NEGATIVE VOICES: SILENCING YOUR INNER WHINER - The First Key Ingredient: Wow Now - Cash in a Flash: Fast Money in Slow Times - Mark Victor Hansen, Robert G. Allen

Cash in a Flash: Fast Money in Slow Times - Mark Victor Hansen, Robert G. Allen (2009)

Part I. The First Key Ingredient: Wow Now

Chapter 5. NEGATIVE VOICES: SILENCING YOUR INNER WHINER

Welcome back. So, what did you learn?

Do you have an I voice, a you voice, or a we voice?

You might be wondering to yourself, “I wonder why they’re asking me these kinds of questions.”

Did you catch that?

If you said those words to yourself, then your voice is an I/me/my/mine voice. Your high school English teacher would have called this voice first-person singular.

On the other hand, you may have wondered to yourself, “Why are these guys asking you these kinds of questions?” If so, your second-person singular/plural voice would use you/your/yours.

It’s possible that you use the first-person plural, as in we/us/our/ours.

First-person singular

I-me-my-mine

Second-person singular/plural

you-your-yours

First-person plural

we-us-our-ours

Is there an ideal way to talk to yourself?

That’s a good question… which we won’t answer at this time. This was just an exercise to help you become more aware of your chattering mind. First, just notice how you are communicating with yourself. Later on, we’ll show you how to become more single-minded. Continue to monitor your dialogue from time to time throughout the day.

Did you hear any other voices as you were tuning in to the conversations going on in your mind?

We have asked audiences worldwide this question: “How many of you have a critical voice?” Almost every hand goes up. Let us ask you, the reader, this same question: “Do you have a critical voice?” Have you ever noticed a nagging, judgmental voice that speaks to you—berates you or brings you down?

Is it the same voice as the self-dialogue you noticed during your assignment yesterday? Ask yourself that question right now. Don’t say it out loud, think it. Ask yourself: “Is the self-dialogue voice the same voice as the critical voice?”

Hmmmmmm… interesting question, isn’t it? Could there be two different voices in your mind? The first one is just your normal, internal thinking voice. The voice you use every day to think through problems and solutions—the part of you that ponders, wonders, questions, and otherwise just thinks.

Often, there is a more negative voice—a critical voice. This voice is your inner critic, your Inner Whiner. It talks you out of things that are good for you: “Who do you think you are? You can’t do that. It’s too scary. Do it tomorrow.” And when you don’t do them, it criticizes you for not doing them: “What’s the matter with you? You should have done it yesterday when you had the opportunity. What an idiot!” It gets you coming and going!

Or it talks you into something that isn’t good for you: “Come on. You can do it. Just this once. It won’t hurt. No one will know.” And when you do it, it beats you up for having done it: “That was stupid. What got into you? You’re such a screw-up. You’re worthless.”

THE INNER WHINER

Do you have a critical voice? Take a moment to notice it. Remember a time when you got down on yourself for something you either did or didn’t do. Notice where this voice “talks” to you. Become more aware of it. Specifically, where is it? Actually point to the spot where your inner critic resides. When we ask audiences to point to the place where they hear the critical voice, the vast majority of people point to their head.

Who is this critical voice—this Inner Whiner? Whose voice is it? Is that voice you? Why would you talk to yourself that way? What positive outcome is your critical voice trying to achieve?

As you did before, imagine that there was a volume control dial in your mind where you could raise or lower the volume of your critical voice.

Play with that dial for a minute. Turn the volume of your critical voice louder. Notice how you feel when the volume of that voice plays louder in your mind. People report that they feel angrier, more pressured, less in control, more confused. It can even become painful.

Now do just the opposite. Lower the volume of your critical voice. Make the sound so faint that you have difficulty hearing it. Now, how does that feel? Most people report that a sense of peace comes over them when the noise from their critical voice is turned off. They’re happier, less overwhelmed, less confused.

Throughout the day, notice how many times your critical voice interjects itself into your thoughts. When you become aware of your critical voice, ponder this question: “Is this critical voice my friend or my enemy? Does it want me to win or lose? Does it want me to succeed or fail?”

In our opinion…

The critical voice is not your friend.

The most important lesson is to become aware that there is an enemy in there that doesn’t want you to win. As soon as you recognize the effects of this enemy, you can quickly gain control by turning down the volume.

What does this talk about voices in our head have to do with your success? Suppose you’ve been mixing all the right success ingredients in the right proportions, but all of a sudden you feel a wave of anxiety come over you. You begin to doubt whether or not you can do it. You’re wondering to yourself, “What makes you think you can do this? Who do you think you are? What if you fail? Don’t do it.” You find yourself feeling depressed, heavy, upset. Your motivation to move forward is gone. Your enthusiasm wanes. You wonder where it went.

Suddenly, you realize what happened. You become aware of your inner world. It was this nagging inner voice in your head that caused you to doubt yourself. You pause. Dial down the volume on that critical voice and calm your mind. Notice the connection between your feelings of discouragement and the presence of a nagging critical voice.

According to experts, everyone has a critical voice.

Dr. Robert W. Firestone further explains in his book Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice:

The critical inner voice exists to varying degrees in every person. It undermines our ability to interpret events realistically, triggers negative moods, and sabotages our pursuit of satisfaction and meaning in life. The voice essentially keeps us locked into our defense systems, while our healthier side (the real self) strives for freedom from the constraints of these defenses. These destructive internalized thoughts lead to a sense of alienation—a feeling of being removed from ourselves and distant from those we love. When we believe the negative interpretations of the voice and fail to challenge them—that is, when we “listen” to the voice—we tend to act in ways that have negative consequences for us.

Some people have a loud, insistent voice that makes their life miserable. For others, the voice is barely beneath their awareness.

When the critical voice speaks in your mind (if you notice it), what volume level does it use (from 1 to 10)? If your life is not plagued with such a critical voice, feel blessed. If you were to eavesdrop into the minds of many of the people you see today, it would shock you.

Your critical voice might be wondering why we’re spending so much time asking these seemingly strange questions about voices. Okay, let’s give you some rationale. Suppose an ordinary reader of this book is anxious to get started and flips ahead to the chapters on moneymaking strategies. She’s looking for a kick-butt method for earning some serious cash in no time flat. She’s broke and on her way to bust. She doesn’t have time for all of this psychological mumbo-jumbo.

She devours the moneymaking chapters, and now all she has to do is to take action. We’ve seen it over and over again. Her critical voice starts to kick in… activating a host of negative emotions, including fear, doubt, and worry. It’s almost as if there’s an opponent in there that is trying to talk her out of moving forward. This opponent doesn’t want her to win! So she hesitates, second-guesses herself, procrastinates. And nothing gets done!

She knows what to do. She just doesn’t know how to get herself to do it!

Not everyone is like this. A few gifted people just seem to get things done. They aren’t distracted by fears or doubts. The vast majority of the rest of us are plagued by self-doubt, worry, and fear. We spend an enormous amount of time getting ready to take action and worrying about the fear of rejection and failure—and get very little done. It’s time to become single-mindedly focused on getting through the fears and getting more results!

To be single-mindedly focused means refusing to be distracted by anything. First, don’t be distracted by the critical voices in your own head. Second, don’t be distracted by the critical voices that are screaming in the minds of many of the people around you. They profess to be concerned for your safety, but often they’re just repeating aloud the words spoken by their own internal critical voice.

Often your critical voice floods you with a myriad of reasons why your project won’t work. Yeah, that sounds like a great idea, but you aren’t prepared for that kind of growth. Better wait till next month, when you’ll have more time.

Yeah, but…

But is one of the favorite words of your critical voice. Often, whatever reason follows the word but is just an excuse to stop your progress. There is a free, downloadable illustrated book that shares a humorous message. It’s called The Devil Only Knows One Word by James Skinner, Mark Victor Hansen, and Roice Kruger.

Here is the entire text of the book:

THE DEVIL ONLY KNOWS ONE WORD… BUT!

But, I’m not old enough.

But, I’m just a kid.

But, I’m not popular.

But, I didn’t graduate from college.

But, I don’t have any experience.

But, I don’t have enough money.

But, I’m too busy.

But, I’m not pretty enough.

But, I’m not handsome enough.

But, there’s too much competition.

But, somebody is already doing it.

But, my boss doesn’t agree with me.

But, the economy is so bad.

But, it’s so hard.

But, I’m too old.

But, it’s too late.

Stop listening! Before it’s too late…

Download a fully illustrated copy of this excellent book by visiting our website at www.cashinaflashthebook.com/gift.

Someone once said, “If you really want something, you’ll find a way. If you really don’t, you’ll find an excuse.” Your critical voice is the master of excuses. Anything to divert you.

So let us ask you again: how did that critical voice get in there? Is it just part of being human? Is that voice you? Why would you say those kinds of destructive things to yourself? It is your ego? Your anti-self? Your parents’ voices? Frankly, there are many professional opinions.

Here is our unprofessional opinion. For whatever reason, your critical voice is not your friend. It doesn’t want you to win. It primarily wants you to lose. It will try to talk you out of your growth and happiness. And then, having succeeded in stopping you, it will berate you for not having the courage to act.

For some people, just hearing this voice creates a flood of negative feelings and emotions, such as fear, anxiety, worry, apprehension, dread, panic, low self-esteem, worthlessness, not-good-enoughness, unworthiness, undeservedness, guilt, blame, self-reproach, and shame.

CRITICAL SELF-TALK

NEGATIVE EMOTIONS

“What will happen if the market turns? You could lose everything.”

Fear, anxiety, worry, apprehension, dread, panic

“You don’t know enough to pull this off. Whom are you trying to kid?”

Low self-esteem, feeling worthless, feeling not good enough, feeling unworthy, feeling undeserving

“You’re always only thinking of yourself. You’re so selfish.”

Guilt, blame, self-reproach, shame

Suppose you knew a person who professed to be your friend. She seemed to give you good advice from time to time, but upon reflecting, you began to notice that this so-called friend took every opportunity to subtly bring you down and make you feel fear, low self-esteem, and guilt. How long would you hang around a person like that? You’d likely drop that relationship the moment you became aware of it.

Suppose you were getting ready to run a marathon, but your friend kept nagging at you: “I doubt you’ll be able to finish. You haven’t trained enough to make it. Only masochists go through this kind of pain to run a silly race. You could hurt yourself. You waited till too late to get started, better wait till next year.” How long would you hang around that so-called friend? Not very long.

That’s what we’re encouraging you to do with your critical voice. Don’t spend another minute listening to it.

How do you do that?

Well, if you’re like most of us, you’ve become rather accustomed to listening to your critical voice, under the false assumption that since it was in your own mind, it must be part of you and is trying to help you and give you sound advice. Your critical voice is not the real you. It is not your friend. It is not your conscience.

THE INNER WINNER

There is ANOTHER voice that we’ll train you to listen to called your True Voice that IS your true self, IS your friend, IS your conscience. Learning to listen to your Inner Winner is a almost a spiritual process—a sensitivity to the hidden path you are following. You begin to be led toward your destiny in miraculous ways. In later chapters, we’ll share with you specifically how to do it.

In our experience, a short detour on how to manage your mind and your internal world can set you free to move forward more rapidly toward what it is that you really want.

Here is your wax on/wax off assignment for today:

For one entire day this week, become more aware of your internal dialogues. Try to distinguish between your normal thinking voice and your critical voice in your mind.

Notice your normal thinking voice—how you banter with yourself. Then notice if you have a critical voice.

Here is how you’ll tell the difference. Sometimes the easiest way is to notice how you feel. Do you feel encouraged, empowered, and uplifted? Or do you feel discouraged, disabled, and beaten down?

Often, when the critical voice is talking, it makes you feel “down.” Trace these feeling back to the actual words in your mind and it will be obvious why you were feeling down. Anyone would feel down if there was an inner voice saying things like, “You’re broke and stupid and out of work. You’ll never get your act together.”

The first part of your assignment is to become more aware of how some of your feelings can be directly linked to the words you say to yourself.

The next part of your assignment is to notice what you say to yourself when the critical voice is talking. Notice if your critical voice speaks to you in the I or the you form. Does it say “I’m so stupid! I can’t do it” or “You’re so stupid! You can’t do it”?

Then change the way the voice speaks to you. If it’s a you voice, change it into an I voice. Does this make you feel more down? Or less down? Notice if there is a difference.

If you’ve been able to notice what the voice is saying, let’s tinker with how the voice talks to you.

First, try to adjust the volume of your critical voice. What if there was a volume dial to make the sound louder and softer? Try it out. Turn the volume louder. Yes, that sounds strange… but adjust the volume so your critical voice speaks even louder in your mind, and notice how this makes you feel. Then turn the volume lower and notice if that feels any different. More likely you’ll feel much better when the voice isn’t screaming at you. As soon as you notice it, turn the volume down on this critical voice. Better yet, just turn off the sound entirely. Refuse to allow it to affect you.

Since you’re becoming aware that you’re in control of the knobs and dials of your brain, try these experiments.

Change the tone of your critical voice to match the voice of Minnie Mouse or Mickey Mouse—high-pitched and squeaky. Notice how that makes you feel.

Then try making the voice seem far away, as if it’s outside your front door and can’t get in.

Make the voice as seductive as your favorite movie star.

Try moving the voice around to different locations in your mind.

ROBERT ALLEN: At a Wealth Retreat I was teaching in San Diego a few years ago, I noticed a woman in the audience who had a scowl on her face. She didn’t seem to be enjoying the moneymaking techniques I was teaching. It was as if she couldn’t concentrate. I saw her at lunch and had a hunch. I asked her if she had a critical voice. She looked at me with a puzzled expression. She hadn’t really thought of this before.

She focused inward and replied, “Hmmmmm … yes, I do. I never noticed it.”

“Whose voice is it? Is it your voice?” I asked.

She thought, then said, “No, it’s my dad’s voice.”

“What does he say to you?”

She pondered again for a few moments. “He’s saying loudly, ‘You’re no good. You’re stupid. You’ll never amount to anything.’”

“Really?” I said. “How does that make you feel?”

“Not very good.”

“Let’s try something,” I said. “Change his voice into the voice of Mickey Mouse—all high-pitched and squeaky.”

She tried it, and immediately started to chuckle.

I said, “Whenever you notice that critical voice, just change it immediately into Mickey Mouse’s. Or turn the volume down on it entirely.”

Then I asked, “Do you have a true voice? A voice that encourages you, that wants you to win?”

This took her longer to ponder. “Yes,” she replied. “It’s much softer. Much more subtle. But it’s there.”

“How does this voice make you feel?”

“Hmmmmmm,” she said, searching for the right words. “Peaceful. Yes, peaceful.”

We parted ways, and when the seminar resumed, I noticed her out of the corner of my eye. She would have a scowl on her face as I was teaching and then she’d stop. I could see her concentrating, and then she’d break out in a huge smile. She’d take a deep breath, and I could see a sense of peace glowing on her face.

More than six months later I was teaching a seminar in Anaheim. She met me in the hall at the break. She was so excited she could hardly contain herself. This one technique had released her to make enormous progress. She had learned why she had been procrastinating and putting off her dreams.

You may not have an obvious critical voice.

In his book Voice Therapy: A Psychotherapeutic Approach to Self-Destructive Behavior, Dr. Robert W. Firestone describes a “demonic inner voice” that represents the “dark side” of every one of us. He states:

In general, the average person is largely unaware of his self-attacks and of the fact that much of his behavior is influenced and even controlled by the voice. Indeed, “listening” to the voice predisposes an individual toward self-limiting behavior and negative consequences. In other words, people make their behavior correspond to their self-attacks.

Your wax on/wax off assignment is to simply notice if you have such a critical voice. If so, how do the volume, timbre, and location seem to affect how you feel about yourself? Can you adjust these to make yourself feel better? Can you turn your critical voice off completely? It may take several days, even weeks, to train yourself to do those things, but being aware of your critical voice and learning how to control it are the first steps toward feeling more empowered, enriched, and excited more often.

The first step toward creating a powerful Wow Now is to control the voices in your head. See you tomorrow.