Basic Witches: How to Summon Success, Banish Drama, and Raise Hell with Your Coven - Jaya Saxena, Jess Zimmerman 2017

Healing: The Power to Care for Yourself

Taking care of yourself is not a revolutionary concept. But for many women nowadays, even the loving, sustaining maintenance of our own bodies is something we do for others. In our quest for the perfect waistline, the most glowing skin, or the best Runkeeper scores on Facebook, we prioritize looking healthy to others over genuinely feeling good. But when you divorce the pursuit of personal well-being from feelings of obligation and privation, self-care becomes something bigger than self-indulgence, and the pursuit of health goes from exhausting vigilance to invigorating celebration. Which is pretty magical.

The brewing and stewing of so-called witches of the past probably was not for summoning demons or enchanting unsuspecting layfolk to do their bidding. They likely were trying to keep each other healthy, and this tradition of healing and female-driven folk medicine may be where we get the myth of “women’s intuition.” Barred from formal medical or scientific training, female healers spread knowledge of cures and remedies to other women. Nowadays, we might dismiss this kind of homespun advice as innocuous “old wives’ tales” or “home remedies,” but squint, and it definitely resembles witchcraft—a potion of garden herbs that soothes contraction pains, a tea that stops an unbearable headache, and the intuition to give your body what it needs.

For a witch, listening to your body is the most important aspect of health and self-care—certainly more important than trying to whittle it into the “perfect” shape. Drowning out the whispering (or shouting) of a whole culture isn’t easy, so when the noise gets to be too much, think about one of the healers of old—before the suspicion, before the witchcraft accusations, when she was just a woman with the skills and desire to help other women feel better. An intuitive woman, a traveling midwife, a woman wise in the body’s ways. She wants you to be healthy. She will work to make it so. You can follow her.

In this chapter, we’ll discuss how to use your powers to take care of yourself, whether that means accepting your body, finding exercises that make you feel invincible, or embracing the healing power of watching Netflix. Because sometimes that’s the wisest thing you can do.

The Witch’s Pantry

HOW TO CURE WHAT AILS YOU

We’re fans of modern Western medicine. From vaccines to Pap smears to intrauterine devices, the products of medical research and empirical studies have made many lives better (and longer!) and improved public health overall. Needless to say, we hope you seek professional medical help when you’re sick or think you might be sick, as well as for regular maintenance procedures like pelvic exams and management of any long-term conditions.

But as much as it has improved health generally, our medical culture doesn’t work for everyone. Folks whose bodies or relationships to their bodies differ from the average—people who are very thin or even a little bit fat, people with disabilities or chronic illnesses, transgender people, and so forth—can feel especially unwelcome, unnerved, and misunderstood at doctors’ offices. And though many physicians are kind, compassionate, and caring, medical schools and our healthcare system don’t always reward or encourage those traits—plus doctors can be overworked and inattentive just like other humans.

Even when modern medicines work, sometimes side effects can be more debilitating than the original ailment or lead to a game of catch-up: for instance, our friend Nicole told her doctor she didn’t want to take a birth control pill because it made her depressed, so the doctor prescribed her an antidepressant. Had she complained of gaining weight on that antidepressant, she might have found herself with a prescription for Topamax, a migraine medication that is often prescribed to combat antidepressant-related weight gain. When you’re taking pills to deal with the problems caused by pills you take to deal with the problems caused by pills, and you’re not managing any kind of chronic or serious illness, it might be time to step back and get some perspective.

Making use of our modern medical establishment whenever needed is important, but it’s also nice to treat milder symptoms the way wise woman healers might have done. Here’s a tiny pharmacopeia of herbs and home remedies for when you’re a touch under the weather.

Aloe vera

An aloe plant is an even better kitchen multitasker than your combination grater/slicer/Microplane. This spiky succulent will look cute on your windowsill, and when disaster strikes, you can immediately break off a leaf and apply the juice to salve a burn or soothe a minor skin irritation. What’s witchier than making a poultice out of your houseplant? (Aloe is a good moisturizer, too.)

Ginger and peppermint

As tea, in candy, as essential oils, or in other preparations, ginger and peppermint have been shown to reduce nausea, even as a result of morning sickness (ginger) and irritable bowel syndrome (peppermint). Ginger is a more effective seasickness remedy than homeopathic spray, wrist bands, electric shocks on accupressure points, or a placebo (MythBusters confirmed it!).

Cayenne

Once when Jess had a sinus infection, her boyfriend’s mom made her snort a pinch of cayenne pepper. It hurt like hell, but also…kinda worked. Instead of snorting it, we recommend adding cayenne to your tea when you have a cold to fight congestion or combining cayenne, olive oil, and beeswax to make an analgesic salve (the capsaicin in the pepper reduces pain).

Green tea

No, it probably doesn’t prevent cancer or grant you the power to live to a hundred and twenty years old, or whatever, but green tea does have tons of antioxidant compounds called flavonoids, which can prevent cell damage and fight disease. Plus, a hot, healthful drink will leave you feeling alert, relaxed, and happy. Taking a few minutes to make a proper cup of tea—any kind—definitely counts as magical self-care.

Witch hazel and tea tree oil

Witch hazel, which is widely available in drug stores, can be used as an astringent and toner to clean skin and prevent acne, and it might soothe itchy bug bites. Tea tree oil may help prevent acne, too, and take the edge off of bee stings. Sometimes witch hazel is used for more serious skin problems like eczema and psoriasis, and tea tree oil is sometimes recommended as an antifungal. As long as you’re cautious (do not, for instance, take tea tree oil internally!) and willing to opt for a different remedy if things get worse, they might help and pose very little chance of harm.

Turmeric

Sprinkle this anti-inflammatory spice in tea, or mix it with plain yogurt and a little honey and apply it as a face mask. Just don’t leave it on your skin for too long—and definitely don’t put it in a bath—unless you want to spend the rest of your life scrubbing an intense yellow stain off your face or tub (though if you do, lemon juice can help remove the discoloration). Also, according to Jaya’s grandmother, warm milk with turmeric and a good night’s sleep will cure any sickness you feel coming on. And Jaya’s grandmother knows everything.

If you’re combining herbal remedies with conventional medicine, double- check with your doctor or pharmacist about potential serious side effects—for example, St. John’s wort, which has some clinical support as a natural treatment for depression, can also reduce the effectiveness of prescription medications (including birth control pills!). If your chosen herb is considered safe for you, the worst that can happen is nothing. And even if it does nothing, sometimes choosing to treat what’s bothering you is enough to make you feel better on its own.

A SPELL TO

Feel Comfortable Seeing a Doctor

Choose a stuffed animal, toy, action figure, or similar object that’s small enough to fit in your purse or, if you don’t carry one, your pocket. With your finger, draw a caduceus—that twisted-snakes emblem that indicates “medicine”—on the toy. Imagine light trailing your finger as you draw.

The toy is now your medical advocate. It wants you to feel healthy, but not at the expense of your emotional and mental stability. If you’re uncomfortable or confused, or if you disagree with something the doctor is telling you, it will speak up for you. But because it is a toy, you’ll have to speak on its behalf using your own words.

Bring your advocate with you to the appointment. (It doesn’t have to leave your purse or pocket.) When the doctor tells you something, check in silently with your advocate: Did that make sense, or was it confusing? Is the doctor listening to me, or ignoring me? Is the way they’re speaking to me respectful and kind, or brusque and dismissive? Do I feel welcome in this office? Does my gender appear correctly on the intake form? Are there blood pressure cuffs that fit my arm?

If at any point your advocate thinks your doctor is being too opaque, it will give you permission to ask for a clearer explanation. If your advocate thinks your doctor is wrong, it will give you permission to seek a second opinion. And if your advocate thinks you’re being treated badly, it will give you permission to leave. Remember, it wants you to be healthy—but it will also stick up for you, even if you’re too scared. Once your advocate gives you permission to do something, you can do it without fear, because you know you have a backup.

If you do need to leave, though, please tell the doctor “I don’t feel comfortable with how you’re treating me, and I’m going to leave now,” and not “I’m taking advice from my capacity for confident self-advocacy, which I have projected into this Superman figurine.” That could have unforeseen consequences.

“THE HEALING AND HARMLESS witch must die,” wrote William Perkins in his 1618 witch-hunting tome Discourse of the Damned Art of Witchcraft. Besides “those who kill and torment,” he said, the righteous should seek to punish “all good Witches, which do no hurt but good, which do not spoil and destroy, but save and deliver.” He drops the mic with the image of a harmless healer being put to death: “Death therefore is the just and deserved portion of the good Witch.”

According to Perkins, healer witches were dangerous precisely because they were so beloved and vital. They performed a much-needed service for the community, and that distracted people from the fact that all witches had made a pact with the devil. How could you tell they’d made a pact with the devil? Why, because they possessed healing powers, of course.

The real source of their power was probably less satanic covenant and more actual knowledge. In Witches, Midwives, and Nurses, historians Barbara Ehrenreich and Deirdre English write that in ancient and medieval Europe, wise women were crucial, valued, beloved contributors to society who refined and administered effective folk remedies (including birthing, contraception, and abortions) for centuries with no issue. But once medicine became an exclusive, men-only academic profession around the thirteenth century, healer women were suddenly shunned as malign satanic influences.

The situation was a classic patriarchal double bind: women could be dragged to court for practicing medicine without having studied it, but they were also prohibited from studying medicine. Not that studying made you a more effective healer back then—quite the opposite, in fact. Where the wise women based their remedies in empirical observation, medieval universities taught based on theology and ancient texts—what worked was what Aristotle said worked hundreds of years ago, not techniques you’d effectively used to cure sick people. Here’s a typical “witch” remedy, according to Ehrenreich and English: “Belladonna—still used today as an anti-spasmodic—was used by the witch-healers to inhibit uterine contractions when miscarriage threatened.” Here’s one from the schools: “A frequent treatment for leprosy was a broth made of the flesh of a black snake caught in a dry land among stones.” But sure, fellas, your medicine sounds very special and good and not like magic at all.

These days, women are much better represented in academic medicine—a third of doctors and nearly half of medical students are women—but the Western medical establishment still sneers at folk remedies and midwifery. And yet empirical observation, so prized by today’s physicians and scientists, has long been a hallmark of these hands-on traditions—noticing what works for which ailments is just the good old scientific method. Studies have found that, for healthy mothers, midwife-assisted births are less risky in several ways, and many alternative medicines have been shown to be effective (even if only as placebos). Is it too much to hope that folk traditions and established medical practices could be used together to keep people healthy? Maybe we should just celebrate that healing witches are no longer being put to death…which is definitely not a healthy decision.

A SPELL TO

Accept Compliments

In 2015, twenty-year-old Claire Boniface performed a social experiment: Whenever a man sent her a compliment on a dating website, she’d agree with it. The results were swift and startling—men instantly retracted or reversed the compliments as soon as she accepted them. (Here’s a representative case: “Well you’re bloody cute aren’t ya,” says an unnamed man. “Yes,” says Boniface. “Not really,” he snaps back.) When she shared the results on her Tumblr, the post went viral, and other women re-created the experiment to much the same results.

Gaining (or regaining) control over your self-confidence isn’t easy—it feels almost out of your hands. Patriarchal culture needs women to stay anxious, on edge, and constantly seeking approval, and grants the power to give that approval to men only. But Boniface has given us words of power: Yes, I am. Thank you, I know. This spell builds on those simple, positive statements and can help incorporate loving (or not hating—baby steps!) your looks as a powerful part of your witchcraft practice.

Go outside on a clear day when the sun is high, ideally sometime between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. Choose a quiet and peaceful outdoor spot where you feel at ease and where you’ll be relatively alone. (If you live in a city, don’t worry: people being a bit weird in public parks usually get a wide berth.) Find a spot to sit, or remain standing if you prefer.

Hold up the mirror with its nonreflective surface toward you and its reflective surface toward the sun, so that your face is in shadow. Say the first compliment on the list out loud: for instance, “you have beautiful eyes.” You can say it under your breath if there are people around.

Slowly lower the mirror, turning it so that it reflects the light of the sun back up toward your face. (Don’t look at the mirror! Just feel the light reflected on your skin.) Repeat the compliment, but this time in your own words: “I have beautiful eyes.” As you say it, concentrate on the warmth of the sun. Imagine yourself soaking up the praise the way your skin soaks up warmth.

Repeat for each positive trait on the list. When you’ve completed the list, repeat the following three times:

I will not deflect.

I will reflect.

For the next two weeks, whenever you get a genuine compliment, lift and then lower your arm as if moving the mirror (if you are in private) or picture yourself making that motion (if you are in public). Imagine your skin feeling the warmth of the sun, and bask in the warmth of the praise. And then say “thank you.”

A SPELL TO

Make Peace with Your Body

The pin-filled, people-shaped pillows that Western society knows as voodoo dolls don’t have much to do with the Haitian religious magical practice of vodou. But using little effigies for magic is a long-standing practice: witches in Europe were regularly accused of working malign spells using figures made of wax or cloth, and the ancient Egyptians would fill their tombs with small models of the servants, animals, and amenities they wanted to bring into the afterlife. In the case of this spell, you’ll be pouring the magic into a figure that represents you.

Using the modeling clay, build a figure that represents the ideal body you’ve always thought you “should” have. (You can use Play-Doh, Sculpey, or homemade salt dough made with 1 part salt, 2 parts water, and 4 parts flour.) As you build, think about all the things you’ve denied yourself or thought you didn’t deserve because of how your body looks. Think of all the things you would have done if you’d had a “perfect” body.

Close your eyes and smash the figure in your hands. Then start rolling it into a ball between your palms, keeping your eyes closed, and picture the ball beginning to glow with the concentrated essence of perfection and potential. Hold it in front of you, and picture it glowing brighter and brighter. On the face of the ball, imagine a symbol taking form. Open your eyes and draw that symbol on the paper so you don’t forget it. If you don’t see a symbol, just draw whatever comes into your head when you first open your eyes. This represents your ideal body, a body that can do whatever it wants.

Remodel the clay into a figure that looks like you—your actual body, the way it is today. Don’t exaggerate, but also don’t flatter: make it as detailed and realistic as possible. As you build, think again about what you would have done if you’d had a perfect body. Imagine yourself doing those things right now, with the body you have.

On every part of the figure that you dislike on your real body, use the sharp tool to draw the symbol you saw. Anoint every one of those parts with the symbol of perfection and potential, recognizing that you are capable as you are. You can use this incantation to focus your thoughts:

Only I can stop me

And I refuse to stop me

This is my body

This is a perfect body

Place the figure on top of, beneath, or near a mirror you use regularly. Leave it there for a week. Before each time you look in the mirror, touch the figure and imagine it glowing again.

Kitchen Witchery

NOURISH YOUR BODY AND MIND WITH FOOD SPELLS

Chances are, if you’re like most people, you practice a certain type of magic every day, several times a day. You apply forces to change the shape and texture of things. You fashion something new out of raw ingredients (sometimes with the aid of a literal bubbling cauldron). And eventually, you digest it and use it to create a new self. Yes, cooking is magic, even if all you did was microwave a frozen burrito.

Cooking doesn’t come naturally to everyone, but no matter how simple or complicated your kitchen witching is, you can apply magic to it. Even if you’re making something as simple as microwave popcorn for a friend, you can think about the good things in your friendship becoming even better with each pop, and voilà: magic. Whatever energy you give off is absorbed by the food, and then by whoever eats it. The effect may not be as immediate as in that terrible movie Simply Irresistible, where Sarah Michelle Gellar plays a witch who infuses emotion into her food (seriously, there’s a magic crab in it or something), but there’s no denying that food affects our feelings.

You can craft your kitchen adventures around specific ingredients, too, whether you use foods that are believed to have specific, semimagical properties—like the purported aphrodisiac effects of oysters, chocolate, pomegranates, and asparagus—or ordinary ingredients. Honey promotes love and wisdom. Garlic is used for health and protection. Dill is a powerful herb for intensifying whatever spell you’re already using. And if you want your problems to disappear, imagine chipping away at them as you eat blueberries one by one.

For even more complex and potent food magic, try these recipes—no magic crab needed.

IF YOU WANT to chill out

MAKE warm milk with honey

Jaya’s dad made this for her as a kid when she couldn’t sleep. To this day it has a calming effect. (Also, honey is a natural antiseptic. Dab it on cuts or zits for healing power.)

Fill a mug with your favorite kind of milk, and then pour it into a small saucepan. Add a tablespoon of honey, and place it over low heat, stirring often so the honey dissolves. When it reaches a simmer, remove from heat and pour the milk back into the mug. Next, sit wherever you plan to drink your beverage, and hold the mug in both hands, feeling the warmth begin to radiate up your arms. Look into the milk, and recite the following:

Let my mind be calm

My nerves quiet

Muscles smooth as silk

Let my body fill up

With warmth and peace

From this honey and milk

IF YOU WANT to nurture a friendship

MAKE hot milk chocolate

Milk chocolate has nurturing power, especially when it comes to friendship. Also, it’s milk chocolate, so we probably don’t have to sell you on it (unless you’re allergic, in which case, please don’t make yourself sick for the sake of a spell). You can share milk chocolate with a friend in lots of ways, like buying a bar and eating it together. However, hot chocolate has the potential to enhance the bonding, especially if the weather is cold and warm blankets are involved.

First, grate a bar of milk chocolate until you have about 2 ounces (about ½ cup) of grated chocolate. (You can add some dark chocolate if you like, but for maxiumum potency use mostly milk.) Next, warm 2 cups of milk in a small saucepan (aka your cauldron) over medium heat. When the milk reaches a simmer, reduce the heat to low, add 1 teaspoon of brown sugar, and stir until it dissolves.

Now sprinkle the grated chocolate into the milk mixture and stir while visualizing yourself and your friend: a particularly meaningful conversation you’ve had, a fond memory of a fun shared experience, or just all the things you like about the person. If you’re making the hot chocolate together, say these things out loud!

When the chocolate is dissolved, add a pinch of salt, both for spiritual cleansing and because it strengthens the chocolate flavor. As you add the salt, speak or think this incantation:

Friends for now

Friends forever

May the elements tie us together

IF YOU WANT to attract a lover

MAKE baked apples with cinnamon

You know what’s warm, comforting, and a little tingly and spicy? Cinnamon. You know what else fits that description? The feeling of having a new crush. Maybe that’s why the spice is associated with fire and the sun and is used often in spells to draw love. Apples, too, are used for love, partially because of their connotation as the sexy “forbidden fruit.” (The actual forbidden fruit of the Bible was probably closer to a pomegranate, but those don’t work as well with cinnamon.)

This spell works especially well if you have access to an open fire, such as in a fireplace or at a backyard bonfire gathering of your coven. If not, you can make it in the oven (though there’s less space for wild dancing in your kitchen).

In a small bowl, combine ¼ teaspoon of cinnamon and 1 tablespoon of brown sugar. Core an apple (a sturdy, tart one works best, like Granny Smith or Fuji) and fill the core with the cinnamon mixture. Wrap the apple in tinfoil, and place it in the embers of a fire to cook for about 7 minutes. If you don’t have an open fire, preheat an oven to 350°F, place the stuffed apple in an ovenproof dish, and bake for 15 minutes.

As the apple cooks, stare into the embers (or close your eyes if you’re baking in an oven) and picture your crush. Envision that the warmth currently radiating onto you is radiating onto them, filling them with the fire you feel within and making them aware that it’s coming from you. Carefully remove the apple from the fire or oven and let it cool for around 3 minutes, or until cool enough to handle.

Sit cross-legged on the ground (or floor) and hold the apple with both hands. Eat it as messily as you can. Grunt and hum as you chew, and let the sugar and cinnamon dribble down your hands. Let yourself feel wild and magnetic. And the next time you see your crush, remember just how carnal you were in this moment.

IF YOU WANT boundless energy

MAKE banana ice cream

With the power of electricity and sharp knives, you can transform fruit into a one-ingredient soft serve ice cream. Bananas are associated with heroic energy and protection, as are blenders (yes, witches have given power to blenders), so make this to motivate yourself to achieve greatness.

Slice 2 bananas, place them in a zip-top freezer bag, and seal the bag. Freeze until bananas are very firm (probably overnight). In a food processor or blender, blend the frozen banana slices for 3 to 5 minutes, until the texture resembles soft-serve ice cream.

While plain bananas are delicious, you can further enhance the power of this dessert with flavorings: chopped cherries for love, honey for happiness, or coconut for mental flexibility.

IF YOU WANT beauty

MAKE guacamole

The avocado is a very femme fruit, associated with Venus and the element of water, both of which make it useful in spells pertaining to love and beauty. It has nonmagical beautifying qualities, too; its high fat content makes for a great natural face or hair mask. But by enchanting the fruit and ingesting it, you can fill yourself up with that beautifying power to make you feel as pretty and charming as you already are.

Start by enchanting the avocado. Slice it in half while saying what you want to happen, such as “I want to feel radiant” or “I want others to notice how beautiful I know I am.” Remove and reserve the pit, then slice the avocado flesh in the skin and spoon the flesh from the skin into a bowl. Add half of a freshly chopped tomato (seeds and juices removed), 1 minced serrano chili, 2 tablespoons minced red onion, 1 tablespoon fresh lime juice, 1 tablespoon chopped cilantro, and salt and pepper to taste. Mix with a fork while repeating your enchantment, and eat with whatever chips make you feel like a babe. When you’ve finished the guac, wash and dry the pit and carry it with you for a week to keep the gorgeous vibes going.

If all this symbolism and emotion isn’t quite your style, you can simply think of cooking as a form of therapeutic creation. You start with nothing and, by solving one problem at a time, wind up with something beautiful, or delicious, or maybe just edible. No matter how it turns out, you’ve brought something new into the world.

Magical Exercise

HOW TO BECOME ONE FIT WITCH

Exercise can—and should—be a way of taking care of yourself: physical activity not only gets your body strong and limber, but also helps your brain combat depression and anxiety. But it might not feel that way if your exercise routine consists solely of joyless hours spent trudging on the treadmill. Too often, we treat exercise like a boring, slightly bitter-tasting medicine that’s supposed to make us feel better afterward.

A spoonful of sugar may help actual medicine go down, but it’s not the greatest incentive for exercise. What if instead you bribed yourself with a spoonful of swords?

Okay, you are not literally going to swallow swords. (That’s a whole other thing.) But you can learn how to brandish them. If you’re bored with your everyday workout, consider picking up an unconventional physical activity—especially one that teaches you some unruly woman skills. Like alchemy, the exertion and the new skill training combine to make your exercise routine enjoyable. Here are a few ideas (appropriate for a few different levels of physical ability) for workouts that will not only energize your body and mind but also leave you with new witchy skills.

Swordplay: If you dream of being not only a sorceress but a magic-wielding warrior, look for classes in fencing, kendo, or even longsword (google “historical European martial arts” plus your city or town). Be prepared: you’re in for some heavy-duty bruising once you start to spar. But if you’re the kind of person who likes hitting other people with swords, you’ll probably love it. (Jess is the kind of person who likes hitting other people with swords and is confident about this point.)

Dance: Any kind of dance will help you feel graceful and at home in your body—not to mention more confident at midnight coven boogies in the moonlit woods. Jess does belly dance, which is great for proprioception and bodily control because you learn to isolate different muscle groups; Jaya does pole dance, which increases strength and flexibility, as well as sexiness. But maybe you want to do flamenco, hip-hop, or salsa—lots of dance styles can increase power and grace, and many are appropriate for a range of skill levels and physical capabilities.

Contact juggling: If you’ve seen David Bowie in Labyrinth rolling a crystal ball between his hands in a way that’s almost as magical and mesmerizing as his tight pants, you’re familiar with contact juggling. It’s the sport of choice for crystal gazers and goblin kings alike. (Also, you can juggle and jog, which is known as “joggling.” Not making that up.)

Aerials: You’re a witch, so why not learn to fly? Aerials—tricks and artistry on equipment like trapeze and hanging silks—is a physically demanding pursuit, like a cross between ballet and rock climbing. But you don’t have to be a stunning athlete to try it—you just need a lot of determination. Jess has a friend who made a New Year’s resolution to be able to do one single pull-up, and by the end of the year she had started taking an aerials class. Two years later, she was performing. (And yeah, she could do a pull-up, but more importantly she could hold herself in the air on a trapeze.)

Quidditch: Until we can fly around on broomsticks, the next best thing may be a sport in which people run around with broomsticks between their legs, pretending to fly. Quidditch, of course, comes from the world of Harry Potter, where it involves flying and magic—but there are real-world leagues too, which rely on the magic of imagination and endorphins. (And real athletic prowess—the U.S. Quidditch website describes the sport as a combination of rugby, dodgeball, and tag.) Playing quidditch may not teach you to ride a broomstick, but it offers ample training in another important witch skill: not giving a shit if other people think you look ridiculous. Check out www.usquidditch.org to find a team near you.

Shuffleboard: Nowadays, we may think of shuffleboard as a sport reserved for grandpas, but it has a rebellious, witchy history (plus it offers a pretty good shoulder workout). According to one of her descendants, Bridget Bishop, who was accused of witchcraft in Salem, Massachusetts, was an outspoken woman who spent a lot of time hanging out with sailors in her tavern. As if that weren’t bad enough, she had the audacity “to entertain people in her house at unseasonable hours in the night to keep drinking and playing at shuffleboard, whereby discord did arise in other families, and young people were in danger to be corrupted,” according to Paul Boyer and Stephen Nissenbaum in Salem Possessed.

WITCH CALISTHENICS

1.

Stirring the cauldron

While standing, hold your arms straight out to your sides and rotate your hands in small circles, first forward and then backward.

2.

Raising the dead

Lie on your back with knees bent and use your core muscles to lift your shoulders off the floor. Keep your feet flat on the ground and your eyes on the ceiling. Repeat.

3.

Light as a feather, stiff as a board

Lie on your stomach. Keeping your body in a straight line, support yourself on your hands and toes. Your hands should be directly under your shoulders.

4.

The broomstick

Stand with feet parallel and shoulder width apart. Bend your knees as close to 90 degrees as possible, pushing your hands out in front of you and your butt in the opposite direction. Repeat.

5.

The flying monkey

Stand with feet 4 to 5 feet apart, and rotate one foot out. Turn your torso to face that side, and bend the front knee to a 90-degree angle. Don’t let your knee go past your foot. Repeat on both sides.

6.

Possession

Lie facedown on the ground, then lift your shoulders, arms, and legs as far as you can. Lower and repeat.

A RITUAL FOR

A Relaxing Netflix Binge

Good television and movies are a conduit to other worlds, experiences, and lives: a fictional little boy with superpowers, or a lonely teenage girl, or a rich family a thousand miles away. Immersing yourself in their universe via Netflix binge can transport you not only mentally, but also emotionally. There is also catharsis in watching bad television, which can provide the healing magic of putting yourself not just elsewhere, but nowhere. Because although spells and witchcraft may be all about stimulating the brain, sometimes you just want your brain to turn off.

The trick, however, is to watch without judgment. Society puts so much pressure on us to be constantly productive—even our time to ourselves is supposed to be mentally or physically stimulating. A ritual is the perfect way to create the accepting space needed for this ultimate disappearing act.

Sit cross-legged and throw the blanket over your head, so your whole body is completely covered. Close your eyes, and envision the blanket slowly turning into a warm, golden ball of light. Then begin to hum, imagining all your stress, guilt, or other concerns emanating from your body and into the golden ball, where they break apart and disappear.

As the stress leaves your body, envision the golden light entering, filling you up and making every cell radiate. Take stock of your emotions: Would a sad movie make you feel sadder, or do you want to revel in those feelings? Do you want the comfort of watching a show you’ve seen a dozen times, or are you ready to try something new?

When you feel like you have a good sense of what you want to watch, emerge from the blanket, and take a bite of your snack. You are now ready to start watching.