Magical Almanac: Practical Magic for Everyday Living - Lauryn Heineman 2018

Processing Grief by Charlynn Walls
Water Magic

Though death is a part of the natural cycle of life, it is still a difficult process to navigate through. It can be especially painful for those individuals who have lost a spouse, child, sibling, or parent. While I have written on the topic of death and dying previously in the almanac, those essays were geared toward getting over the initial shock of the loss.

We will discuss what happens beyond that devastating event. What do we do after the initial shock has passed and we try to move forward again? As we all know, grief is a process that must be worked through. Grief does not always abate quickly or easily. It is sometimes necessary to take it one day at a time.

One Day at a Time

Each day brings new opportunities for change along with the challenges. Some days are much easier than others. I lived with my grandmother while I attended college directly after high school. She and I were very close. While I was not present for the episode that required her transportation to the hospital, I was the one who held the hospital staff accountable for following her living will. There were days that I felt comfortable with that decision. On those days breathing seemed easier. There were also days when I questioned if I should have gone a different route, and one of those days was a burden I carried like a lead weight on my chest.

There were times when I lacked motivation to proceed with my daily life. I had to do small daily meditations that gave me a moment to focus and recharge so that I could face the mundane tasks of the day. One daily devotion that I started after the passing of my grandmother was to greet the day. I literally faced the day as it broke over the horizon and absorbed the light and energy from the Sun. Now, I realize not everyone wakes at dawn. On those days when I could sleep in I did, and when I woke I would do the same thing. That daily devotion allowed me the ability to get out of bed, and, believe me, it was sometimes a

challenge.

Personal Care

This leads into the importance of self-care. We are kind to those around us and take their feelings into consideration. However, we rarely afford ourselves the same consideration. It will take you a while to feel like yourself again. That is okay. You may also feel like you are not quite ready to face the world. That is okay. You will know when the time is right for you to reemerge.

In the meantime, you can do small things for yourself:

Rest: Take the time to rest. There are many times when we throw ourselves into work or other activities to take our minds off the loss, but this can have negative health effects. Go to bed at the same time each night. Even though you may not be able to sleep at first, you will find that your body will relax a little more each night you do this. Finally, sleep will come.

Eat: I know the thought of food can be repulsive when you are in the throes of grief. However, if you do not at least take small bites of food here and there, you will run yourself down. If you are run down, your immune system becomes compromised and you are more prone to illness. You are not good to yourself or others if you are sick.

Exercise: If your mind will not quit racing, give it something to think about. This might be lifting weights, running, or just taking a walk around the block. I often go for a walk on the walking path near my home when my mind is mulling over a problem. The physical activity makes me tired, and then it is often easier to rest. It provides the added benefit of physical strength and health.

Take Some Downtime: This suggestion can be the hardest for us to do. Downtime looks different to everyone. This can be a day off from work to do an enjoyable activity. I personally like to read, as it allows me to enter another realm, where my problems no longer exist. This could also be seeing a movie or hanging out with friends. It could also be an hour of quiet solitude. Whatever lets you unwind, take the time to do it, and it will help you to recharge and prepare for another day.

Grief Jar Ritual

In addition to the mundane things we can do to help us cope in our time of need, we can also take a magickal approach. Rituals help us traverse intense feelings and can bring an element of clarity.

You will need:

Altar

Empty dish

30 dark-colored stones (These should fit in your pocket and hand easily.)

Large jar (Size is dependent on the size of the stones you choose, though a large quart-size mason jar works well for this purpose.)

Dark-colored cloth or dark-colored cloth pouch (to store the stones in before carrying them with you)

Container of black salt

Dish of water

Gather all the items that you need prior to beginning the ritual and place them on the altar. I recommend that you place the empty vessel in the center of the altar with the pouch or cloth with the stones directly behind it. You can then place the black salt to the left and the water to the right side of the empty vessel. This allows for easy access to all the components for mixing and blessing items.

The first step will be for you to cast a simple circle. I suggest that you cast the circle in the manner you feel the most comfortable with. When I do this, I tend to close my eyes and envision myself surrounded by a sphere of white light. I can make my circle as small or wide as I need. Make sure that you have enough room for the altar and for you to work comfortably. Once you have established your circle, take a deep breath and exhale.

Call the quarters. Feel free to create your own quarter calls or expand on what is provided here. I typically begin in the north based on my experience in the tradition I follow. You may have a reason for calling the quarters in a different order, and that is fine.

North: Hail to the guardians of the north, the guardians of stability and strength. Grant me the ability to find firm footing along this unstable path. Welcome!

East: Hail to the guardians of the east, the guardians of knowledge and transitions. Grant me the understanding to accept the changes that are in motion. Welcome!

South: Hail to the guardians of the south, the guardians of will and action. Grant me the ability to continue moving forward. Welcome!

West: Hail to the guardians of the west, the guardians of emotion and healing. Grant me serenity in the eye of the storm. Welcome!

Invite in the God and Goddess. You can use any pantheon that you are comfortable working with. I suggest using deities associated with transitions and the underworld as they are appropriate to deal with death and dying.

Lord and Lady, gather near and offer your insight and council. Welcome!

Face your altar and the items that you have gathered. You will now want to bless and charge the stones so that they are ready for their purpose of absorbing negativity and grief. Take the black salt and water from their separate vessels and combine them in the empty dish. Once they have been mixed together and the salt has dissolved, sprinkle the mixture onto the stones while chanting the following. The stones are now cleansed and ready to be blessed and charged.

Chant,

Lord and Lady, feel my anguish and despair; lessen my load and make it easier to bear.

Once you feel that enough energy has been raised, you can release it and direct it into the stones. They are now blessed and charged for their purpose.

Now it is time to release the quarters.

Lord and Lady, thank you for lifting my burden and making the journey easier. Stay if you will; go if you must.

West: Guardians of the west, thank you for helping me find my emotional balance. Hail and farewell.

South: Guardians of the south, thank you for enabling me to push past the paralyzing fear of the unknown. Hail and farewell.

East: Guardians of the east, thank you for the ability to approach the situation with a rational mind. Hail and farewell.

North: Guardians of the north, thank you for providing me strength to go on. Hail and farewell.

Finally, it is time to close the circle. Close your eyes and hold in your mind the white sphere of your sacred space. Watch the sphere shrink and dissolve into a thin line of a glowing circle around you. See it weaken in intensity until the sphere is completely gone. Take a cleansing breath and release it as the last of the circle dissipates.

Though the stones are now prepared, the real work is set to begin. Each day that you get up and go about your day you will take a stone from the pouch that they were in and place it in your pocket or purse. Carry it with you. This is a daily reminder of the grief you also carry. You can feel the weight of it in your hand or as you carry it in your pocket. As you feel those momentary spikes in your anxiety or despair, funnel it into the stone.

At the end of the day take five minutes to reflect on those times during the day that you felt overwhelmed. Understand that it was a momentary feeling but that you will never forget your loved one. When you feel ready to let go of the day and the grief associated with it, place the stone in the jar. Notice that your chest feels lighter, it is easier to breathe, and your mood lightens as you do so.

Each day you will repeat the processes. At the end of the month you will need to take the jar and let moving water run over the stones to cleanse them of the despair and remaining grief. You will remove the metal lid from the mason jar and replace that with the cloth or pouch you used to store the stones in and fit the metal ring around that. This creates a semipermeable membrane that will allow water to flow in and out.

You can utilize water running from your faucet in your bathroom or you can visit a nearby creek, stream, or river and allow natural water to run across the stones. Either way, you will want to hold the jar in the running water and visualize the emotions that you stored in the stone being released and flowing out of the stones and away from you.

You can continue the daily and monthly process until you feel you are relieved of your burden. At this time, you could open the jar and deposit the stones permanently into a stream to truly let go of the grief.

Conclusions

Mentally, I feel that we understand that life follows the cycles of life, death, and rebirth. Emotionally, it can be much more difficult to let go of the person we loved. We miss their spirit, laughter, and companionship. We have to go on doing the work of living even after those individuals have left us.

The work of living after loss is a process. Each day has its own unique set of experiences and choices. We must be willing to feel the emotions and work through them. Only by doing so will we be free to move forward.