed everything for Chloe. For the first time in years, she relaxed. She let go of her masculine need to control and push. She gave up and allowed her feminine energy to take over—which meant she surrendered her control and went with the flow,
It was then that she met someone that she didn’t expect to meet. He was gentle, romantic and not materially successful in the way that she was. Because she was on holiday, the relationship had time to blossom. She used her feminine energy to be open-minded and vulnerable with him. She also used her masculine energy to make the first move.
Some women, even Masculine Strength Women, think that the man has to be in charge—but he doesn’t. A Feminine Strength Male will love it when you take control; that really turns him on.
You don’t have to ask him out, or kiss him, but you have to make it really clear you’re interested in him before the Feminine Strength Male will gather the confidence to go for it.
Once you make the first move he can take it from there. Notice that Jed left flowers for her the next day and arranged their next date. And when you date a balanced Feminine Strength Male, he won’t be intimidated by your success. He’ll love it. Masculine Strength Men would see your success as competition, and very insecure Feminine Strength Males might be intimidated. But a guy who is balanced will be proud of his intelligent, feisty, successful girlfriend. He’ll love to support you and feel excited to be around your energy.
Chloe’s biggest challenge was to accept his love and tenderness—to be vulnerable and open. It was terrifying but exciting.
Can you relate?
Do you want to sort out your love life in the quick and efficient way you do the rest of your life? Have you been accused of intimidating men? Are you looking for your Alpha match? You might think that you want someone just like you, but I warn you that this might not be the best route. It’ll result in a clash of egos and a constant power struggle.
Your Bingo Partner
You need a balanced Feminine Strength Male who is gentle, supportive and loving. Someone who offers you things that money can’t. Someone who will find your confidence a turn on—not a threat.
How To Get It
Masculine Strength Females like quick, logical solutions to solve their problems. They want to find the right guy right now, and we get frustrated when it’s not happening. They like to be in control. But when it comes to love, there are no shortcuts. You have to be patient, open and trusting. As they say, love works in mysterious ways. But in order to experience the mystery you have to let go of the idea that you can control everything. This is a challenge, I know.
Masculine Strength Females book their planner up with a different date every night in their quest to find love. They tell themselves it’s a numbers game. That’s true, to a point, but guys will sense your impatience and the fact that you’re just trying to fill a vacancy. This is not a turn-on.
Dress up, do your make-up and hair and get your nails done. You might think that dressing up is a waste of time but it makes a difference in the way you feel about yourself and in the way men respond to you - especially Feminine Strength Males, who are very aesthetic.
MAKE THE FIRST MOVE
Don’t be afraid to make the first move. Most Feminine Strength Males lack confidence to approach women first, and will love you for taking charge. If you’re in a bar, be the one to strike up conversation. You could compliment a guy on his shirt or ask him what he’s drinking. Once you get to know him, you can either be brave and ask him out or drop heavy hints. You can say something like, “Hey, did you hear this movie is playing in theatres? I really want to go see it,” and let him take it from there. I asked my husband Alex out on our first date. I recently asked him if he thought he would have ever asked me out if I hadn’t made that first step and he said “Most likely not.” Years of joy, fun, love and growth wouldn’t have happened if I had not have taken the lead - so be bold. You don’t know what it could lead to.
As a Masculine Strength Female you can play the online dating game well because you don’t over think or take everything personally. It’s also much more common for women to take the lead in initiating conversations online, so it’s a good way for you to play to your strengths.
GIVE MEN A CHANCE
Don’t discount a potential mate too quickly just because you didn’t like what he said, wore or did on a date. Your masculine energy can make you quick to judge but that’s only fear. It’s easier to decide someone isn’t right or good enough than it is to take a risk. And don’t knock a guy just because he doesn’t have your level of career success. Balanced Feminine Strength Men are not wimpy failures—far from it. He will offer you things that are more important than money, like emotional support, intimacy, tenderness and fun, to name a few.
DON’T HIDE YOUR SUCCESS
Masculine Strength Males will feel the need to compete with your success, but Feminine Strength Males will see your confidence and achievements as a huge turn-on. There is nothing more exciting to them than a powerful woman. So don’t hide your success on a date. But don’t flaunt it either. Love is not a competition in which you need to come out on top.
LET GO OF CONTROL IN BED
Masculine Strength Females can treat sex the way they do every other area of life - with ruthless efficiency. They can jump into bed with a guy and tell them exactly what they want, how they want it and to hurry on. While communication and knowing what you want is great, sometimes it doesn’t leave room for softness and romance. You can take the dominant position in bed sometimes, but take it slow initially. Allow your feminine energy partner to show you tenderness and remember that a lot of the masculine need to stay in control comes from fear.
The hardest thing for the Masculine Strength Females is to open up to other people, express their feelings and allow a relationship to develop. They’re terrified of being vulnerable. It’s scary to get out of your comfort zone but there’s no way around it.
DON’T BE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE
You might say, “I’m not afraid to fall in love.” But when it happens, the logical mind will most likely want to protect you and make you run away. Falling in love is a very feminine experience and that’s why it’s so scary for Masculine Strength Males and Females. You have to let go of the mind and let your heart take over. Nobody falls in love logically.
KEEP USING YOUR FEMININE ENERGY
Even when you’re in a happy, healthy relationship, continue to nurture and balance both your masculine and feminine energies. Remember that nobody else can make you whole; you need to do that yourself. When you first meet the right guy it will be tempting to give up working on yourself. You’ll think that he’s the answer to all your problems. He’s not. It’s important that you keep working on yourself in order to have a happy relationship and a happy life.