Spiritual Alchemy: Scrying, Spirit Communication, and Alchemical Wisdom - Jenny Tyson 2016

The Year of Training
My Training and Initiation

From June 2013 to May 2014 I trained with the spirits Edward Kelley and David Blackburne. (David was a friend of Edward’s and had past- life connections with me. In life, David was an alchemist and employee at Oxford University in England.) This training was a preparation for the initiation described in the next chapter and involved learning meditation and trance techniques. I had to work to overcome mental and spiritual blockages to my spiritual abilities. I also learned how to scry using a mirror, and we worked on other mediumship skills such as automatic writing and psychometry. I will describe the scrying sessions, as this was covered in some depth and practiced to a moderate proficiency during my first year.

During the initial month or two of instruction, Edward would start the new lessons and introduce new concepts to me. I would then practice with David until the lesson was thoroughly learned. The training would take anywhere from an hour to two hours, six to seven days a week. The intensity of the sessions increased gradually as the year progressed. As my training continued through the spring, the sessions also involved being awakened at night to take advantage of my very relaxed state at that time.

I continued to use the jukebox until December 2013. At that point I was able to intuitively sense what my teacher wanted even if I could not directly hear him. David insisted on dropping the use of the equipment at this time to help me develop my intuition. The jukebox was phased out over the space of two weeks to allow my confidence in my intuition to build. Discontinuing the use of the jukebox allowed me to focus more on the training rather than the process of hearing and understanding what Edward and David were saying. In April 2014 I developed clairaudience, which enabled me to hear David and Edward directly.

The months of July and August of 2013 were the most difficult. My emotional and spiritual healing initially caused imbalances that set off episodes of depression and fear that would last about twenty-four hours. Edward would try to get me to rest for a couple days after the healing sessions. He was not always successful. I was very motivated and keen on learning as much as I could.

THOUGHT FORMS

One of the most important lessons that I had to learn over the course of training involved learning the difference between thought forms and spirits who were communicating and interacting with me. Thought forms or shadows are spirits that are generated by the mind and heart of a person. All people generate these shadows. The shadows can appear nearly identical to any spirit with whom a person can interact. They are formed by the presence of ideas or beliefs in a person’s mind. They can be created intentionally. In the art of spirit evocation there is an entire specialty devoted to the generation and use of these shadows. They are most often created unintentionally, even without awareness or belief in their existence.

My knowledge of shadows prior to training with Edward and David came from Alexandra David-Neel’s account of tulpa making in Tibet in her book Magic and Mystery in Tibet (1929) and Donald’s book Familiar Spirits (2004). Many of the beliefs that I held that were influenced by these two books had to be changed. The education I received from Edward and David gave me a greater understanding of this phenomenon as well as of the world of spirits in general. During the initial year of training I did not have a good understanding of the shadows that are around us at all times. I was not aware that we constantly create and destroy them.

As a result of the year of training leading up to initiation, I came to realize that many of the stories I had heard about spirit and ghost encounters were probably shadows generated by mediums who were unaware of their abilities. The generation of thought forms by these mediums is done unconsciously. Ghost hunting in a cemetery is an example of an activity that often leads to shadow generation. Shadows can manifest physically through the medium and register on equipment used by ghost hunters. This shows how powerful these shadows can be. In these situations the haunting is done by the mind and heart of the medium who is involved in the investigation.

Understanding the phenomenon of shadow generation was important to me as a student during the initiatory year, and it is important to any practicing medium who is passing on messages from the other side. The accuracy of the message depends on the medium’s ability to discern and filter out the shadows from the intended communication. One of my primary goals in relating this journey of discovery is to help the reader gain an understanding of the phenomenon of shadow generation—its effect on the medium and its influence on messages received by the medium. Knowledge is the first step in discernment and receiving accurate messages from a spirit.

This chapter contains excerpts from my daily logbook. The log entries started in July, a couple weeks after I began working with Edward and Dr. Dee. When I realized how much I was learning from them, I began keeping a record of the communications.

The log describes the difficulties I encountered over the course of the year and how these obstacles were overcome. I believe that understanding some of the difficulties I went through can help you in your journey. I hope this will enable you to avoid some of the pitfalls that I ran into during my initial year. The log entries are focused on the first two months of training. After September 2013, when my heart had been healed, David Blackburne took over my daily training sessions. The log entries at that point were kept only sporadically. The lessons I worked on with David were gradual extensions of the concepts taught over the summer of 2013.

The primary concepts taught over this time involved meditation and trance as well as learning about the shadows. I also learned about the nature of the spiritual world, which was now the home of David and Edward.

PREPARATION FOR THE TRAINING

One of the first things I had to do when I started working with Dr. Dee was to change my diet. The diet was designed to improve my physical health. This pre-initiation diet was less detailed than my post-initiation diet. Some of the items added or taken away from my food intake aided in weight loss and improved my mood. I had issues with depression at the start of the year-long training regimen. The second goal of the diet was to remove harmful substances from my body. Dr. Dee said to me, “We want you to have a healthy body as well as a healthy spirit.” The food also had a medicinal effect on my spiritual heart. It was used, along with the exercises I was taught, to facilitate the healing I needed.

The dietary restrictions were channeled to me by Annael, an angel, as well as Dr. Dee. This was done during the first week after I agreed to their mentorship. The restrictions were not a condition to having the mentorship but were recommended in order to aid the spiritual work being done. My agreement to follow these recommendations was voluntary.

I had to give up coffee, alcohol, and pork altogether. I was fond of frozen berries when fresh berries were out of season, but Dr. Dee discouraged eating frozen blueberries. He encouraged me to eat melons. I did not like the taste of melons at first, but I gradually developed a liking for them and now enjoy them and look forward to having them on the table. Coffee was the most difficult thing to give up. Tea, although it was discouraged, was still allowed. I was encouraged to drink more water.

My diet otherwise consisted mostly of fruits, vegetables, and red meat. Eggs did not agree with me during the early stages of training. Dr. Dee recommended that I eat fruit for breakfast. I avoided all grains, processed and unprocessed, and legumes as well. The gas these two foods produced made working very uncomfortable. It is difficult to hold a trance properly when distracted by intestinal gas. He also encouraged me to exercise regularly.

This training differs from a self-training and self-initiation process. In self-initiation the initiation is sought without the aid of a teacher. The belief that the higher self is leading the initiation is what lends legitimacy to this method. It often follows an initiatory path that is written out, and the expectations and beliefs of that path are consistent.

In contrast, during the preparation I went through I had to follow directions. I did not always understand the rationale for the instructions I was given. Communication was cumbersome and difficult in the beginning of the training. I had to blindly trust that Dr. Dee and the others I was working with were trying to help me. I was not even sure at the beginning of my training what goal we were seeking to attain.

The initially obscure directions eventually became clear. I understand now why these dietary directions, as well as other recommendations, were in place during the year of training.

As an example, Edward wanted me to discontinue drinking tea so that my body would be completely decaffeinated before I began my energy work. I refused to comply with this recommendation and was very sorry later on that I had not done so. During the energy work I had to occasionally fast and was not allowed to drink anything but water. As any caffeine addict knows, when deprived of the usual caffeine intake, the result is a headache. Some of the intense energy work caused nausea, which is why the fasting was required. Before I learned to heed the advice to avoid tea, I had to deal with caffeine-withdrawal headaches during the fasting in addition to the nausea from the energy work. Needless to say, I learned after that to trust and comply with the spirits’ recommendations.

In addition to the dietary restrictions, I had the responsibility of ensuring my emotional and mental preparedness for the daily training sessions. A sharp focus on the training exercises was necessary to execute them and learn the new concepts that were being introduced. Often, especially in the beginning, if I was distracted or emotionally out of balance, the sessions would be delayed until I could correct the problem.

The delays were frequent in the beginning. Perhaps one in four sessions was completed during the first month of training. I had difficulty focusing completely on the lessons we were working on. It was frustrating because I would do the preparation for the work and then be put off. I would be told to come back later, with little explanation as to why the session was being delayed.

After a few weeks I began to make the connection between my mental and emotional states and the annoying delay of the training session. I learned to make sure that I was in a positive and focused state of mind when coming into the library to work on my lessons.

Dr. Dee did not always tell me what was going on but often would allow me the time to work things out for myself. I wonder if that method of teaching stemmed from his experience at the universities where he studied during his physical life on earth. I was consistent in making myself available for the sessions every day at the time agreed upon, whether I felt like working or not. I was determined to prove myself to Dr. Dee and did not want him to regret helping me.

Log Entry—July 2013

This is the third week or so of the spirit box sessions with Dr. John Dee and Edward Kelley. A summary of the first three weeks of the experiment is as follows:

The equipment used is a P-SB7 spirit box. I set it to the slowest scan on FM. I do not change the settings. I find that consistency in the settings helps the communication.

I have a small Olympus digital recorder with an internal microphone set next to the box. The setup works well provided that Edward and the others are aware of my desire to communicate. Improvement in the clarity of the communication has been noted through the course of the past few weeks.

I asked Dr. Dee about using the table of practice to assist in focusing energy, and the following items were made according to his directions. I constructed the table of Nalvage. The table is the same diameter as the large Sigillum Dei Aemeth. Stacked refrigerator magnets were used as the feet. The feet of the table were placed on three-inch Sigillum Dei Aemeth wax tablets that rested on a silk tablecloth. On top of the table of Nalvage was the large wax tablet. This was covered with red silk. The spirit box, recorder, or scrying mirror were placed on top of the silk cover.

Initially I found the sessions to be emotionally intense. The upheaval created when reopening old psychological wounds causes spiritual pain to the point of physical discomfort. Edward was aware of this and suggested healing sessions with Annael. The angel was able to provide some relief from the sense of emotional and physical discomfort within two sessions. It felt like the negative emotions were melted off me when this was done. There was a great deal of grief and weight from all the mistakes I had made throughout my life. This was healed to a large extent within the space of a few minutes.

I decided to follow in Dr. Dee’s footsteps in faith and joined the Anglican Church. I chose it because it was Dee’s religion. I was happy about the decision.

We did scrying lessons. Edward taught me how to construct a mirror that works very well for scrying. We also developed communication techniques using the spirit box. I built a small spirit cabinet. It is an eighteen-inch square box lined with silk and contains quartz crystals, a better digital recorder, and microphones. (Note: the quartz crystals did little to enhance the communication and were later discarded. I do not feel they are useful in this communication setup, and for this reason they were not included in chapter 3’s description.)

I am also investigating other tools that we might use. During my early work there were a few miscommunications between the spirits and myself, and I hope that the tools we are developing will help eliminate issues with communication.

There is always a sense of peace and love with Dr. Dee and Edward. I am hoping that they know how much it is needed and how much it means to me. I will do the best I can for them. They amaze me. I look forward to being there with them when I pass over. It seems to be a wonderful and peaceful place.

Edward said he is making a tulpa (homunculus). I didn’t have a chance to ask him about it, but my curiosity is killing me. Edward said he was born in Worcester, England. He said his favorite music is by Percival. I wonder if he means Purcell? Either way, I think he has good taste.

Log Entry—July 2013

In Casaubon’s True & Faithful Relation, the angel Nalvage mentioned that every idea in eternity becomes a living being. During the training I experienced what Nalvage alluded to in this statement. There were two incidents where fearful thoughts resulted in communications that were of an unpleasant and fearsome nature.

The first incident was a miscommunication where I was led to believe that my father was in the hospital. I believe the communication was an attempt to convey that Dr. Dee works with the afterlife hospital. This became confused with the worry I had at the time about the health of my earthly father, and the shadow created by my concern influenced what I heard over the radio.

The second incident was when I heard something to the effect that I had offended Edward and that he was done working with me. Rejection was a constant fear in the beginning. I had a hard time believing that I was working with Dr. Dee and Edward. I was afraid it was some kind of dream and I would wake up and find out none of it was real. This led to hearing a shadow communication that expressed my worst fears.

After the second incident, I realized that my fears and thoughts were expressing themselves in some way through the spirit box. I spoke to Edward regarding the incidents and my theory about what was happening. He concurred with my conclusion. He also said that he was experimenting with a puppet (homunculus) but did not reveal specific information at that time.

I achieved two important realizations based on these incidents. One, my emotional state affects the communication and can override what actual spirits are saying. The other is that a thought form occurs in a flash instead of being made through a formal ritual.

I believe Edward was talking about a tulpa, or maybe a homunculus. He did not say that, but I think that is what he was referring to.

Written later that day: I rechecked the tape. He was talking about the homunculus experiment. The H either was not pronounced or did not come through the spirit box; to my hearing, he pronounces it “munculus.”

Hubert, a friend of Edward’s whose last life was in nineteenth-century Iceland, came to work with me during the time when the difficulties in communication were at their worst. I was hearing accusatory messages coming from the box, which I found intimidating. One thing that caused the fear was telepathy. At that time telepathy was one-way: I could not hear them, but they were aware of my thoughts. I felt very exposed and vulnerable. This fearfulness of telepathy led to the communication being distorted. My fearfulness generated thought forms that spoke to me through the spirit box. It seemed every time I worked with Hubert it was an unpleasant experience, and I left the sessions feeling intimidated and depressed. Once I learned how telepathy worked, I was able to better understand Hubert and the others, and the intimidation issue was resolved. Here Edward is quoting Nalvage in Casaubon’s book where the angel said that every idea becomes a living thing in eternity.

Jenny: I was rather scared of him (Hubert)—he seemed quite intimidating.

Edward: I know. This is an example of how every thought becomes a living thing. In this case it interfered quite a little with the work that we were trying to accomplish with him

and you.

Edward started to teach me how to scry once the table was finished. I fashioned a simple scrying mirror following his directions, which are detailed in the second half of the book. I was quite surprised that he instructed me to use a regular three-inch cosmetic mirror mounted on a plain unfinished wooden block. The mirror was tilted at an angle to reflect the ceiling. It is a unique setup. Dark mirrors are far more common in modern magic. The mirror worked well with just about any kind of lighting, including daylight.

Scrying was practiced at least twice a day. While I was scrying I had to listen to his instructions. It was my first experience of listening and hearing Edward using the P-SB7 spirit box without recording and playing back the messages. I found that when I relaxed I could make out what was being said.

He would have me describe exactly what I saw in the mirror regardless of whether it was recognizable as a place, person, or object. Edward taught that no matter what kind of mediumship I practiced, I needed to describe my perceptions exactly as I received them, even if they did not make sense. This teaching is critically important when practicing any kind of psychic skill.

Jenny: Edward, why did you have me work with scrying with the mirror at first? It seems rather strange now, considering the direction that things went.

Edward: We did scrying to teach you how to focus. Your focus was very poor when we started. It is a difficult thing to develop. Using the mirror proved to be an effective tool until you were ready to open and go deep without it. Focus is very important when doing any kind of spiritual endeavour. Focus makes it possible to do things that you normally cannot do.

Jenny: Like scrying?

Edward: Yes, any kind of mediumship accomplishment is impossible without good focus. With good focus nothing

is impossible. Miracles are possible with good focus. That

is how important it is. There is no limit to what can be

done in the strength of the Spirit.

Log Entry—July 2013

Made the same preparations but was off mentally and spiritually. Dr. Dee delayed the session for a couple hours while I worked through the difficulty. We did scrying in this session, but the scrying was secondary to something else that was going on. I sensed Edward doing something with me that caused odd sensations as I was scrying. The sensations caused me to feel strange and a little dizzy. They caused me to drift off. When this happened, I was hit with his wake-up call. I was wearing a headset and listening to the jukebox as we were working. He asked me to remove the headset, as it was causing interference. I think my nervous system is being rewired.

Edward had mentioned that I was to work with a spirit by the name of David Blackburne. Edward will work with us jointly. I see good potential working with one spirit in the body and one outside, and hopefully we can dispense with the electronic gadgets.

I have to be more careful with the food. I think part of what messed me up this morning was the eggs. I will try experimenting with not eating before a session to see if it helps. Also, possibly I should eat something else for breakfast if the eggs do not agree with me.

I finished the linen skirt and silk coverings for the equipment. All I need now is a nice storage box to put them in. I also found a way to greatly reduce the static noise. I need to do some more sound tests to try to improve the use of the filters. I have to remember to ask Dr. Dee if he has time to do a test and help me some with the equipment.

I am also thinking of other improvements. A microphone within the box, possibly using a detuned AM P-SB7, may help reduce noise. (Note: The detuned AM P-SB7 is a different spirit box from the AM/FM P-SB7 that I was using at this time.) I also saw an application for the iPad called Echovox that looks like it has some potential.

Dr. Dee said the predominate force in the universe is love. I have a lot to learn. I have trouble accepting affection and believing this is even real.

In mid July David Blackburne was introduced to me by Edward. Until my healing of my heart, he and Edward worked with me together, and he assumed full responsibility for my training after my healing until initiation. Edward continued to keep in touch but was not present at every session.

As the first week with David progressed, I found myself learning more about one of the key concepts in understanding the nature of the astral world with which I intersect and interact: the difference between the shadows and true spirit communications. The distinction became a practical issue when dealing with anything spiritual.

I believe that most of a beginner’s experiences when learning to astrally project or develop psychic abilities involve these shadows. They can be either positive or negative, and reflect the beliefs and expectations of the individual who is creating them. As I mentioned before, they can be created intentionally or unintentionally. It was only through the teachings I received from Edward and David that I began to learn how to tell the difference between genuine spirit contact and the shadows.

I believe that most psychic attacks are done by shadows generated by the person being attacked. These are sometimes intense and terrifying experiences and can result in adverse physical and psychological consequences. The severity of the manifestation of the attacking shadow depends on the mediumistic ability of the person who is manifesting the entity. The greater the person’s mediumistic abilities, the more powerful the manifestations will be. Stories of saints—sensitive spirit mediums—who were plagued by demonic attacks could in fact be shadows generated by the saints themselves, arising from their fears and beliefs about the spiritual world.

Regardless of their nature, spirits and shadows must have a living medium in order to manifest on this plane, the earthly plane on which we live.

The communication through the jukebox was dependent on my mediumship. The jukebox was a tool to facilitate my mediumistic abilities. Success in spirit communication depends on the medium eliminating obstacles to the natural interaction with the spirits, of which we are all capable.

In reading these accounts, you must understand that the nature of Edward, David, and the others who were working with me was benevolent and loving. No one ever had any intention of hurting me. Yet because of what was going on with my healing and emotions, as well as beliefs, I was manifesting negative interactions. I suspected at the time that this was the case, but I later came to understand this more fully when I had to learn to control my clairaudience.

By mid to late July 2013, as the training was intensifying, I started having trouble with shadow recordings. I define a shadow recording as an articulation of fears caused by the subconscious mind that is recorded and heard on the jukebox or other spirit communication medium. The recordings contained information from spirits trying to teach me and also my own subconscious input such as fears, desires, likes, and dislikes.

I learned to prevent these shadow recordings by controlling my emotions and mental focus during the sessions. A positive mental attitude as well as total focus on the spirit I wanted to hear helped to eliminate the problem. Prayer was most helpful in clearing out the malevolent messages with which I struggled.

In these early sessions I started working with Hubert Hofgarten. My sessions with Hubert were either wildly successful or complete disasters. I had more trouble with shadow recordings when I worked with him, although I knew deep down he was trying to help me.

Log Entry—July 2013

The past twelve hours have been hell for me. Pain and depression returned in full force and doubts kept creeping in, which exhausted me. I’m constantly fighting fears that these beings may be malevolent. I know in my heart it is not so, but the terrible storm of emotions and pain is seriously clouding my judgment.

The reality I fear is that they’ve seen inside my memory and heart and hate what they see there. I can’t blame them for feeling that way, especially Edward, who doesn’t seem to want to look at such trash. I feel keenly the guilt and shame of all the mistakes I’ve made.

I was working with Hubert, who I allowed further within than I had anyone else. I put the recorder on and he told me he wanted me to work with Edward instead. I feel bad for putting him through that. I guess I didn’t really believe he would see what was in my past. Bitter and sad is how I feel now, but I cannot go back. I promised Dr. Dee I would not quit. Maybe they want to quit. My soul is shredded and in emotional agony. (Note: At this time I thought that I had offended Hubert in some way and took this very personally. This was not the case at all; it was an error in perception on my part.)

Dr. Dee said everything will work out and be okay. I can’t see it right now, but I have to hang in there until light breaks through.

Edward: You were very frightened of Hubert. You did not understand that Hubert meant to help you. You were hearing voices of your own making in the jukebox. You are a powerful medium through the means of the jukebox. He could not overcome the strength of the thought forms you were manifesting on that communication tool that day. He was very unhappy that you were so frightened of him. We were not sure how to deal with the situation at first. That was our challenge in working with you. However, this is a common challenge, and a miracle occurred with Gabriel’s appearance. This miracle was the first step to eliminate the terrible thought forms you were generating that interfered with our attempts to help within your heart.

Note: The angel Gabriel’s appearance took place around this time. I did not keep a log that day. At first I did not realize it was Gabriel speaking and only later, as my channeling ability strengthened, learned the astonishing truth. I was amazed and in awe that the archangel would consider me at all. He spoke encouraging words to me over the jukebox. It was the turning point of the training and the first step in overcoming the communication difficulties and fears I was experiencing.

Log Entry—July 2013

One hour until the next check-in. Not getting my hopes up much this time. The emotional storm is mostly past and now I just feel lonely and depressed. At least the dog still likes me, in his own way. I am determined to continue regardless of how I feel. Mountains are not climbed by quitters. I made a promise to Dr. Dee. He wanted more than anything for me to trust him despite doubts, depression, and emotional storms from the healers digging in the garbage bin of my heart.

I am determined to hang on. I feel this is my best chance. What would I do if I did quit? Miss the opportunity of a lifetime? He said he accepted me, and Edward did as well. When they said that, they knew what was in there. Even if I cannot read them and can barely feel anything of their presence, I will still go on and hope that things somehow work out. The pain inside me is lessened, and the shredded feeling is now more of a dull ache. Edward will come when the time is right. I will just have to deal with it until then.

Post-Session Note: What happened afterwards is very confusing. The message on the radio said that Edward would not work with me anymore. I became suspicious. I prayed for the first time in twenty years and invoked every divine name I could remember, even invoking Michael, thinking that possibly a malevolent force was behind this.

During this session I thought I was under a psychic attack. I was hearing malicious messages on the spirit box and could not shake off the feeling that something evil was present in the room. I was frightened, and I invoked Michael and attempted to exorcise the evil that was in the room by calling on the angel. It did not help the situation.

Log Entry—July 2013

Hubert freaked out that I had invoked Michael and said that such invocations were not allowed. He said that he had no intention of harming me. He seemed to be quite confused over why I was so upset. I guess invoking angels in this way must be some kind of taboo that I was unaware of. We had a good talk later, and he explained some of this to me.

Edward: Invoking Michael reinforced the thought forms generated by your fear. It did not have anything to do with the angel, though he heard you and asked what was happening with you. After that, he went to pray to the Father to help you overcome these fears. Hubert tried to warn you, but it came across much more harshly than he intended.

The healing process was often unpleasant. I was not always in a cooperative or patient frame of mind. I wanted to get the healing done and over with. I found the time between sessions frustrating. I would have spent many hours a day on healing alone if Edward had allowed it. Working like this, however, does not allow time to regain equilibrium after intense energy work. Each session dug deeper into my psyche, exposing areas that had been buried for thirty years or more. The result was a temporary worsening of the depression and frustration instead of an improvement.

The next day was better, and I had better insight into the process. Many of the “rules” were, in fact, being generated by my own subconscious mind rather than originating from Edward or Hubert.

Log Entry—July 2013

Finally some clarity today regarding what I interpreted as capricious behavior. It seems I’m learning the rules the hard way—that is, after I mess up. Again the confusion of telepathy pulls the carpet from under my feet and another apology is needed on my part.

How do people cope with telepathy when they cross over? When I understood how much the spirits can see, I was horrified. It was not until praying for this understanding that it hit home. I hope for forgiveness and will try to undo whatever damage I have caused by my ignorant thoughts.

I can feel a strong sense of guilt and shame. I also have a growing uneasiness, which I interpreted as hatred directed toward me. Without the specific information I need to understand what is going on here, I felt that I was under attack and reacted by invoking the archangel Michael.

Later, when I understood what was happening, I realized that Edward and Hubert were totally gracious in their response. (Note: The feelings I was perceiving at this time were unrelated to what Edward and Hubert were trying to convey to me. The emotions I struggled with were emotions that were buried. Healing brings emotions to the surface, where they can be released.)

We are making a talisman. I think it will be a good strategy to help my insecurity. Fear is banished by love.

We are also trying autographia (automatic writing). I don’t know if it will be useful, but it should be an interesting experiment.

We decided to make sigils for Edward and Dr. Dee to help me feel more secure. I tried to generate the design with automatic handwriting, but it didn’t work. I will have to use another method of making the sigils.

The healing session went well. I had a strange sensation of moving down, then moving up into my head with a strong upward pressure on top of my head. It’s rather like being on a rollercoaster. It’s a very physical feeling.

Praying feels different now. There have been only a few times in my life when I felt connected to God as I prayed. Now the connection seems stronger, and it occurs every time. It feels like something is happening, like someone is listening. It’s a good feeling, as if whoever is on the other end knows and understands what I’m going through. The connection is very pleasant, and I found that praying relieved the reluctance and frustration I have been having trouble with.

I’ve also noticed a change in my reaction to sensory input such as TV and movies. Things that never bothered me before now make me feel unsettled. It’s as if something evil is tracking me in the room while I’m watching or as if the movie is coming to life. Donald and I enjoy horror and science fiction movies. Now, after watching these kinds of movies, it’s as if the movie doesn’t stop. In the sessions that follow the movies, the images continue to disturb me. The effect is not pleasant at all. I feel like I’m in deep water over my head.

Note: I hope the reader is beginning to get a sense of the struggle I went through. Healing came with difficulty in the beginning. It was not easy to work with this on a daily basis. There were times when I felt I was making headway and other times when I crashed emotionally. The important thing to remember when doing this kind of work is to persevere. Opening painful areas that have been buried for years is not pleasant. However, not all aspects of this work were unpleasant, and the rewards that came later were worth the pain I had to go through in the beginning. The digging resulted in healing. I knew deep inside it would. The pain, however, was a constant battle for the first couple of months.

Log Entry—July 2013

I think my attempts at scrying are inhibited because of my aversion to my inner self. I realized that my conscience was falsely accusing me. I am accepted and in God’s grace and love. But in spite of that realization, my aversion continues and I cannot bear to pierce the fog. I believe with inner acceptance and peace that the faculty of scrying will improve.

The inability to open to Edward may be due to wanting more to open to God and not another human, even though Edward has good intentions and is trying to heal me inside. I think the higher path is for me, and with that unity I would be a true healer myself. I have to tread the path to heaven. I have some measure of peace today. I was able to silence the accusing, hateful voices on the jukebox.

At the beginning of August we decided to outline a more structured regimen to allow for greater consistency, and also to help me cope with the fears I was struggling to overcome. I hoped it would eliminate the issues with my angry, self-accusing subconscious mind, at least until the worst of the garbage was cleared out and I gained some equilibrium.

I made an outfit for myself consisting of a skirt and top that would only be used for working with Edward and Dr. Dee. I was able to find a nice white blouse to use, and I made the skirt from a maxi skirt pattern. It was made of pure white linen and was elastic in the waist. I wore this for most of the sessions. Later, when the weather was too cold for this outfit, I went to a sweater and warmer skirt. After initiation we dropped the use of the uniform, as I had developed sufficient focus to accomplish the work without it.

We agreed upon consistent times for practice in the morning and evening. Edward strongly preferred to work at night, so we made a bit of a compromise and decided to work in the early evening. I am not a night owl by any means and preferred the early morning hours for doing this kind of work.

This is the front of Edward’s seal. The design is a symbol for the philosopher’s stone, which was his choice.

Sigils were made for both Dr. Dee and Edward. They were not used for forceful evocation but instead were used to give me the security of knowing that I was talking to Dr. Dee or Edward. The idea was to help me to feel safer. After I made the sigils, Edward and Dr. Dee blessed them. They were made on disks of one-quarter inch thick oak. (Note: I would place the talisman on the table of practice, near the spirit box, and focus entirely on that spirit rather than open the door and hope the spirit I wanted to talk to would show up.)

I continued to try completing the equipment described in Dr. Dee’s diaries. At this point I still did not understand the role the equipment played and that it was my own focus that needed improvement. I believed that there was something inherent in the physical tools I was using that was making the communications more clear. In seeking to complete the tools described by Dr. Dee in his diaries, I hoped to prevent shadow recordings or malicious messages. Dr. Dee attempted to draw my attention away from this work, but I didn’t grasp his purpose. It wasn’t until I started to work with David Blackburne that I finally understood. He was able to communicate to me that my heart and focus needed work, and that the key to success did not lie in the tools I was using.

This is the front of Dr. Dee’s seal. The symbol is his own Monas Hieroglyphica.

Log Entry—July 2013

I’m starting to work on the holes in the Enochian diaries. The diaries have fascinated me since I first looked at them. The complexity and mystery of the system of angel invocation is unique.

I wanted to find out how to work the Enochian tables, so the next part of the work was focused more on equipment. We continued to work on learning to open, but I also attempted to make some replicas of the table that Dr. Dee and Edward had used in their scrying sessions.

I found out some interesting things. First, Dr. Dee said to me that he had intentionally left out pieces of the equipment and procedure so that in the event of discovery the integrity of the work would remain intact. He wrote enough to remind himself of what he needed. I made a replica table in a smaller scale after he commented that the original table was too large. The table of practice could be placed on another utility table for use. The replica was a portable version of the original.

The original table of practice was painted a violet red with yellow lettering. He mentioned that he and Edward had great difficulty in mixing the right tint of violet red for the original table as it had been revealed to Edward psychically by the angels. They had to mix paints from scratch using minerals and other sources of pigment that had to be ground and made into a paint. It had taken several tries to get the colors right.

The tables and sigils of the angels mentioned in the diaries are not usable without the tabula collecta, which is incomplete. In the original manuscript the center portion of the table has been torn out. There are not many holes, but there are enough that the table cannot be correctly completed without help.

Note: Dr. Dee decided that this was not the right time to use the equipment I had constructed. It is still safely stored for the day when it becomes apparent that the tables and sigils are needed.

Log Entry—September 2013

I worked with David Blackburne and Tim. (Note: Tim only appeared once, and I wasn’t sure of his surname—it sounded Welsh.) We had a good session with strong, clear communication. David showed mastery of the jukebox, which was impressive. He has had little practice with the apparatus. I find him to be polite, pleasant, and good at teaching. We should get on well. He reminds me strongly of Dr. Dee, and he is powerful. It was a good experience. My heart is overheating again, and he reassured me that there is nothing I can do to either cause or fix it. He adjusted it for me to make me comfortable.

There is to be a second session at 8 pm. I think I will be with Edward this evening. They told me he’s been with the “army” of late. I never thought of evil spirits as being even remotely powerful enough to warrant much more than a flyswatter. I wonder what that’s about?

Edward: The Cosmic Father lets us help him to protect his creation against anything that would harm it. This is the army and its purpose. This is where I was when we spoke on that day.