Encounters with Power: Adventures and Misadventures on the Shamanic Path of Healing - José Luis Stevens 2017

The Power of Dieting in the Jungle: Plant Teachings
Inspiration—Ceremonialist-Healer

Six months after our visit to Pierre’s compound, in April 1997, I was returning to Peru, accompanied by my friend Richard, a Peruvian-born clinical psychologist-hypnotherapist living and working in the Santa Fe region. We had arranged with Pierre to travel to his new, isolated compound deep in the jungle to diet for greater knowledge of the teacher plant ayahuasca. We were thrilled at the prospect, and appreciating Pierre’s vast knowledge of the plants, we were somewhat anxious about what we would encounter. Pierre had supervised many diets and warned us about the intensity of dieting and that it could produce profound results; it was not to be taken lightly. En route to Peru, both Richard and I experienced powerful dreams about transformation in the depths of the jungle. Somehow we knew this journey would change our lives irrevocably. It was not every day that we could spend time in ceremony with a master ayahuasqero.

After a brief stay in his compound, we readied for the journey to la selva profunda, a place called Regalia in the deep jungle, where we would continue the diet and seek plant knowledge. Pierre wanted us to have the experience of being away from all civilization, in virgin jungle where the plant spirits would be most powerful.

In the night prior to leaving, I was seized by cramping, diarrhea, and vomiting, probably the result of some bad airport food — not an auspicious way to begin such a difficult trip to the wilds of the Amazon, but I had come too far to be deterred. Pierre prepared a plant concoction for me that soothed the cramping and settled my stomach. Without further delay, we piled into two dusty taxis with bald tires for the wild overland part of the journey. Richard and I were accompanied by Arturo Benitez, a Cuban-born student of teacher plants in his seventies; Ernesto, a young Peruvian; forty-five-year-old Miguel Rostas, an assistant and apprentice shaman to Pierre; and of course Pierre himself, under whose direction we would be working. This would be the first group of four to work at the new site. With time and hard work, Pierre would eventually be able to take up to twelve guests who wished to diet under his supervision.

On the way, both taxis suffered the obligatory flat tire and repair, making the trip a long one. According to Pierre, journeys such as these always include tests and obstacles to overcome, and even certain sacrifices. The sacrifice had begun.

Eventually we arrived at a large river that ultimately joins the Amazon. Here we were required to show passports to grim, machine gun—toting Peruvian Marines who have established a base and checkpoint to combat traffic in coca, the principle plant ingredient in the manufacture of cocaine. We breathed a deep sigh of relief when all our documents checked out and we were allowed to pass. We learned from Pierre that many of the local people had abandoned their coca fields and were turning to other ways to make a living. He had hired some of them himself to help build his jungle compound.

At this checkpoint we left the taxis behind and transferred to a long, narrow, open-air motorboat for a two-hour journey through breathtaking, pristine jungle, accompanied by flying parakeets, kingfishers, egrets, and all manner of other birds. We passed homesteads and villages slashed out of the forest, their palm frond—thatched roofs sheltering the natives from the torrential downpours that inundate the Amazon basin at all times of the year.

Upon reaching a smaller tributary with deep green waters, we transferred to a small dugout that carried us for another hour to the take-out where we would begin our walking trek to the small compound an hour away. Weakened from my bout with illness, I was fortunate to have help carrying my pack through dense forest darkened further by dusk, which, at the equator, arrives at six o’clock sharp. We were joined by Julio Tigre, a local and knowledgeable hunter, and by Humberto, who would be our cook. The diet requires that for men, the cook be a young boy or an older man who is no longer actively sexual, lest the food preparation be compromised or influenced by energies not focused on the plant medicines. Kindly Humberto, appearing to be in his late fifties, was this man.

Finally, we arrived at the mouth of a small river with a trail leading into the jungle. Sweating, panting, and whacking our way through the Peruvian jungle with machetes, our group of eight slowly made its way to the compound on the banks of the beautiful Rio Respata.

The trek led us up over a ridge through a dense forest with massive trees hung with vines and thick shrubs. The vines were so thick that they themselves could be classified as tree trunks. At one point I brushed past a large leaf and discovered that fierce, biting ants had spilled down my shirt and had instantly begun biting my flesh. I realized in a flash that the jungle was intensely alive and that I must be vigilant. A few minutes later my resolve was strengthened when we stumbled upon a coiled rattlesnake, a fer-de-lance (iron spear), one of the deadliest poisonous snakes in the world. The jungle would not be easy. Breaking out of the deep forest, we arrived at the compound to the roar of an exquisite waterfall forty feet across on the Rio Respata.

After much exploring, Pierre had found this pristine location, a place untouched by human beings, where the plant and animal spirits are active and strong. Here there had been no logging, no road building, and no human activity, and there would be no intrusion of human sounds or thoughts. During the diet it is imperative not to be interrupted by strangers because their sudden presence could spoil its positive effects. One must be relatively quiet and in a private place or the effects of the plants could become twisted and cause harm rather than good.

Here we would remain for the duration of the diet: meditating; doing ceremony; studying the plants; and bathing in the juices of their bark, flowers, leaves, and stems. There was an open-sided shelter about fifteen feet long with a palm frond roof for sleeping under mosquito netting and holding ceremony, a small cookhouse for dining, and another small shelter for staff sleeping quarters. All around the shelters, the jungle towered into the sky, its deep green a contrast to the brilliant blue of the equatorial sky surrounding the always-forming clouds.

In the Amazon, night falls rapidly, and after arranging our gear and setting up the sleeping pads, we drifted indoors to enjoy a delicious light supper and meet some of our new companions. After dinner we learned more about which plants each of us would ingest and diet with. As I mentioned before, Richard and I would be concentrating on the plant combination called ayahuasca. The ayahuasca vine is combined with the leaves of a small tree called chacruna. The leaves of the chacruna tree contribute the visionary DMT (dimethyltryptamine), and the ayahuasca vine contains harmaline, an MAO inhibitor. The combination produces the deeply sacred healing experience referred to only as “taking ayahuasca.” Ernesto was going to focus on albahaca, the basil plant, for cleansing and purification, while Arturo was choosing to take chiric sanango root for physical strength and endurance. On previous trips to Peru, Arturo had worked with several other plants to great advantage. He described a diet he had taken several years earlier with ushpawasha sanango, a plant that for a week helped him remember in great detail and order all the significant memories of his life starting in childhood. He described a kind of detachment he felt as he saw the interrelationship of all his life’s events and how together they had contributed to who he had become. He found this experience very valuable.

During this new diet over the next several days, Arturo would shiver with cold from the effects of chiric sanango. The shivering produced by the plant is a manifestation of its properties. Even its name in Quechua, the language of the Incas, means “cold.” This plant is often taken to get rid of cold or damp conditions in the body, such as rheumatism. The shivering is a way of releasing the cold from the body. People often think of the Amazon as hot, but it is possible to suffer from hypothermia because of the dampness, frequent travel on rivers, and the occasional cold winds from the south. Arthritis and rheumatism are big problems in the Amazon and chiric sanango is a great blessing to the people.

For Richard and me, the diet dictated by Pierre consisted of the following: for two weeks prior to the intensive deep jungle experience, we avoided medications, chilies, pork, iced or very cold drinks, acidic foods like vinegar, strong spices, alcohol, lard, and sex, including erotic fantasy. We were to spend time quietly preparing ourselves for the inner work and avoid a hectic lifestyle that might include disturbing articles, television programs, or films, and even attending conferences. As I later learned from Miguel, this is a classic diet used for many plants in the Amazon, the main point of which is to allow the body to build up strength for the rigors of the diet in the jungle. Avoiding sex and a hectic lifestyle is designed to stop energy leaks so energy can build up in preparation for the ingestion of the plant.

The “diet,” of course, is much more than food restrictions. According to Pierre, it is inclusive of many things: one is to rest and avoid worry, distractions, and intense feelings. The diet is for purification, clearing, and making oneself open and available to the teachings of the plants. Anything that shocks the body is to be avoided.

After we arrived at the compound in the deep jungle, the diet continued in earnest, with an even more rigorous schedule. We were allowed to eat the flesh of the boqui chico, an Amazon River fish whose flesh is considered pure because it eats only fruit. These fish are rather bony and small but nonetheless delicious when cooked. With the fish we could eat cooked plain plantains, something like a banana but less tasty and somewhat chalky when prepared over a fire. On occasion we could eat plain white rice, and near the latter part of the diet we dined on paca, a large, tasty rodent with dark meat that lives in the jungle, and on a pheasantlike bird that tasted somewhat like chicken. We ate these foods twice, sometimes three times a day. The meals were never filling and completely without spice, but we relished them all the same.

We were to avoid a lot of talk, joking, and distracting activity in order to concentrate on the plant teachings. We were to benefit from the powerful spiritual influence of the forest and avoid non-dieting human beings with other agendas who could disturb the diet with their strong emotions. Since we were all focused on a single theme, we did not need to be isolated from one another, but we maintained minimal contact except at mealtimes.

Pierre warned us that many things could interrupt the diet and even ruin it, such as interference from an animal we might encounter. We were told that if we should suddenly meet an animal in the jungle, we should never joke about it or laugh at it but rather show it utmost respect. In this way, the animal would not disturb the diet and might even help with it.

Each day we were to consume some of the plant, either in raw form or specially cooked and prepared. The ayahuasca vine is ceremonially cut into foot-long sections, stripped of bark, pounded to a pulp, and layered alternately in a large pot with leaves from the chacruna plant (and sometimes other plants from other parts of the Amazon) and is then cooked over a low flame for six to ten or more hours. I learned that each shaman prepares the medicine according to a slightly different recipe based on his or her own understanding with the plant. The juice is further boiled down to form a concentrate. Throughout the cooking process, according to tradition, the shaman prays into the plant using tobacco smoke to assure that it is honored and will be helpful to those who consume it. Before the concentrate is consumed, Pierre, like all Amazonian shamans, prays and sends the prayers via tobacco smoke into the bottle of concentrated medicine. The medicine is then consumed in the form of a tea, usually in rather small amounts (about a shot glass).

On the two non-ceremony evenings, we ingested a teaspoon of ayahuasca to maintain its presence in our bodies. The effect was vivid, lucid dreams during the night. On the five ceremony nights we ingested from thirty to forty milliliters of reconstituted ayahuasca in a small ceramic cup — about an ounce to an ounce and a third.

Pierre told us that each preparation is different in concentration and potency and has to be experimented with to find the proper dosage to produce the visions and healing affects. He also explained the different varieties of the ayahuasca vine and how each can have a distinct strength and effect. In Peru, the vine comes in a common yellow variety, a rare white-fleshed one that grows in the highlands, and a black vine that is very strong and more delicate to work with. This black variety is considered to have much magic but its diet is very strict. According to Pierre, few shamans are willing to diet so rigorously, restricting themselves to eating one variety of fish for every meal for their whole lives, for example. The yellow vine is lower in potency but easily found and therefore used in most ceremonies. This is the variety we worked with during our diet. The vine itself can grow thick like a tree, but for ceremonial purposes it is used when it is about one and a half to two inches in diameter, after five years of growth.

The days were given to rest, integration, and preparation for the evening ceremonies. After a day of lounging and napping in the hammocks slung between the trunks of tall trees laden with green vines, or floating in the freshwater pool below the tumbling cool waterfall, we gathered in the dusk to bathe in water suffused with various plants stems, leaves, and flowers. Some of these plants included guayusa (a plant that gives strength), ajo sacha, luasha, and chiric sanango, all plants with purifying qualities. Their purpose was to cleanse both our physical and spirit bodies before ingesting the diet plant.

After bathing and air drying, we entered the shelter for the ayahuasca ceremony. Since, according to Pierre, light is considered incompatible with ayahuasca, all ceremonies took place in total darkness, without even a candle for light. Without a moon the jungle becomes pitch black at night until the plant reveals the intrinsic light within the structure of the whole environment. Then the jungle lights up with the luminescence of its own magic. Trees and plants glow with their own iridescence, fireflies flit by the thousands in the branches of the overhanging trees, and each human emits a colorful energetic radiance almost impossible to describe in its ephemeral complexity and beauty.

To consume ayahuasca while safe at home in an enclosed room in your own culture is one thing. To partake of it in the intensity of the deep jungle with giant insects buzzing, spiders crawling, frogs and toads croaking, snakes slithering, birds singing, and a host of mammals of the jungle snorting and screaming in the night is quite another. People think the deep jungle is quiet, but nothing could be further from the truth. It is as noisy as a carnival. Not only is it thick with the noise of wildlife, but it is the home of countless plant and animal spirits waiting to reveal their secrets to the shamanic seeker.

During the first ceremony the spirit of a large vulture I had seen during the day taught me about forgiveness and told me not to be so hard on myself. During another ceremony a huge snake spirit slithered into my mouth and through my intestines, cleaning me out in the most personal and thorough way. A great green frog warned me about negative thoughts, and the felt presence of a screaming monkey out in the dark invited me to stay focused and pay attention.

Needless to say, the dark, deep forest can raise your terror level to a high degree. This is one of the personal confrontations that the diet offers: a chance to face nameless fear and overcome it. I was soon to discover that it was not the jungle that I was afraid of. The fear was within me, and I had brought it with me to the jungle.

Those of us focusing on the ayahuasca diet, as well as several others in the group, partook of the tea in a sacred manner like a communion and then settled down on our pads to wait for the teachings and visions from within. The ceremonies are indescribable, and no words can ever capture the true nature of the event. All the senses are involved: the bitter taste of the tea; the sounds of the jungle and the icaros of the shamans; the acrid smell of tobacco and the sweetness of Agua Florida; the touch of the shaman’s ministrations and the prickly heat of the night; and the intense inner visions of patterns, landscapes, and animals. Never have I experienced such feelings of mortality as in the jungle. Never have I received such clarity of wisdom, such teachings, such awareness as in this series of ceremonies. Never have I been consumed with such trepidation, such elation, and such challenges as in this diet.

During the evening sessions, the guiding shamans, Pierre and Miguel, donned their sacred robes decorated with Shipibo designs, sang the icaros, guided the medicine, and shaped the visions. In turns they worked with us, blew on us, sang over us, and healed us. After many hours we clustered in the darkness to share our visions and newly gained knowledge. Seldom have I felt such love, such camaraderie, such a sense of belonging and rightness in the work we were doing together.

As we gathered for the first ceremony I was elated about where I was and what was about to take place. My need for adventure was more than completely satisfied, especially when a snake fell from the roof of the hut and landed among us, rising up and weaving back and forth like a cobra. We all scrambled to get away until the cook identified it as nonpoisonous and took it out to the forest on a stick. It occurred to me that such omens are not accidental, and I prepared for a powerful journey into the world of ayahuasca. The medicine, a dark brown viscous liquid, had been prepared in Iquitos and was now stored in several clear liter bottles.

We arranged ourselves in a circle around Pierre and watched as he lit a pipe and blew the smoke many times into a bottle of ayahuasca. Then one by one, we crawled to sit in front of him as he measured out a small portion for us to drink. The taste of ayahuasca can vary a great deal and this time it was quite sweet, with a bitter aftertaste. After ingesting and mentally asking the medicine to help me “see,” I crawled back to my spot to await the visions. In a surprisingly short time, about twenty minutes, I began to feel its effects. I had a sense of disequilibrium and imbalance, with a quickening of images behind closed eyes. When the visions began in earnest, I felt it necessary to lie back and I hardly budged for the next several hours. Ayahuasca carries the nickname of “the little death” for this reason. The activity is all internal and the body can be as still as a corpse.

Early in this first ceremony of the diet, I experienced a great deal of fear. I worried about spiders and bugs crawling on me, and certainly the mosquitoes were out and about. Perhaps I had bitten off more than I could chew, I thought, and I had to draw on some of my skills as a therapist to calm myself down. After a while Pierre sang delightful icaros in a falsetto voice and the effect on me was profound. Later he told me that the first icaros are to call the spirit of ayahuasca and other protective spirits, declare our good intentions and goodwill, and set up a structure for optimal conditions. Later the icaros would relate to each participant in turn — focusing on learning, healing, supporting, giving strength, and the like.

When the first icaros began, about an hour after we had ingested, I was experiencing the jungle’s power and its many presences, and I felt befriended by the spirit of ayahuasca. Its spirit appeared to me as a beautiful if not seductive woman who could teach me about my feminine nature. She danced in a writhing fashion and spoke directly to me as she transformed into a stunning green snake and then into vines, curving and coiling. She taught me that it is the nature of the feminine to curve and have rounded edges and that I could benefit from learning to be less linear and discover my curves as well. I listened and watched and asked her to teach me more.

After a time, Pierre called my name and I crawled to sit in front of him where he asked me how I was doing. I could hardly sit up, much less talk, so he blew tobacco smoke over me and sang icaros. Later he told me that he was asking the spirit of various places of power to enter me to help me on my journey within the jungle. He also sang to the spirit of ayahuasca to help me to learn and see as much as possible. He moved his hands over and around my energy field, healing and creating balance where before there had been rifts and disharmonies. Eventually he blew smoke into the top of my head and into my hands, which he folded in prayer fashion within his own hands. He finished off with Agua Florida, which he blew over me for cleansing and spread on my forehead, under my ears, and on my hands to open up the energy centers there. As he did all this the visions increased immeasurably in their intensity and power. I thanked him and then he handed me over to Miguel, who ministered to me with his own icaros. After probably forty-five minutes I crawled back to my spot. This would be the structure for the four following ceremonies as well. The icaros they sang each evening and the places where they concentrated their healing changed every time. I estimated that they spent about forty-five minutes with each of us, and clearly they worked very hard without ceasing until the ceremony ended.

Occasionally their songs were obscured by the sound of someone vomiting over the side of the hut into the jungle. Being a purgative, ayahuasca often makes people throw up or have a bowel movement. Pierre told us not to resist if the ayahuasca wished to cleanse our bodies. Although I did not feel the need the first night of ceremony, I experienced the purgative effect on subsequent nights. I noticed that the nausea resulting in vomiting was always accompanied by disharmonious thoughts. I realized that ayahuasca was also helping rid our systems of psychological baggage.

Many other visions accompanied this first ceremony, and by about two in the morning I felt a lessening of the plant’s intensity. Then Pierre called us together to have us give our renditions of the main experiences of the evening. My Spanish-language skills being only fair, I struggled to understand the words, but somehow the teachings and the sharing communicated to me anyway. Perhaps it was best that I could not follow every word. Around three in the morning we lay down to sleep — that is, if we could. I could not, so I just rested until dawn. If I was lucky, I would nap in the hammock before the next night. I found going without sleep was an important part of the experience because it allowed me to be more in touch with my vulnerabilities and the areas that needed exorcising in my subconscious. After several days of dieting, ceremony, and little sleep, I found myself very emotional and in touch with the hurt child deep inside me.

During the second ceremony I experienced a flood of tears for that inner child who had endured so much loneliness and abandonment when I was very young. I grew up as a latchkey child because both my parents worked from the time I was about four years old. I saw this part of myself in a kind of transparency that I had never been able to reach through years of psychotherapy and intensive growth experiences. I saw with clarity the workings of the ego I had developed to cope with hardship, my feeble attempts to defend myself from an abusive older brother, my silly self-deception that I was special somehow, and my limitations regarding self-confidence and social skills, and I saw the source of a great inner strength lying behind all the garbage. I realized how dictatorial my inner demands for perfection had been and saw the actuality of my imperfections just as they were. The ayahuasca spirit showed me objectively and neutrally where I lacked discipline and how my fear prevented me from taking advantage of opportunities that had come my way. I saw my humanity and the blend of my essence as it works through me, and I saw much more. This second ceremony was a major purge and left me in a deeply relaxed and accepting state.

As I mentioned earlier, we drank a little ayahuasca on alternate nights to keep it active in our systems throughout our sleep without actually doing a major ceremony. These nights were filled with lucid dreams of a highly valuable nature. I dreamed I was taken to faraway inner landscapes that I recognized as places I visited in my childhood daydreams. Spirit beings that I remembered as old friends showed me that I had always been connected beneath the surface, even during the trying and lonely years of my early childhood. They now gave me instructions about what I needed to do to change my life for the better. They showed me that gratitude is the key to having whatever I seek in my life. They also reminded me how important it is for me to communicate my love and concern to my children, my wife, and the other people who truly matter to me.

During the third ceremony I had an exceptionally difficult experience. After ingesting the tea from the same bottle as the nights before and taking the same amount, I experienced total overwhelm. The visions came stronger and stronger until I felt that I had been pushed to my limit and could go no further, but still the intensity kept building. I felt as if I had risen to a great height and was being pushed against a ceiling with tremendous force. I was not able to penetrate it and felt stuck there, with fear growing in me every second. During this time, I became aware that Pierre was repeatedly throwing up and was not yet available to help me. Miguel was occupied by singing some icaros to help him. Later they explained to me that they sometimes needed to do some healing work on each other before they could focus on healing others.

Finally, feeling panic setting in, I crawled over to Pierre and told him I felt the medicine’s effects were too strong and I was having trouble with fear. He asked me laconically what I meant by “too strong” and I couldn’t answer his question. Later he told me that it was only “too strong” in my belief and that I was dealing with a self-imposed limitation. I was to discover a rich vein of understanding in his words when I pondered them afterward. At the time he began to sing an icaro to the medicine, and after a short while I felt the intensity of the ayahuasca diminish to the point where I could manage it. I felt great respect for his ability to talk to the medicine and get it to do his bidding. I now knew what he meant when he said that dieting without a shaman is very risky and not a good idea.

I felt relief beyond measure and then received positive and informative words of wisdom from the plant spirit. The ayahuasca showed me how to gather up energy from my surroundings wherever I happened to be — a forest, the seashore, the mountains, the desert. The spirit of the plant warned me that I should ask the environment for protection on a forthcoming rafting trip through the Grand Canyon. It showed me how foolish it was to take such a journey without asking the spirit of the terrain for permission to trespass and request safe passage. I thought of all the times I had taken risks and neglected to take this precaution. I vowed to mend my ways, and the subsequent three-week trip down the Colorado River was injury- and illness-free for all the participants.

During the fourth ceremony I consumed the same dosage of medicine that I had on prior nights but I experienced very little effect. After about two hours I told Pierre and he gave me an additional dose of the tea and did healing work with me. This slightly increased the effect, but throughout the rest of the evening I felt disappointment that I had not reached the levels of visions and insight of previous evenings. I felt a great deal of emotional pain upon listening to the powerful experiences of the others at the end of the evening, knowing that I had lost a special opportunity.

At that time I asked Pierre why I experienced so little, even with an extra dosage. He explained that fear and resistance could completely block the effect of the ayahuasca and that it had to do with my intense fear experience from the night before. I found this phenomenon most interesting food for thought because it showed me the power of my mind in relation to the effects of the plant. I could clearly see what Pierre was getting at when he had asked me what I meant by the medicine being “too strong” the other evening. Obviously the intensity level was quite clearly under my control. I felt it was too much one night and with an even stronger dosage I felt it was not enough the next night. Pierre went on to explain that ayahuasca is finicky and very sensitive. If it does not feel welcome it won’t show up, even with very high dosages.

During the fifth ceremony, I was convinced I was not going to make it out of the jungle alive. I was losing weight, I was dehydrated, and my body was covered with insect bites. During this final ingestion of ayahuasca I saw and experienced vivid visions of my emaciated body on a tattered sixteenth-century sailing vessel strewn with the bodies of starving and dying sailors. I lost all contact with the jungle and truly thought I was on that ship. The winds were listless, the sails sagging and lifeless, the ship in a state of disarray and decay. I fought the image, I battled against imminent death, I resisted with what was left of my flagging energy. I felt a great sadness that I would never see my family again or my home and my dog. Then, after what seemed like a long time, I came to a place of peace. Yes, perhaps I would die on this vessel with the others and it was okay. I had the realization that to die is actually to wake up from a dream and be born into a nonphysical reality, and that being born into this physical body is to fall asleep in that other reality. I understood that this process was completely natural and happened in an infinite cycle until all was in balance and harmony. I saw that when an animal or plant dies, it wakes up and says, “Oh, I have been dreaming that I was a tree, a blade of grass, a butterfly, a bird, a fox, a snake, or a buffalo.” Then it eventually falls asleep again and dreams once more that it is living in the forest as an animal or a plant. Although I had always known this intellectually, I now knew it experientially at the core level of truth. I understood on a deeper level now why ayahuasca has the nickname “the little death”; it is not only to lie very still but also to know death and yet live a while longer, the wiser for it.

I was given many other teachings during this powerful culminating ceremony. I saw that Mother Earth gives to her children freely so we may eat and stay alive, and that we must never forget where our food comes from and give thanks for this great gift. I was shown indescribable visions of beauty and wondrous landscapes containing the most exquisite plant and animal forms, and I was shown that this beauty exists always within all things. I experienced a profound sense of gratitude for my life, for the incredible good fortune of being created and having the opportunity to experience this grand adventure. And I remembered how as a child sitting in church, bored with the service, I’d had these very feelings — before I became an adult and forgot. These were just a few of the many gifts of the plant spirit after the issue of death had been resolved.

Eventually the spirit of my dog showed up to check on me and provide me some solace. I cried with tears of gratitude for her love, comfort, and company.

In the morning of the eighth day I awoke weak but very much alive. I didn’t think I would get through it but I did. We had fish soup to break our strict diet — never did a thin, salty soup taste so good. We packed and hiked out to meet our boat for the return trip home, bitten, thinner, weaker, and much wiser.

The diet, however, was not over. For two weeks afterward we were required to follow the same regime as before our arrival. The intense dreams continued for the entire duration of the diet, even days after we left the jungle.

In a shamanic sense, the diet is highly effective in fulfilling its intended purpose: to cleanse us in preparation for accepting the plant ally and the power it brings. First we were plucked away from everything familiar: the city, friends, foods, entertainment, and work. We were plunked down into an alien environment, the selva profunda, a spectacular, gorgeous, dangerous situation where we depended entirely on those who knew how to survive there. We were given a strict diet under the guidance of experienced shamans and were asked to remain silent, with much of the day given to self-reflection and introspection.

Little by little the false self broke down. The intellect had little to do and emotions rose to the surface. Sadness, fears, angers, and limitations revealed themselves to be purged. Childhood patterns and memories became clear and tears flowed in a flood of release. After five days of intense plant journeys in this powerful jungle environment, I had begun to let go. I sobbed out my old sadness, my childhood wounds. I cried about how I had allowed fear to run me for so long. I have already described how I reflected upon my isolation and alienation growing up and how even now, as an adult, connection with others can be so difficult. The teacher plant showed me, at times harshly, at times gently, who I am. I saw my self-pity, my resistance, and my lack of resolve in the face of hardship. I was able to see the fear of death and loss that had hounded me and blocked joy, elation, and peace.

Great weight lifted from my chest. I gave these sorrows to the jungle and prayed for healing, an open heart, strength, and direction. I felt the love of my family, and I knew without a doubt that I was loved and I could love myself. I experienced a most profound healing and a new sense of the power that comes from recognizing the essence self. I also recognized how much work I had yet to do if I was to fulfill my true potential in this life.

Upon my return to the United States, even after so short a trip, I experienced some culture shock and a need for adjustment. I was profoundly tired and slept for two entire days and nights with little break. My insect bites required attention, and I ate voraciously to gain back the weight I had lost. When I returned to work as a consultant, counselor, and writer, I was gratified to discover a new sense of clarity and focus. I experienced more humility and patience toward myself and others. I found myself kinder and more compassionate, yet less tolerant of self-pity and distraction. I felt a greater depth of affection and appreciation for my family and a sense of confidence and power that I had not known before.

In this encounter with the power of the jungle a part of me died and another part was born. Comparing notes on the way home I discovered that this was also the case for my companion Richard, with whom a new bond was forged. Bear in mind that not everyone will have an experience exactly like ours; it may be much easier or much more difficult. Many should perhaps never attempt the diet at all because the experience is rigorous and clearly not for everyone. One has to be physically strong and emotionally prepared for such a challenge. Otherwise the diet can simply be overwhelming or too hard on the body. Those who have the interest, the tenacity, the time, and the means may receive great gifts from the challenge of dieting with the plants in the jungle.

I do not wish to misrepresent or overstate my experience with plant dieting in any way. According to Pierre and other shamans we met, the diet we pursued was minimal. Even though we prepared for two weeks prior and followed up for two weeks after, a week is quite brief as diets go and often they are much longer — fifteen days or even a month or more. Some diets may take over a year to fulfill. Ours was a beginner’s diet that allowed some abilities to work with the plant as an ally. For greater depth, a longer diet is necessary.

Pierre, Miguel, and other knowledgeable shamans like them follow a courageous discipline, healing the sick, working with the plants, and helping preserve the tradition and great wisdom of the teacher plants. Not only is this knowledge endangered by today’s world, but Pierre told me that many shamans today are losing their way to corruption and the enticements of modern life. Fast money, alcoholism, power, and the seduction of sex with those Northerners who are easily seduced by the charms of the mystical Latin shamans derail more than a few.

Thankfully there are still shamans with integrity who can be trusted to teach, show, and heal with love and dedication. Pierre is one. His vision includes documenting the healing properties of many jungle plants; keeping track of the ancient recipes for their preparation; creating diets and plant combinations that have major healing potential for such diseases as cancer, tuberculosis, AIDS, depression, and a host of other maladies; creating a context for people to diet in the proper manner to gain knowledge of the teacher plants; and practicing shamanism in the traditional ways for healing and balance.

POSTSCRIPT

Ceremonies can be like structured emergencies, ritualized dramas that present all manner of emotionally charged situations for healing and integration. They happen in the safety of a supervised setting in response to a powerful medicine and are confined by the time limits of the medicine, not unlike the structure of a longish psychotherapy session. In this case the medicine is the psychotherapist. Much can be learned from a structured and planned mini-psychosis. Experiences of the psyche are reframed and shuffled into a different and more productive configuration.

Here are some of the lessons I learned from my experience with the teacher plant ayahuasca:

•Be grateful without taking anything for granted. Say hello to every little thing and it will say hello back. In this way the world wakes up.

•Amazing beauty is embedded everywhere; it's just overlooked at times. Sometimes an altered state will help reveal that beauty that has hidden behind everyday perception and busyness.

•It is good to question automatic beliefs and reactions. They may have limitations that can be lifted for greater access to power.

•Never underestimate the power of a diet. Real diets may include not just types of food, but dieting from certain types of thoughts, behaviors, addictions, experiences, and ways of perceiving that are limiting.

•Support is all around us. Our animal friends are with us even when they are not physically present.

•Surrendering can be the most productive course of action on the road to power.

EXERCISE

Dieting can be associated with anything. You may diet with food, plants, thoughts, or experiences. Choose something that you are going to do without for a brief period of time (from three to ten days). It may be a tendency toward certain ways of thinking, or drinking coffee, having yogurt or ice cream, drinking sodas, driving your car, watching TV, or hanging out with certain persons. Change it up for a few days. Break up your schedule, do things you have never done before, change your sleep patterns, or what have you. Experience a shift in the routine and observe what happens. What happens when you don’t have your regularly scheduled lunch or dinner? How do you react? What comes up to take its place? What feelings come up inside of you?