Rejoicing - MULTIPLYING - Summary of Carry On, Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life - Book Summary

Summary of Carry On, Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life - Book Summary (2016)

Part III. MULTIPLYING

Chapter 24. Rejoicing

I get very anxious about Chase being away at school for eight hours each day. I would be more anxious if he were home eight hours a day, but still. That’s the thing about parenting: anxious if you do, anxious if you don’t. Every time I see that boy walk home from school I feel like Geppeto. Oh my God, I think. Look at him! He moves. He walks! He’s ALIVE! Chase is a miracle I want to protect.

When I was in elementary school, all of these little things happened to me that made me embarrassed, or confused, or sad. Like when I had to stand against the huge cafeteria wall with my nose pressed against the big purple painted grapes, or when all the girls teased me at my lunch table because my hair was greasy. You could start a car with all that grease, they said. Or when the boys never chased me at recess. Or when a classmate brought a Playboyto school. Or when my friend Jennifer called me a gay wad. What’s a gay wad? But these things didn’t seem big enough to talk about, and I didn’t want my parents to know that all wasn’t perfect, so I kept sad and confusing things secret. And keeping secrets became second nature to me, which didn’t work out so well for a couple of decades.

So when it comes to how my kids are doing at school, I don’t worry about academics. I worry about social things. I worry about their time at lunch, at recess, and on the bus. Mostly children learn to read and add and sit stilleventually. But not everybody learns that he and others deserve to be treated with respect. Not everybody learns that he is OKAY and loved and precious and that it’s all right to feel hurt and all right to hurt others, as long as he apologizes and tries to fix what he broke. Not everybody learns that different is beautiful. And not everybody learns to stand up for himself and others, even when it’s scary. Eight is young to navigate a big social sea all by oneself. Thirty-six feels too young sometimes.

So last week, I snuggled in bed with Chase and told him all about the embarrassing, sad, scary little things that happened to me in elementary school. I told him that I never gave Bubba and Tisha a chance to help me, because I kept my worries in my heart. And by keeping my worries secret, they became problems. I told him that this was a shame, because the beautiful thing about being a kid is that you don’t have any problems. You might have worries, but if you share those worries with your parents, they don’t have to become problems. I told him that his daddy and I are his team. That his worries are really our worries, and that the most important thing in the world to us is his heart.

I explained to Chase that every night, he and I were going to lie in bed together and try to remember any sadness or worries that he had during the day. I told him that we were going to talk about them and then ask God to help us with them. Then he’d be able to relax and sleep soundly, knowing that God and Mommy and Daddy were on it.

I’ve learned a lot about my little boy while we’ve cuddled and remembered his worries.

For example, Chase thought that the first few weeks of school were a “tryout,” and if he wasn’t perfect, he could get cut. I was tempted to let him keep believing that one.

And the reason he always wants his dad to take him to baseball practice is that I embarrass him by cheering for everybody whether he hits the ball or not. You’re not supposed to cheer and yell “THAT’S OKAY” when people drop the ball, Mom. It’s NOT GOOD to drop the ball. I don’t know if you really understand baseball, Mom.

Also, there’s an older girl on the bus who’s a bit of a bully, and Chase is scared of her. I told him that on Monday, his job was to find out what color her eyes were. That’s all. Just find out what color her eyes are, Chase. Chase came home yesterday and said, “MOM! Her eyes are BLUE! But listen, while I was looking at her eyes to find out what color they are for you, she quit her mean face and looked away! And she didn’t look at me mean the rest of the bus ride! And then on the way home, she didn’t look at me at all! She just passed right by!”

Yep. Always look them in the eye, buddy. Mean can’t handle the truth.

I think this worry talk is a ritual worth keeping. Because if we empty our hearts every night, they won’t get too heavy or cluttered. Our hearts will stay light and open with lots of room for good new things to come.